Inlaws not talking to parents

akruti9 · Jan 20, 2010

Hi Priya and Anu,

We have tried all those stuff. I asked my Husband regarding this and since he is the same blood of my inlaws he says YES for my Daughter I won't have any selfrespect. I'll behave exactly the way my Dad (that is my FIL) is behaving now what should I do? and regarding the meditator stuff it did not work even. They are not reday to solve the problem at all. They don't want to talk to my parents but they want that my parents should call and call and come to thier place beg infront of them they should be faraid of them and all bull ****. you know what my MIL says Kick her out of the house then thier parents will come runnningly and begging us to take their daughter back. MY DH never did that but if ever he is going to do that. then I am sure Neither I nor my parents will ever go back to this stupid crappy family.Is that right Is divorce the solution? if Not then What should I do if she does something crazy like that? should we should act like they want us to which we can never then what shouyld we do??? :bonkLife is really a torture

Priya16 · Jan 20, 2010

akruti,

You know one proverb,barking dog will not bite.So these people will not dare that kind of thing as you already mentioned here they have daughters and they lick there sil legs.So typically they will not dare.I think they show there fristation on you.
Only thing you need to look for solution to handle your husband.You completly ignore your MIL and only thing you need to know how to handle your husband.Even your husband shouts,I know some dogs bark and leave it.If it is really unbarable to you then pack bags and leave.I am pretty sure your husband will relaise imporatnce of yours and may not fall for his mother.

Even I have very probametic in-laws.I think sons nods heads as long as wife can take it.Once the wife doesn't take and leave the house ,they will realise whose mistake is that and what they loosing.So definitly they will not back up the moms'.So tell your husband that don't bring the situation to that stage.Tell that your mom don't have to loose anything or my paretns.Only we both loose each other and our future.

Few things.
My MIL looks extermly upset in the morning and by evening she gets ok.See the calls you make(timewise),may be not a good time for her.In that case change the time and also try not to present in the scene.By that time your husband calls his home,go to walk or somewhere.Don't be in the scene.

kokila19 · Jan 20, 2010

Hi akruti,
I feel really sorry for you. I never know this kind of situation till now. When I m watching serials, I will be thinking in real life, people will be like this?but after reading post. I got so stunned..

Just because our parents are on the girl side, they cannot bent down like this.

I do not have any solution for you.. may be i m not that much elder to advise you..

the only thing I can do for you is Pray to god.. He will helply sure... dont lose the hope towards him.. In my daily prayers, your are included..

Situation will be turn around and good for you soon..

Dont worry .. But sure, you need to attend your brothers marriage...

akruti9 · Jan 20, 2010

Hi Kokila,

Whatever I wrote in this thread is just 2% of my life This is nothing in compared to what I faced in the inititial years of my marraige days. Everyone remberes their initial days as lovely and pleasnt and want to Live those momnets again for me it were horrifying , terrifying and worst days of my lives. BOth my FIL and mIL used the most abusive words against my parents which I haven't ever heard in my life. MY mIL says if a boys side parents apply **** to girls parents they should just wipe it off and again shamelessly be on their knees for thier daughter's sake. Just inagine how my blood would have been boiled heraing all those stuff But I was calm and did not utter a word then. my DH and Sis inlaws knows about this stuff. my DH did not like it but my Sis in laws says that we know those words are wrong but my father and mother faced a lot and blah blah blah....and again support their parents and infact tel me DH some stories of how badly they are treated in thier inlaws house and how common it is for girls life all bull ****.. They are sort of sadists . my MIL always asks my husband to beat me which my DH never did. my Sis in laws tells him that how badly their husbands behaved and to behave in the same way to me which also he never did. so my DH is the only reason I am taking all this crap.but my Inlaws have been to Us twice and every year I see them and for every two weks or for one month I have this drama in my life for the past 4 years

ShilpaMa · Jan 20, 2010

Akruti your DH appears to be applying brain to some extent but for how long I dont know... once the kid is out such ILs feel more trashy abu DILs.. my personal experience.
They cant kick you out of the house.. even I feared the same during preg & post deliv.. I guess we just get weak & tired emotionally & physically... many ppl told me they cant do it.. even if they do take these numbers and reach us in case of any emergency & infact I dint need them finally.

If you're in an apartment then the security can help resolve a few issues.. All fear for a bad name in front of neighbours & society.. these days ppl cant just act in any manner to set DIL according to their whims n fancies.

renualways · Jan 20, 2010

Hi Dear,

U shd be very sensitive in handling the emotional issues.u ve not mentioned abt ur SIL. WHETHER THEY ARE MARRIED OR NOT.
iF THEY ARE MARRIED, U CAN explain stating , if they will do all hellish to you, the same can also be repeated to their daughter.like ur sil's husband parents may also avoid their parents.N gud is there to see all the things.Firstly, when ur parents are not being respected, why u r speaking to ur inlaws,what abt ur husband, he really dnt want to entertain ur parents or he wants to act for his parents wish. Make things clear in this.U politely explain them on failing to ur brothers marriage every one will think worse abt them.Being educated why u r keeping quite, strat threatening them , that women laws are more powerful. A stitch in time saves nine. Get support of ur husband. give them a big threat , like attempting to sucide, so that every other person cums to know that ur inlaws are worst.Act cunningly, behave cleverly.If u want to leave parents, better keep quite.otherwise u do really have respect to them, do action. This is my idea, u think n decide

All the very BEST

Renuka.A

akruti9 · Jan 21, 2010

HI Renu dear,

Thanks for your advice but as I mentioned earlier my SIS in laws both are married one for 14 yrs and one for 8 yrs. They say, I don't know how much is true, but They say that their inlaws wer showing hell to them. this is how any boys parents will be.my elder sister inlaws lost her PILs 6 months before my marraige. her MIL dies because of Cancer. My elder sis in law was saying that she took care of her in then absence of her husband her husband was in US and blah balh blah.. It's ok accepted but why she wants to implement all those stuff in my life again??
my younger sis in laws husband lost his job because of recession and they had to stay in her inlaws house for 7 months and her MIL stopped the house maid and made my younger sis in law to do all the household work and so... so like this they are facing troubles and they are venting it all on ME. MY MIL had a hard time for 30 yeras with her horrible MIL( that is my FIL's mother) my FIL was always supporting his mother and tortured my MIL. so now whatever bad her MIL has done to her and her daugethres MIL to her daughters she has only one vent to reveal it all out and that is ME.
Threatening does not help Renu. They are not even allowing me to open my mouth. The moment I open it the whole family is ready to attack even if I shut my mouth then also the whole family is ready to attack saying how dare she keeps mum we are shouting and shouting and she doesn't care.:bonk
MY MIL knows that I cook good take good care of house and inlaw and all ....in her last trip she told me that she is a good DIl who cooks good, Cleans takes good care of inalws and husband what else does she need in her life??? their only concern is that my my parents are not showing the respect that a BOYS PARENTS want???? what respect.....dropping the calls when they call and expect them to call again immediately. Throwing the doors on their faces when they go to their place? Inspite of their rude behavour not taking them to hotels and movies coming from different state every month??? even if I ignore all this myself and live peacefully they don't like it every month rasiing the old issues and fighting:hide:.. I tell you for the past 4 years I have lost my memory.My Inetelligence..all because of this stupid problems constantly fearing about life..before marraige I did not not what crying was now crying for every simple resaon I have become emotionally weak because of recession not even getting a good job...when I answered back my MIL in my last trip my Parents said sorry to them like 10 times saying this won't happen again. Any normal persons would have left the topic their itself. These pshycos I don't know what they want.. Tilll date it's been 8 months and they are still streching that old topic like a chewing gum. my parents 3 months ago went to their place and said again we are sorry for what happened and this won't repeat again.,. They don't have to do all this stuff I talk to them regulalarly but just to have peace in my life they are doing it. MY FIL said we did not like it and went inside their bedroom. my parents in HAll and my MIL FIL go to inside room and close the door this Happened twice.. IS this the way to beahve with the guests????/ they don't kwow how to behave themselves and they give lectures.. They are complaing DH that tehy came without calling. If we call and they won't pick up then what should I do?? I hate them from the bottom of my heart?/ Is it my fault after reading all this what you guys are feeling?????
Yow all might feel what my DH's stand. He is neutral sometimes and sometimes not. He hates my parents from the bottom of his heart no wonder my Inlaws have poisoned it like hell. and he does not talk to my parents or my brother and he can be calm and live pecefully as well like me ignoring all these stuff but my inlaws and are not letting that happen??? I don't know what is solution to this??? he says that my parents should behave properly. I feel and sometimes say to him that his parents should behave properly and this is how life is going on..............
He knwos each and everything but says a simple thing this is how a boys parents should behave.........................now what can I do????

Muskaan7 · Jan 22, 2010

I cant believe these sorts of things are happening in this day and age.

Akruti Dear,

I felt sorry reading your posts. What is all this nonsense about girl's parents have to behave this way and all with boy's parents? And your husband being in the US, being in this generation is talking this way . Tell me, how long do his parents stay with youll? And is it every year? Why cant you call or go and meet your parents whenever you want? Who are they to stop you from going and seeing them?

Looks like hubby has his head full with his parents' words. Does not want to listen to anyone/anything else. If you retaliate, it will go worse with inlaws troubling you more and more. DO NOT EVER tell your parents to beg and plead in front of your inlaws, for whatever nonsense. Let them not talk to your inlaws at all and just leave it as it is.

I dont know what else to say to you, except that I hope and pray that things work out well for you. Try to not talk too much with the SILs as well, just only that much which is necessary. If inlaws start shouting or abusing you, just go into the other room and close the door. Let them keep barking as much as they like. BTW, if you retaliate and stand your ground, what will happen. Do you think husband will give in to them and throw you out of the house?

sujanags · Jan 22, 2010

This is the problem with many people that in-laws not talking to parents. Even if they talk, they maintain distance. I think may be DH's parents thinking as if they have come from big maharaja family and very head weighted.

Try creating some situations to get them interacted, still if they don't talk, then ask you parents to be silent for few days. Time will change these things.

akruti9 · Jan 22, 2010

HI Muskaan and Sujana ,

Thanks for your replies dear. Yes my inlaws come to US eevry year for the past 4 yrs. Before that they never came but now they come every year. If I take firm stand then yes My DH will throw me out of house.Sujana My Parents are quite they are keeping calm thinking someday it will change but since Dec 2005 it has been the same no change at all. Even I am shocked that these kind of people stay in this generation. But who knows all these stuff in arrange marraiges I know everything ahs to end no matter how worse the things are it has to end but never know when??/ life is like that