Indian Family System

CW I'll answer the following from what I've witnessed in my life and around:

Men also want to live and explore their life, however are being constantly reminded of how thankless they're and how gud are those guys who're living in JF.. also a comparison that they're not doing anything in comparison to what they've done [all lies and cooked up stories which are proven false as they dont remain the same at next uttarance]

I'll try to answer in terms of why Previous generation cant let go:
1) They see their family friends or others in kitty parties whose sons are staying with them and feel they shud have it too.. COMPARISON.
2) those who love to save pidly amounts on maids, electricity, maintenance etc.. find it a WASTAGE and trying to conserver mother earth's fast depleting resources :bonk.
3) Some mothers have a superlative BONDING with their sons and almost reach a nervous wreck state if they dont see or feed them everyday.
4) For some oldies its an ADRENAL rush when they gossip and CONTROL junior members of their family.
5) In old age when all responsibilities are over they love GETTOGETHERS however the body gives up, hence they need a 24X7 backup.
6) Yes they want to PAMPER the grandchildren & son and not to miss a single moment of their growing up phase which they might have missed in their young age where there was too much to do.
7) Also they're totally scared of how to handle MEDICAL EMERGENCIES.

All these thoughts are in background even for people who have lived full life as NF.. however as soon as their son gets married the above strikes...so its not always about money and finances.

 

Peartree ,Thanks for a straight answer to my question.Deciding on JF or NF is ofcourse a case-by-case basis but there is something people unanimously agree depending on the majority on any given issue.
Don't you think having a Nuclear family would be ideal for many families
nowadays given the criteria to decide based on the majority.
I would like to quote Canwait words which were precise and spoke my thoughts beautifully

Also Peartree if shilpama,Canwait,Riya has suported NF based on their experience dont you think the fortunate ones also supporeted JF based on their experience and not because they had more tolerance.
Canwait mentioned about MEN are a package because, again I feel that is what is more prevalant (based on majority).Situations like you said a mom staying in daughters house is present but tell me is that a scenario we come across often.

 

Iam sorry canwait for the confusion.Nowcoming to your actual question I think shilpama said it all in a hilarious yet very real...

In my scenaio the first point is the reason.My inlaws always quote the relatives who takecare of inlaws and husbands too think these women are the ideal women with lots of tolerance and think that is the norm and expect that from wives.Sometimes these women give speeches to my husband how having old people in house is great knowing very well every household is different.They glorify everything so inlaws and hubby tend to get carried away and make me less good a person.

 

I would prefer a joint family like that in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" where despite being poor, young Charlie's parents take care of his grand parents on either side happily. And yes, I agree with the argument that joint family suits well for certain situations and its benefits could only be realized by people with a mindset that accepts the concept.

 

Re: Different Family systems - Your opinion please

Hey Tugga dear,

Am in the plan of applying for srilankan citizenship:biglaugh after reading your post:hide:

Good way to be away from IL's in the name of system

We shall recommend and start a poll in IL and forward to our PM not our project manager :biglaughour Prime Minister regarding re-evaluation of our Indian system:bonk

Dont worry this will never happen in India our Appa (CM)will never allow to adopt this:biglaugh..

They whole of srilankans are bold army people they fought for their nation so its not the great thing to fight with IL's...So this system of being with bride's family is all excuses...

And my opinion is dont stick to any side grrom/bride...

Live on your own and let live others

 

Hi Canwait , there is a very strong reason why joint families exist , it saves rent ! In some cases the entire household expenditure is borne by parents , the couples savings are pretty big ! The parents dont mind if they can afford it.
Nowadays working couples prefer to have parents looking after the kids instead of strangers. And the parents enjoy it.
The household is well looked by parents and the couple can go to work peacefully .
Parents also love to have youngsters staying with them as they have company and are looked after in times of need.
The grand kids enjoy living with grandparents .
So one can say that both parents and the couples do get something out of this arrangement inspite of hiccups !
Of course if the couples marriage is breaking because of the joint family then they should move out and visit parents .
In India where family ties are strong old age homes , volunteers may not work.
Would we like to be treated like this ??
Would we like to put our parents in old age homes ??
I woudnt.

 

CW, I personally do not believe in marriages being broke because of so and so.

Even if the In-laws try to create a rift , what was your super brain doing?:rantSome men easily put the blame on the wife or parents to get away with anything.A man or woman who cannot handle the pressure or the one who could be easily brain washed is always a dangerous one.

If we talk about in-laws here, what about men who divorce for the sake of marrying again or due to EMA?I think it all boils down to how you are and what type of person you are.

I disagree here again.We definitely need the binding.Travelling across boundaries has nothing to do with binding or no binding.It has to do with individuals.Infact I would say , some people tend to get overwhemled and pick up the wrong side of another culture and claim it is right.

All I want to say is , do not blame our system as the system was built with the best intention but the individuals are to be blamed.