Inter Caste/religion Love Marriage

I have personally had a bad experience with this, but inter religion marriage is workable if both parties are broad minded. I see some hypocrisy as far as kids are concerned, there is no need for them to inherit caste/religion of father but this is always the case in India. This is specially true of Hindu women as in the name of broadmindedness they simply give up their identity. There are also some legal issues, which you can read about in my previous thread.

 

Hi all,

Nice to hear everybody's happy ending stories.. I am happy to say that i am also one among this group. We both are Hindu but different caste, different state, language, customs.. Initially there is a oppose from the elders.. but after a while everybody agreed and we had a Grand wedding which made all of my relatives to make their mouths shut. My father is big support for me from the day one, he only convinced my mother, grand parents.. i am so lucky to have my father. And coming to my hubby dear he is very lovely person, takes care of me like a child. I dont have much of in-law's problems except for the first few days. As its been just a year from my marriage, like you people i also want to say after some 6/7 years we are happily married for these many years..:thumbsup

God bless you all dearies..

 

It is very nice to see happy love marriages.
LataMurali- You are too good mam. I understood ur points well. :bowdown
I appreciate Bala for starting this thread.:idea
It is good to see a caste free India.:hiya
At present India is the best place to bring up our kids.:thumbsup
This castism has always bothered me:bang

 

Hi All,

I am reading the whole blog form a very long time ,but this is my first blog that i am writing..from very few days i am very stress due to my problems.
I am a software engg and my gal friend is also software engg and we both earning 3+ lac pacakage. now the thing is that we are in love with each other from college time its arounf 5 years. after completaion of college we start jobs and now its arounf almost 2 years.I am in noida and she is in mumbai, basically we both are from delhi only. we both are from different caste she is aggarwal and i m dhobi and very very different.now we both want to ghet married but her parents are againt of this marriage there is no issue from my parents. now we both wans to get married
1>Temple marriage
2>court marriage
Please lets us know me how to get marraieg in temple and even i heard that if you proceed for court marriage...then they take one month time for the notice to be displayed on board. As if her parents grt know the information about our marriage the they will not allowing us. ....so please help me in getting this thinng to happen

 

BalaMotwani and others who are here to listen,

Intercaste / interreligion marriges always have issues...And this is predominatly because parents do not trust the decision made by their kids...The feel more secured when they find a bride or a groom for thier child.There are people who look at this from a diffrent prospective also, you can call it their EGO - towards thier being our adults as well.

I know you have had lots of congratulations...let me not stay back from congratulating you again.

And to start with how I got married. I and my hubby also belong to Chennai. I was being a tamilian by birth was bought up in Bombay , all my schooling and Jr. college happend there. We moved to chennai after my father's retirement. As retired life in a fast city like bombay was not too easy ...I am the eldest child at home and I have a brother who is younger. I and my hubby met in the same flat. We had nothing of such sort(love) for the initial 3 yrears...I was a graduate and was pursing my MBA as well was enturpenuring a Recruitment firm there in chennai. He was a ME grad and was into teaching at that point in time..Both of us had just started our careers.We used to quarrel a lot, both our families were in good terms as neighbours but my parents being a little orthodox used to have theri limitations and they tried limiting me also. But I am a person who stays far from beliveing in caste differences.
Things chages all of a sudden after 3 yrs of good frienship and neighbourhood. All of sudden my hubby proposed to me ...I was a little confused and concerned if this wuold work like all the others girls...I tried to avoid and refrain from talking to him or his family members there on...I knew it would be a BIG NO from my side ..so I didn't want to dissapoint my parents. Yes, though I felt I consider him(I din't have the love kinda...but anyways my family was looking out for me and he proposed so I felt marring a person whom u know and like is better than marring a stranger and then getting to know him. But the fear of no acceptance form family members made me stay away. He constantly followed..WE both were matured enough and were working . I had to tell him a BIG NO and he too started staying away.But as you know love once comes in..it makes people blind..being in the same campus and feeling and having to see him struggle din't stop me from talking to him again..then the seed was sworn, he was such a nice person whom I knew for more than 3 years and being loved by such a person , felt gr8 and I felt y not reciprocate the same to him to see the little smile on the face of a person who loves u so much.
WE were in LOVE.
We 1st opened up in his house,though his parents would accept. Again we saw a BIG NO from there, I then told my parents and saw the same NO . There was nothing that could have resisted both the sides other than caste. My parents to safegaurd a RUN Away marriage of their daughter..parceled their daughter just like another showpeice to Bombay in a midnight flight, The mid night fligh was to ensure that my hubby doesn't see me going . Then Like a typical doormat..was the treatment from family, I was at my uncle's place in bombay...No phones , no mails and a continued House arrest. My hubby didn't know where I was and I could not communicate to him at all...With a gr8 difficulty one day I did mail my hubby and told him all the happening at my place.I instantly recvd a reply to mail as I had sent. On word - my hubby asked me- (Should I come and take you, will you come along with me). I replyed yes and sent a road map to him. All this happened in one day's mail..as people at home and gone out and I got a chance.The date and time of when I would escape of house was mentioned. My husband didn't know where bombay was...He is typical southindian and from a deep south area..He is a native of Dharmapuri in TN . Just as we moved from Bomaby for good, he and his family moved from Dharmapuri to chennai for good, and both of us landed as neighbours.
And then My hubby came along with 10 friends of his to bombay on 11 th june,2005. I was under house arrest, but I used to go out with my aunty at times. I pleaded my aunty on that day to take me to the temple..but she refused..al of a sudden there were carpenters who had arrived with matrials to the new flat my cousin had taken 2 streets away from my uncle- aunts place. ther was no one at home there to recv the carpenter to put in the material and here at home, there were guest, my uncle asked me for the 1st time as to if I could go and have the people ther unload the meterial. I at once was in a sight of relief. Infact I din't know if he had relly come to the place where I had mentioned, and neither was he sure if I would come out of the house..I left home , went and unloaded the material and called my hubby's cell. he said he had just arrived, both of us were tensed...I quickly took an auto and reached the point where we had to meet in the evening, it was all a coincidence that he came before time and I had to leave house during that period and ......we met and left to bangalore to his sister's place from bombay.In the mean while when all this could happen he had convinced his parents, his parents getting convinced went to parents to talk marriage but my parents straight away refused, I pleaded, still they din't show any signs of green signal, then I decided to be bold and stand up for my rights. Infact he came to pick me with his parent's consent. I then called and intimated my family..As usual rude talks..it was my duty and so did I inform . I was in his sisters palce in b'lore till he went back to chennai and made marriage arrangements, We married in TIRUPATHI with the blessings of all his family members , friends, relatives and loard balaji. We also had a reception in his native Dharmapuri for people who did not attened the wedding.But for both I had only his friends, relatives and parents...none from my side.
But thats ok, my parents are still not in talking terms and I suspect even if the terms would ever improve. It is 4+ yrs of married likfe now. I am happy, wonderful hubby , nice in -laws and god has gifted me with a cute little twins, of which one is a girl and one boy...A complete family within 4 yrs, My hubby is now a Sofware professional and I work for a IT firm too as a HR and it is just our earnings that we own a car and a flat today , we are settled in bangalore now. Having being accepted , that itself was a gift to us so we never expected any finacial support form his family either. Every single thing that we own today has come of hard earned money in 4 yrs...A flat, a Car and all household furnitures, I have'nt borrowed a single utensil from my MIL, though we are all in good terms...Now what else do parents want to see, I don't know...seeing a daughter haapy with her hubby and grow hights in 4 yrs with all her own efforts and have grandchildrens at a short - a girl and a boy...which other blessing could be more than this.
Anyways...Thanks a ton for reading such a big post.
And do excuse any spell or grametical errors as I type out of office when I do multiple task...it is just that I like to stay in touch with you ladies here.

Cheers,
Kavitha.

 

Kavitha,
First of all I wanted to wish you for your twins. I missed this in my previous thread which you replied for me.I read your full story ....Interesting...Nice that you are doing good in your life. Hope your parents will accept you soon.
I don't have any story since mine was arranged marriage.:biglaugh
Generally I have the following thoughts
1)Love marriage can be successful , if the same love retains after marriage.
2)In India, it is difficult to convince our parents. But now-a-days most of the parents are accepting if both of them are working in a good firm.
3)About kids, people are facing some practical difficulties.Again it depends on the couples. If both of them ready to adjust with their customs it is easy to lead the life.

I have seen most of the ruined love marriages. But surely I can say that is because of those couples and to some extent by their relations.

 

Kavitha,

Wow, you are really brave! Really loved hearing your story... especially the part when your hubby came with his friends to get you, and how you escaped from the house and boldly went to join him. Just like a movie!

I'm happy God has blessed you with a good husband and two cute kids. You deserve it! :thumbsup

 

Hi Kavitha,
It was like watching a movie. Did you try talking to your parents? Does caste matter more than dauther's happiness? Generally people say that parents change after seeing grand children. Why dont you visit them once with your kids?
Try to give them another chance.

Hats off to ur courage. It needs lots of courage to fight parents,relatives.

 

Hi Stephane, Asuitablegirl and Satyanjali,
Shephane ...yes more or less like a movie...hahah but when I can get back to those days , I still get tensed up...anywyas Thanks young ladies.
I know few love marriages are not that successful. But god bless I have not had any probelm since marriage and neither do I think I would have any ...I and my hubby are matured and we compromise on certain poitn when we know the other person is right. As for growing children is concerned both of us play our part , I have not had any cultural conflict as it is just a intercaste and not inter relegion, even if it would have been interrelegion I don't see a problem untill both the couple respect each others views.
And Satyanjali...People are complex...each one have their own set of rules that they cannot break thru...yes the typical Q that I had and still have is culture and religious issues more to a person than their kid...But to me the answer from my parents has always been YES. Well I have tried a lot to contact and I have talked and I have sent my kids pics ...etc etc....except for visiting then in person I have done all that I could and the reason behind not going in person for the fear that they may trap me and hold me back a house arrest again hahaha:biglaughand the entire story above said has to be repeted againg hahah...:biglaugh. I called my father just back from my labour ward still under partical anesticia...he said thru them in the bin and u come ..we'll accept. But let me tell u I never expected them to accept me or my family...as each one has thier own life and that I do not want to interfere with thier orthodox culture. The reason y I constantly msg and kep in touch with them is to tell them that I am happy and that they need'nt worry abt me...I felt each parent no matter what love thier children and that they oppose love marriage only for a reason that they feel thier children's decision may not be right and what if the marriage fails..I always wanted my parents to know that I have taken the right decision and that I will not ruin my life so that they can relax..otherwise seriously no intension that they need to accept me...as I have my right and decision to make they too have after all I know how painful it would have been for them to hear from thier DD after bringing her up for years ...all of a sudden a word that I have my right to make my choice and that some else proved more imp than them to me...I can sense the pain...let them take thier own time and now I have stopped communicating since few months...as and whn they feel they need to visit their daughter they have all my contact details and they can as well come over.
Anyways...Thanks a ton to all of you there.
And I wish all a very happy married life.

regards,
Kavitha.

 

Wowwwwwwwww Kavitha...

I am so impressed after reading your full story. And the last few lines were really amazing - What could be a parent's expectation out of their loving daughters marriage other than a loving husband, good positions in life and a twin kids. Caste and religious difference are just nothing before LOVE.

As for my story:

I also had all sort of bitter experience of convincing both parents for our LOVE marriage.
I am from a Christian family, where all our neighbors are Christians and our family is so attached to the Cathedral. I met my hubby at my first work place right after my first degree and our first meeting was like an accident. We became friends within a short time and then became lovers eventually. He is a Hindu from a very orthodox family.

We were aware that our parents would not accept this love; but as Kavitha mentioned love is blind and being in love and to be loved by someone was an interesting feeling - So we continued our affair.

One fine day, my parents came to know about this and started to blackmail me emotionally. They even tried to restrict my movements, hence my dad started to drive the car insted of the driver for my work and college (i was reading my MBA by then).

My family also started searching for proposals and that made me crazy. Whatsoever, we continued our contacts via all the tricky ways where our parents were unable to find us.

I kept on postponing the marriage talks for a couple of years by all sort of lies, and ambitions; nevertheless my parents strongly insisted me to accept for an alliance from Australia when I reached 25.

This is where I made a firm decision to inform his parents about our affair. His mom was totally shocked as she had already given a word to her brother to accept his daughter as her DIL. She was not ready even to digest our relationship and she started creating all sort of dramas against us.

To put a fullstop for everything, we threatned both parents that we are planning for a registered marriage if they keep on looking for proposals. By God's grace my family was not an abusive family, Neither they didn't like our relationship, nor they didn't abuse my rights other than giving me some emotional tortures. Though his family was kinda abusive one, they were unable to do anything for their elder son who reached 29 by then. So both families gradually stopped their influences in our love affair and started to accept it in a way.

We both did lots of home works to make a good image on our partners in both sides, and it worked out eventually.

We were in a relationship for more than 4 years and stood by our decisions strongly, so our families finally decided to go for a wedding.

Again the problem started on what way the wedding could be done. My parents expected/dremt of a church wedding as I am the eldest at home and mine was the first wedding in our family so is his parents. They strongly insisted for a grand Hindu wedding.

In addition to this, our church rules refused to marry us, as he didn't want to convert as Christian.

But both my self and DH faced everything calmly, and planned for both weddings (Christian/hindu) to satisfy both families.

As a first step we spoke to the Church father, and convinced him to hold a half wedding mass for my sake (being as a strong member of the church). Then approached the Hindu priest and found out for a better day and time for the hindu wedding as to help us to conduct both weddings on the same day.

So, the church agreed to hold the wedding at 7.30 am - then the Hindu priest agreed to hold the wedding poja from 10.00 am onwards at a wedding hall near to the church.

Then we convinced the beautician on the possible dress, hair style that could be done/changed where necessary for both weddings within 2 hrs time.

Finally when it comes to the wedding lunch, both families agreed to go ahed with a VEG lunch on the wedding day and NON VEG dinner for the reception as per both customs.

On 21 Jan 2008, we managed to conduct a grand wedding in both ways and satisfied both families and now we are so happily married with the blessings of both parents.

When I posted our wedding pictures in facebook as Christian couple and Hindu couple none of my friends (those didnt attend the wedding) believed that we managed this. It was like a drama. But we simply did it.