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Influence of parents conduct on Children

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Viswamitra, Aug 18, 2012.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Editor's Note: Congratulations! Your post has been chosen as the Best of Forum. For viewership by a larger audience we have it as an article here.

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    [JUSTIFY]Many of us have worked hard to make sure our children are well educated and successful in their lives. The sacrifice the parents do to give education to their children is impeccable. Every parent think that his or her child should not struggle in life as much he or she did and hence make all possible efforts to educate his/her children at the cost of compromising even some of the needs in his/her life. We have seen single mothers raising their children by working hard to provide valuable education and I have myself written a post regarding this in the Snippet section earlier. But the parents who succeeded well in their lives tend to make their children lot comfortable as they recall their personal lives and remember what all they went through in their young age. Whatever they could not afford at their young age, they would like to make sure are provided to their children.

    Since the children become the purpose of lives for most parents, they tend to be so liberal in their spending for them. When we do something like that, knowingly or unknowingly, the parents are interfering with their growth. The parents worked hard and achieved success and that evolution gave tremendous sense of fulfillment to them. When the children get whatever they wanted, the parents are depriving the opportunity for them to learn that important lesson in their lives. In fact, one of the most precious gifts the parents could give to them is teaching them how to work hard and become successful just like the way they did it in their lives. That is true contribution from the parents for the welfare of their children.

    The children always try to emulate parents and we need to make use of that opportunity well. To the extent possible, we need to allow them to make informed decision but we need to keep an eye on them so that they don’t take a wrong direction. We need to train them to understand the importance of earning, possessing and preserving wealth. Wherever possible, we need to allow them to earn and train them to pay some or all of their expenses. We have to educate them to budget for their expenses and teach them the discipline of how to pay the debts and bills without any delay. We have to train them to build good credit history. When we teach family values and character building, we also need to teach not to waste food, money, energy and time. A child that is trained not to waste time learns to plan and utilize their time well. A child that does not waste food learns that there are many in the world that they don’t even get to eat one meal a day. Conservation of energy is not only natural energy but also energy that is generated from the body. A child that is raised with such qualities also learns to appreciate the sufferings in the world and tend to contribute some of their earnings for the welfare of the needy.

    The best education for our children is from what they observe throughout the day. If the parents have giving nature, the children turn out to be giving in nature and if the parents are nice to everyone, they tend to be nice to everyone. Whether it is giving time or money for the people in need, it is important they learn to give. When they develop that attitude, they learn to consider everyone equal. They understand every life is valuable and stop discriminating people based on their education, wealth, color, age, sex, etc. When we have young children, our life is like walking on the tight rope. We need to have a stick in our hand called character. If we don’t have it, we not only lose balance, slip and fall but also let our children observe our actions. Even if we make a mistake, we better repent for it and do corrective action in full view of the children. They learn a lesson that mistake is human but repenting and learning to correct them is important.
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2014
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  2. shambavi2000

    shambavi2000 Silver IL'ite

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    hi

    A very ideal, feel good picture is what I see in the post. I would love to be in a world where a good parenthood brings forth caring, sharing, responsible children. Does your post mean- good parents bring forth good children?. I wish it were as easy as that. I know of children who value their privacy more than hospitality-though the parents love to entertain relatives and guests and have them stay over out of genuine affection.

    Good character and good conduct -can a good parenthood alone ensure that? What about ones individual characteristics? I do agree children may not listen to what I say but they sure are observing me. I would love to believe my goodness will translate as goodness in my children. I am a parent, not so good and not so bad either and am all the time plagued by self doubt as a parent.
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Very well said Viswa. There is no such thing as teaching through preaching and moralizing. Whatever has to be taught better be practised as well.
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Shambavi,

    Thank you for your response to my post. The answer to your question is "Yes". I do believe good parenthood bring caring, sharing and responsible children. Children needing privacy when the parents want to entertain relatives and guests alone will not make the children bad. It could be because they find it hard to interact with people of different age group. But what we need to be concerned about is if they don't interact with anyone in their age group as well.

    Yes. I agree the children also have individual qualities. Let us assume a child has a nature not to talk to anyone. What do you think is the best way we can educate them that he or she needs to be interdependent in this world? Obviously, the parents are not going to assume he or she has a nature and has to be left alone but are going to try to make corrective action. I do believe that the children's behavior considerably gets influenced by the parents and they are a mirror image of their parents in many ways. If the parents are quarreling all the time, the children's development is affected. If one of the parents is abusive, the children's mental faculty get affected as well. If one of them remain angry, the children observe that quality. On the contrary if the parents are pleasant, interact well with others and remain happy, I believe it definitely influences their mind. Any psychologist when approached with problems of the children would always ask the lifestyle of the parents.

    I might be naive in thinking that the children observe their parents all the time and our behavior would considerably influence their behavior as well. But how do you ensure our children have good character? Do you have any other suggestions? I am willing to listen to different point of view.

    Viswa
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi,

    Thank you for your response. I agree that when we practice something that has considerable influence among the children more than what we preach. I am glad you mentioned that.

    Viswa
     
  6. shambavi2000

    shambavi2000 Silver IL'ite

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    I do endorse your view that good parenting is not negotiable at all.A parent has to set a fine example and yes, their behaviour-good or bad, sure has a bearing on the child's character building-no doubts on that either. The only issue i'm kind of unsure is-parental behaviour alone can determine the child's character or conduct. I have known people well into their forties themselves-forget being a mirror image, but being a very poor image of their parents-despite parents practising and also preaching good virtues and habits. As I have said in my earlier post, I'm a parent plagued with self doubt many a time. I'm constantly striving to be a better person, not just a better parent. But i'm not certain that alone will ensure my child to be as good (or as bad ) a mirror image of me. For one thing, I would want the offspring to be far far better than me!I wish I had a magic wand that'll empower me to be a good parent. I'm not wise enough to share any suggestions, I'm still a young parent:).
     
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  7. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    Viswa sir Parenting by our younger generation is amazing.I admire my DIL and DD for their ability
     
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  8. kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    dear Viswa sir,

    That was beautifully said. Children are keen observers n good learners. Agree they need to be taught the value of money. I dont give them pocket money but give them a fixed amount each time they score above 90% in their subjects. Before I had this system in place, they would usually come with their demands, irrespective of the cost of the item or the need. But now, I see them looking at the price tags, deciding whether they really need what they are buying or whether its worth the cost etc. Ofcourse, occasionally they do overshoot their budget but I guess sometimes temptations are simply too hard to resist !!

    I do agree with Shambavi that parental behaviour alone cannot determine a child's character, conduct or behaviour because the character/behaviour of a person not only depends on what is passed on by his parents but how he is influenced by his teachers, friends, the experiences he has had, the hardships/challenges he faced etc. However, to a large extent, a child will grow up to emulate the values learnt at home.

    regards,
    Kylie
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Vishwa,

    Well said. Yes i agree witbh u, most parents give their children things that are beyond their means.For exmple a middle class person, giving his child a nokia is fine, but to give a samsung, 40,000 one is criminal. let the child earn and buy that kind ofa mobile.They will then learn the value of money.

    Superb blog my dear Vishwa.

    Regards

    kamal
     
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Shambavi,

    I definitely see your point. I feel the younger parents these days do better parenting than most parents of earlier decades. Transformation to be a better person is a life long effort and no one is perfect to be called an "ideal parent". Everyone is evolving. It is the intention to become a better person and a better parent that matters and one need not achieve perfection. I agree that there is no magic wand and it is a constant effort. You are being too tough on yourself. You have every right to share your parenting experience with seniors like me as I have nothing but respect for young parents. Good parents don't say they are one but keep doing whatever it takes to become one. I see that quality in you. The fact that you are setting a very high standard for yourself makes me believe that there could be great lessons to learn from you. My best wishes to you.

    Viswa
     
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