Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mimi77, Apr 13, 2013.
Please speak only for yourself!
You are right dear.. you are the lady of the house, so be in charge.
But it is still probably a good idea to start giving back to MIL small doses of her own medicine.This is really important so that people dont start taking you for granted and you dont end up as the person in the house "who is not even worth serving an extra cup of coffee".
I had the same experience with MIL and was extremely upset till I started behaving the same way.
To start with cook enough for all as usual, but dont serve MIL & FIL.
For e.g. If you make kheer , just serve in 2 bowls - one for you & one for DH. Call DH to the dining table to have kheer. Dont even acknowledge that MIL & FIL are around.
You will initially see eyebrows raise,may be couple of rude remarks from MIL. But just say calmly with a smile - "Kheer is in the kitchen, bowls are in the cupboard feel free to help yourself". Everyone will get the message.
When this becomes a norm, gradually start cooking stuff for just you and DH. You could do this by identifying this that MIL or FIL has diet restrictions. For e.g. My MIL & FIL take very low salt and dont eat fried stuff. So, I started making salty, deep fried snacks like cutlets, pakora etc and just make enough for me and DH and not invite MIL & FIL. If they or DH ask you can say - "Oh.. dont you have restriction on salt".
Dear mimi, I really wish your DH means what he says.
However, give it a try if he sticks to the same theory about expectations when you stop serving food to MIL & FIL and just cook for you & DH.
What is the definition of Sarcasm and who decides if a comment is sarcastic, insensitive or otherwise?
My understanding is if I don't support some OP over here, then I am being labelled as sarcastic, insensitive. I agree IndusLadies is for LADIES more then men because women have more to process than men as per this post.
What I am saying is Can someone remind me where I made insensitive comments about any Post or thread? and How was I insensitive or made fun?
If I question something if I have a doubt does that mean I am insensitive? sarcastic? Does that mean I don't understand women's feelings?
There are few members over here ( I don't want to name them) who think they are the best advice givers. They don't want someone to question their views and opinions. They are like the mafia. If someone questions something about a thread or post, then that person is labelled as insensitive, sarcastic and all sorts of things.
I have always helped with suggestions. If something I feel does not add up, then I ask. That is my nature. This does not mean I am saying "you are so stupid, and that is why you deserve this treatment!"
There are even certain groups on IL( Everyone knows that but no one admits). These groups have few members within them. So these groups will only like each other posts/threads no matter what, they will support each other. If someone questions or posts something to the contrary to one member then other members will corner that someone and support each other.
Is that the purpose of Indus Ladies? I do understand IL was created to support "FEMALE" only and to have a forum for FEMALEs only, but if someone questions because he has a doubt about something so he is labelled as insensitive?
Who decides if a comment is not supportive of the OP? The person making the comment may have best intentions to help the OP and he is supportive but others may think he is not supportive.
Well, I think if someone asks a survivor of domestic violence - Why did you get abused or why the abuse happened that is a prime example of - blaming the victim and is a glorified way of saying the exact above sentence. Now please do not say, when did I say this? Yes women ganged upon you on that thread because not everyone appreciates what you call "good advice" coated in your patronizing tone.
I did not want to go there but since I am supposedly part of the IL mafia and can say anything and get away with it I might as well use the invisible powers bestowed upon me. The amount of time and words you spend in patronizing yourself, could be put to better use if you take time to reflect on your male privilege.
Sorry OP for the cross talk and diversion.
Post 71 and 72,
I meant that not in a sarcastic way. I meant what I posted because I have seen that and I don't see anything wrong with that but the OP added " ur e genius" at the end...Now was that sarcastic? I think so but that comment got so many likes.
Same with post 72.
Now I meant my post. I have seen married females having some light food at mother's place. I don't see anything wrong in that. So is that insensitive on my part to make that comment? What was so genius about what I said...?
Where was I insensitive and where did I not support the OP?
I guess I better not respond to this else this would never stop. This will go on and on...
Sorry Arch....i will reflect on my "male" privilege.
By the way..Who called you mafia? Are you assuming you are one of those members?
Decent guy, if the same advice would have come from my inlaws can you imagine what could have happened???........I cannot take your suggestion as an advice, Im sorry, because this in no way improves the situation in my house........This in a way works better for my inlaws and in no way helps me.........And why the hell should I go to my mom's place everyday for tea and snacks??.....First and foremost my mom' s place is an overnight journey from my place and even if she would stay near me, I as a responsible daughter wouldnt like to burden her with my problems........I hope u get it clear.....This problem is between me and my inlaws, why the hell should I involve my mother in all these????........
just ignore what u dont like and take what you like , sure there will be a good hope , all the best
I don't make Assumptions, they seem to be your forte after all did you not assume that this OP and her Mil might have had a history and hence the Mil is not serving the OP tea and assuming the OP's husband is a mamma's boy...