Involving my DH in helping beyond jst words

Devika,
IMO it is not right to generalise. All husbands do not work late and all of them do not have high work pressure. From what I understand, OP's DH is not someone who is not offering to help because he is too tired after work. She has mentioned that he is back home by evening and is simply watching TV or browsing while she is struggling with all the household chores and the LO. In addition to this, he expects everything at home to be prim and proper and he cannot lift a finger.Really - Is it fair? I dont think so.

I can agree with what you are talking about 'stay at home wives'. But being a 'stay-at-home mom' is different.Note that all kids are not easy to manage single-handedly.Taking care of kids at home; especially those who are really active and fussy is like a full-time job. I have worked in high work pressure work environments and I find baby-sitting a fussy toddler for 8 hrs a lot more tiring than 8 hrs of office work. Most of the office work doesnt require physical exertion. As I said in my initial post, there are times when my toddler DS insists to be carried around for about 1.5 hrs at a stretch. Several times I do household chores like cooking ,cleaning etc holding him in one hand.Probably there are super-women who feel that this is "cake walk", but honestly, I really find it tiring.

Also, this is not an 8 hr job. A stay at home mom does this 24 x7.
So, because she doesnt go to office and work there, does that mean that she doesnt deserve a break ?

Is it something wrong if a she asks for a break from baby-sitting when her DH is back from office and doing nothing much - say just watching TV.

 

Thanks Ranchu..
Feels good that atleast you understand what I am saying.

I dont want to barge into OP's thread and make this a debate on what a stay-at-home mom should do. But,honestly it hurts when someone comments that being a SAHM is "not much work".

Seriously, with a active toddler at home you even have to plan your rest room breaks :hide:. There are days when I have lunch at 4pm (that is when DS takes his nap). All I am saying is it is really not "EASY".

 

dear DRK
i can fully understand your situation.i was in a same situation like you 2 years back.my kid is 2 and a half years old now.she is hyper active.she had TB.so she was always sick.she slept only 4 or 5 hours daily.she used to sleep from 5 am to 10 am.from 11pm to 5 am,i used to carry her and sing to her to make her sleep.hubby would soundly sleep every night hearing my lullaby.my husband never ever offered to help even on weekends.he wanted the house to be perfectly clean.he wanted me to wake up every day at 6.30 am and cook breakfast and lunch for him.he wanted me to do even smallest things like switching on the fan for him,handing over the cell phone when the phone rings etc.i used to hold my baby in one hand and cook with the other hand.he never even put his clothes in the laundry bucket.he wanted to hand wash all his clothes.if i neglect even a single thing at house,he would make it a big issue.always criticizing me for one thing or other.

i used to work before she was born.but resigned the job to look after her.i used to work from early morning to late in the evening.there were of course tensions in the job.but i had never been tired like this when i was working.being a full time home mom to a hyper active kid drains out all your energy from you.

to sum up,i had to undergo a 4 months treatment for shoulder pain and back pain due to carrying her for long hours and lack of sleep.thanks to my hubby.

i have only one advice to drk, your husband will take you for granted if you dont start to share household work with him.its better to start today itself.give him small chores at first and pls hand over your baby to him when he comes back.tell him your baby needs the love and attention of both you and your husband.when he takes care of your baby,take rest.take rest and take time for yourself whenever possible.take some time to do what you love.

i would like to add one more point.even after a lot of effort if your husband refuses to help you,please stop cooking,cleaning,washing his clothes etc and tell him that you are tired and you CANT do this.this worked for me.i have tried all the ways to make him help me.at last i stopped cooking and cleaning on weekends.so he was forced to help me.

 

I hear this a lot. But if a hubby doesn't want or just doesn't do such chores, may be some domestic help can be hired if can be afforded. Why force him to do it or manipulate the circumstances so he will have to do it. If he resents doing it, can't we take a hint and let go? One of our friends says he avoids going home early because of the nagging at home.

Something is wrong with that picture, IMO. But if they can not afford domestic help then of course it's a different picture.

Sorry if I don't see at as a quest about how to tame, rein in and domesticate the hubby.

 

hi sudha
there are so many families who cant afford a maid,specially when they live abroad .i dont think any wife would want her husband to share the household chores if they can afford a maid.all the wives are not super women and some times they need rest too.then the only option left is asking the help of the husband if they cant afford a maid.i support what reshsabu said.stay at home mom is like 24 hours job.in addition drk is also working from home.things are different when your kid is not active and quite.nobody expects the husband to do all the chores when he comes back.all these women are asking for is just a support.

i dont want to debate about this subject. drk has already mentioned that she cant afford a maid.

 

I dont see why anyone should feel "manipulated" and avoid going home because of household chores.

OK, these "SMART" husbands avoid going home and what do they do - gossip with friends or colleagues,play computer games,loiter around etc so that the poor wife has no choice but to do all the chores at home??Seriously,what kind of an attitude is it:rant?

I cant help asking this question - If commitment is such a big issue, why cant such men stay bachelors all their life.:idea

Another question - Suppose there is a working mother who doesnt like to cook and take care of kids, can she also make the same excuse?? Is it an option for her to go home late inorder to avoid these responsibilities?In that case,will her DH be broadminded enough take up these responsibilities because she resents doing it??

Even in places where domestic help is available, it is not as simple as it sounds. I have seen a lot of people having hassles with maids.We cannot just assign them tasks and forget about it.Maids need guidance to do household chores.Isnt it much simpler if both husband and wife share the responsibility.

The problem is when the husband expects "Royal" treatment and isnt willing to "lift a finger" to do household chores, the poor wife ends up struggling all day to keep the show running which IMO is very unfair.