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Is dowry system still there?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Geetha24, Mar 7, 2007.

  1. Geetha24

    Geetha24 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,
    In my point of view the womens struggling from dowry issues are very much reduced. What do you people think?

    _ Geetha
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2007
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  2. Abha

    Abha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey geetha

    u can definitely say that, but i think dowry is still there...

    its just that these days people dont ask upfront, and instead say that we have everything and dont need anything except the girl, but everybody has expectations to some extent...

    but these issues have reduced considerably...

    there are still castes where girl's side give huge amounts of cash or gold in marriages, which i think can only be stopped by the people who are pursuing such stupid traditions... and these are the very people who complain how much trouble they have in marrying their girls...

    Shagun or sagan should be given to the guy and his family from the girls side, but anything over that is just not right...

    wat do u say ???
     
  3. Hopefloats

    Hopefloats New IL'ite

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    hi Geetha

    Of course yes!

    Dowry system still does very much exist. But I am glad to note that there are cases where the groom's parents do not ask for it or they dont make a big deal about it. When they do that our respect for the whole family becomes multi fold, which is the biggest dowry they can ever ask for.

    A step towards abolition of dowry - I will definitely not ask for it for my son.

    Hopefloats
     
  4. leelal

    leelal Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Iladies,

    Definitely direct requesting/talks on dowry in marriages has reduced. There still exists marriage talks start only with dowry amount in educated states like Kerala and some Tamilnadu and Andhra and north indian Cities.
    Sincerely no offences meant for any specific communities/groups of people.

    But from what we know there are indirect/soft/smart ways of dowry collection through following ways.
    1. By specifications "Working IT/software professional/Medico girls" and
    2. Selecting bride from single/2 child/aristocratic wealthy families so there exists assurance of some future property.

    However the increased percentage of love marriages these days play a very active role in reduced dowry demands. This is a heartening note and should be welcomed.
     
  5. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Dowry is still there. It has changed form and content, but the basic evil is still rooted and flourishing. As a member said, in my state Kerala, within some communities, 'thoha' (amount) is the first point discussed even before horoscopes are exchanged.

    In some communities, dowry in cash has disappeared, but is high in the form of gifts and other courtesies.

    I wish I could say that I will not give or take dowry for my children.

    Even the conditions,'only Green card holdres apply' is dowry in another ugly form!
     
  6. GPriya

    GPriya Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,

    Dowry system still exists as you all mentioned here in a disguised form...

    Since I am a south indian from Chennai, I notice that people from my place never accept dowry as cash and they even boast about it is against law etc., but the way they ask/request/demand is in the form of so many soverigns of gold, diamond stud, 10 kg silver dishes, expensive grand sarees and the last but not the least a very grand wedding in a decent hall. I have seen this happening in almost every marriages in my hubby's family where they ask for silver kodam, anda etc., and were given such things too...

    Well, some magnonimous inlaws demand only grand wedding not others.. but still on the day of grand wedding, they try to check out every silver/gold stuff presented to the bride and gossip in a cheap way...which is insulting for the bride and her parents.

    As someonelse wrote in this forum, if only we get inlaws who never place high importance to such petty material things on day ONE, we all can wholeheartedly worship such inlaws until we die...

    In our tamil custom,the DIL should address MIL and FIL as amma, appa...
    How can an amma appa be so nasty about such petty things to their own daughter... Till this day, I never addressed my FIL as appa in the last 20 years.There are things he said on my wedding day is unforgettable.

    :cry: Geeth Priya.
     
  7. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello All,
    Dowry system in India " Very much" still exists.
    Even though my marriage was a love marriage, My Mother-in-law asked so much money, gold etc when they came to my house to follow Indian customs.
    Everybody at my house were shocked by her attitude (she brought a marriage broker in between to deal our marriage). When my parents said, it is a love marriage and it is boy and girl have chosen and they really don't go for dowry etc, my MIL screwed by husband not to marry me. He was almost about to break this marriage. But so how we got married, but daily tortures for me started. We were in US and even I was working at US, all my in-laws and my husband used to torture me so much for the dowry. My husband didn't talk to my parents and he insulted everybody from my side.
    Even though I earn in lakhs today and give him all my salary, he keeps telling that he was not benefited by marrying me.
    It is been 9yrs of our marriage, still my MIL we try to scare me by saying that she will get her son married to some other girl who will give good dowry.:bangcomp:
    So I told to her that she can right way get her son married to someone else and I asked her to send a marriage invitation card to me aswell so that I can send them a very big gift.
    Now she never takes that topic.
    It is such a pathetic situation for womens.
    Even though we are very well educated (equally as our husbands), capable of earning, managing home, kids etc we need to go thru this HELL.

    --Punitha
     
  8. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    And seems like we imported it to here too....

    like the polite request of the boy's family to make sure their accommodations and the marraige takes place at the Hyatt or the next best function hall with the excuse the local temples being too restrictive on food and drink. Funny how fast their opinions change when encountered with the option that wedding costs be shared equally by the "working" bride and groom and the bride's parents "Might" pitch in with footing the honeymoon travel costs. (I am writing a true incident)

    there is a saying in telugu "chinta sachina pulupu chavadu" translates as 'A tamarind never loses its sourness how ever dry it is (dead)'. Old habits die hard and also swim across continents:)
     
  9. Abha

    Abha Bronze IL'ite

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    hey meenloch

    very rightly u said, All for Him... so just think its all for him... and right now you should just take the fear out of your mind about how your in laws will turn out to be... right now just enjoy your wedding cos thats once in a lifetime... all the shopping, dresses jewellery... i'm trying to make you think on the lighter side of it... these things you have your whole life to deal with... and i'm sure everything will be just fine.....

    All the best
    ~Abha
     
  10. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Well I am witness of both good and bad practice at same end.. I have got lucky to have found a family and a guy who said they dont want dowry. And They dint take.they even shared marriage expense... My father and I were very against it to begin with.
    In my sister's case we had to go through so many series of useless alliances because she was not engr or doc. And my dad was not willing to give dowry. So you get only not so educated alliances. Even among those alliances, there was impeccable desire to milk gal's parents to the hilt. My dad was very strong .. And he still says.. he would keep his daughters all his life if he didnt find worthy guys who thought his daughters are worth their being.. than counting money to keep them..
    So in essence My family.. we didnt give and didnt take dowry.. My brother 's marriage also went simple..no dowry.. and no after marriage give and takes..

    Now if my own life was concerned. I would say.. Dowry system has reduced in India. I would beg all the parents on keep on looking till they get the family which thinks alike.. COs in the end, you just need one worthy person to marry. You dont need some 10,000 people to think like you.

    Now to counter this.. I have lost enough myself to this monster called Dowry..
    I lost my best freind, she was such a talented , beautiful girl in my school. She was always first rank holder, She was my senior. And I am sure if her parents allowed her to study engg or medicine she would have been alive now.. She did Bsc and got married.. I heared soem 3-4 years back. Her husband burnt her alive for a stupid maruti 800 car demand.. Is n't that amazing ..I lost my best friend for the money we pay as rent for a month here in US. I hate it so much..
    We raise our gals telling all they need to learn is ..love their husband and trust them.. I would say.. we need teach our daughters to be strong and put their foot down.. Whenever they see they are stuck in some bad marriage, bad affair or bad guy.. We often offer to not support such cause.. But i guess its worth to give our daughters , sisters or any women support for this just cause..
    Dont grow to become a MIl who taunts his DIl later in life.. Bcos each one of us adds to this monsterous tradition in its' own way...
     

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