1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Inlaws not talking to parents

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Jan 15, 2010.

  1. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,

    I want all of your suggestions please. First of all mine was an arranged marrauige 4 years ago. My inalws are very orthodox. They have two daughters and they behave like slaves infron of their daughter in alws and expect the same with my parents which they don't do abd because of which till date they are fighting. My DH is very nice with me.Helps me in cooking. takes me to shopping and takes good care as a husband should take but he is not talking to my parenst for the past 3 years. I ama lso ok with it. I left him. my parents left him thinking atleast he is taking good care of our daughter. I talk to his parents, his sisters but he does not talk to my family. ok accepted. now the thing is my inaws have asked me forced me o stop talking to my parensts which is ridiculous and Bull **** I know. and I being educated. I have never cut contacts with my parents but never infront of DH. It's ok fro me to talk to them privatley when he si not around and got used to it. But my inlaws are always trying to find a way to fight with me. yetsreday my parents called them to wish them. That lady my MIL she hung up the phone as soon as she herad my dad/d voice . how dare she???? what the hell does she think of herself?? earlier she used to shouta dn I was quiet. did not utter a word. but now. for 3 times I guess I answered back. that's it now my sIl's and my inalws are showing hell to me. saying what king of girl you are? what king of bringing up and all. Now what should I do? let my parents get humiliated??? if they don't call theyw ill say how adre they did not call and if they call they are behaving like this? MY DH says they should kep on trying like that go and stand infron of them listen to thier scoldings and all coz this is how they do infront of their daugters 's inlaws and all...... what is this stupididty?what should I do? in these 4 yeras of my amrraife since I stay in US. i went only once to my paents place that too with lot of shoutings and quarrels. NOw my MIL is saying she will not send me for my Brother's marraige. My parents should enever come to My place in my whole life and all amd my sis inlaws supprts her even my FIL.I don't knwo whatto do? Divorcing is also not solution cause other than this I don't ahev any problem with my DH. Please tell me what to do?
     
    Loading...

  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    357
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    Tell your parents straight out not to call your mil anymore because she obviously has some 'problem' behaving herself. If your parents don't make the call, your mil won't have the opportunity to humiliate them. Under no circumstance should you tell or allow your parents to beg and plead and apologize to your inlaws if they haven't done anything wrong!! If your dh tells you that your parents must fall at his parents feet, then tell him to keep his antiquated ideas to himself and that you will handle the situation!

    As for your inlaws telling you not to call your parents, tell them to their face that what they are asking is not fair, and that you will stop talking to your parents when their son stops talking to them!! Yeah, let them think about that and realize how dumb their demands are. Also, tell your husband that if he can't stand up for you in front of his folks, ok, but then you will handle it and he shouldn't have a problem with it.

    Next time your mil tells you 'she' will not 'allow' you to go to brothers marriage, movie theatre, circus, WHATEVER, tell her that that's not her decision to make, and where you go and who you see is up to you... and since her SON has no problem with it, she shouldn't either. Talk to your dh and let him know you want to go for the function. If he is a reasonable guy, I'm sure he will agree.

    Next time your dh refuses to talk to your parents, ask him how it would make HIM feel if YOU refused to talk to HIS parents. You could also tell him that if not for your parents, he would not have you standing here today as his wife!! So, give respect where respect is due! Geez. shakehead
     
  3. sophisticated

    sophisticated New IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    My in laws were very similar to yours , they treat their DIL's and their famillies very badly.
    Now we don't talk to them at all.
    But no matter what they say you should go for your brothers wedding, ask her if she will not go to any to her own relatives wedding.

    Why cann't MIL's behave decently towards their DIL's Don't they know that it will be their DIL's who will look after them towards the end.:bonk
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Akruti.. my ILs are a combination of Rajasthan & Haryana hence very much the same mentality as yours.

    After 5-6 yrs of getting humilaited on calls I asked my parents to do the needful & now they dont call them anymore.
    I have no option but to massage their ego since my DH is their only son & a Shravan Kumar category... altho his parents are not even close by a continent to Shravan Kumar's.

    My ILs told the same for my bro's wedding.. they visiting us or me visitng them.. I turned a deaf ear & did wht I wanted. Most imp is to to have financial freedom to deal with such autocrats.

    Such set of ILs live in the world that since they did X amount for their daughters they shud get 10X times from DIL.. however they wake to reality sooner or later.. never answer back or argue with such ppl.. simply do what u want in silence... however u shud be financially independent for it.. since they teach the guys to not to spend a penny.
    For my bro's wedding, I told my DH to pick up some clothes.. but he kept refusing.. later I heard him and his mom speaking.. using filthy words... as to why dont they send the shoppers stop voucher if they really want their son IL to buy something.. as if he was a complete broke... and cant wait for them to give money later.... when the air tickets I only booked... B4 leaving my MIL confirmed 10 times if there'll be someone to pick us at airport.. again as if we were babies.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    954
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    This is the major... major reason for the unreasonable behaviour. Moreover the funny part is when they know how painful it is to bend down infront of someone who is torturing them (i.e their daughters inlaws) how come they want to give such torture to their DILs parents? When they know its painful...why give that pain to others???:bonkmakes no sense isnt it!!!!
     
  6. maggi99

    maggi99 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    348
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Just they are girl's parents, they are expected to lick the inlaws shoes. When inlaws are moderate or good then there is point in your parents spking or calling them. Your parents are not to be humiliated like this... please tell them not to call.

    Who would ask, your MIL or SIL - If they ask again say you dropped the call when my parents called, there is no point in calling. We have to stand up else they make us go low and low. Tell the same to your husband, just because they are girl's parents they need not leave everything and call even when their calls are dropped and tell him to reason himself if what they are doing is right... This happend in my case and now there is absolute no communication between my parents and inlaws and am fine with it.

    As far as your brother's wedding is concerned dont expect permission from your MIL... you just go. You are not a kid and you know what is right and what is wrong, there is a limit for ILs or any one to interfer in your life. Just dont care for any words of hers... Give back when you can, over a period of time, they will understand that she cant be taken for granted.

    And politely tell your SIL such that it pricks to her - please stay away with these talks. Ask her Would you stop spking to your bro or mom if your inlaws tell u to stop doing it? Give her a mild dose and tell her its none of her business to poke her nose and give her opinion or decision. (put this in the best way you can) All you want is your DH to agree none others.
     
  7. hopefulforbest

    hopefulforbest New IL'ite

    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Similiar is my situation too. just bcos they are girls parents my parents needed to take in a lot. till last year it was my in laws only. so i told my parents to stop talking to them or make any calls. my Dh also doesnt talk to them any more. from marriage all my parents ever got is abuse from these people. so i asked them to not to call or bother even for formality sake to my in laws. becos my in laws doesnt have even common sense to behave decently.please ask your parents not to call ur in laws anymore. your parents cannot be humuliated like that.
     
  8. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    HI All,

    Thanks to all of you. It's very helpful. But you know what I can ask my parents to stop calling them and they will but again it will be problem to me. Again my inalws will create such a bad scene that my mental peace will be ruined. I just don't understand. Once my FIL's Son IL came to hit him and asked him to get out from his house( that is my FIL was humiliated in his own daughter's house) BUt he shemelessly next day talked to his SonIL though he was not talking to him after few days his son IL became normal, like this there are numerous examples my both sister in laws gives such examples to me and tell that's how a girls parenys should behave and how are your parents behaving what should I do?? I can't and I will not ask my parents to go to such extent. To go to My parenst place from US after 3 yrs such a big scene. Had so many quarrels and permissisons and cryings and shoutings then they finally they had to sent me because my DH convinced them somehow. I don't understand why can't he go against them . why he has to take thier permission to send his wife to her parents place? when will they be a man insted of being a kid?? last year it took me 4 months to convince them to go to my parents place for 2 weeks :( :(. this is what is bothering me. while coming backl from India My MIL Started fight againa for which I answered back and that's it. That was in July 2009 till date she is showing the anger and grudge to me and my parents. She is angry with my parents because an one hour before the flight levaing to US while she was shouting at me my parents were calm they did not shout at me for "ANSWERING BACK MY MIL". That is the only reason taht she is tretaing my parents like this today. what should I do? She asked me to throw all the jeweelry and clothes that my parents gave me to thrash but I did not do and my DH supported me But by LYING. He lied to hos mother that yes she threw everything. Just imagine. How my Life would have been If I would have made to throw everything into Thrash for real??? That thought itself makes me shiver :(.. now for my preganancy also that lady will come. She will again create a scene for my brother's wedding. And my FIL and Two SIL's two support and to give lecture to my DH and me.:( :(.
    don't know how I will tackle??
     
  9. hopefulforbest

    hopefulforbest New IL'ite

    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    I understand what you are going through. its just mental torture.
    but the best way is ignore their tantrums. dont listen to them. dont talk to her in the first place. just ignore. i know its hard. but u have ur DH support and he can put some excuse and put the phone off instead of giving to you. for me there is no DH support. so constantly im afraid of my family life.
    Dont shout back or anything just play silence and dont talk to her. in laws tantrums will go on as long as we support them. its ur DH that you need to take care of and he really plays a crucial role in this.
    Dont get tensed. congratulations on your pregnancy. stay calm and show them you dont care for their tantrums.
     
  10. maggi99

    maggi99 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    348
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Do not listen a damn to what she says, she is in India nd u in US. So its all on calls. When she shouts, just drop the phone or say you dont want to take any crap any more. Let her speak what she wants, when u show that it bothers you, only then she will do more and more. When you behave deaf over a period she will close her mouth.

    Well abt throwing all the gold, well you are also your parent's daughter, they want you but nothing what your parents gave to you or your parents relationship.. Stand up to yourself none other than you can help yourself.

    Its easily said than practiced.. but if you show that you are hostail for few times, ie. not spking on phone to your inlaws as your DH does not... then ILs will shout shout and then stop. If your inlaws behave like that with their SON inlaw that does not appeal to everyone...

    I see that atleast a little support is there from your DH... thank god for that.

    As far as your MIL visitng your during your delivery... OMG its better not to have any help and struggle for a week after delv... and then you wd be on your toes again and can take care of yourself and your kid than having such negative folks around who just spoil peace.

    When in good mood tell your DH that we are grown up to take our own decision and we know what is right and what not, we are gonna have a kid ourselves and we should not behave like kids. Speak in a good way and dont shout or cry when you speak. Speak firmly
     

Share This Page