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In-laws very important for marriedlife

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by latamurali, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hai suji

    In DIL point of view ur absolutely right, even i heard and seen lot of people like that, though we cannot spare our enire life making our inlaws to accept us wholeheartedly but we cannot IGNORE THEM (my opinion)

    to my opinion, we have to do something to tie that relationship .since VITTUPORA URAVU ILLA ADHU.(Hope u know tamil) Venumna vittu pidikalam but iam afraid that vita pidika mudiuma theriyalai

    Anyhow thank u very much for sharing

    latamurali
     
  2. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hai anu

    U r absolutely right......and u sounds like me.....:clap:clap:clap...

    Thank u for sharing

    latamurali
     
  3. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Lata ( my namesake),

    Expectations are the ones which hurt relationship. There are many who say, " she did n'tcall when I went through this or that problem, why should call her now?" or she didn't invite me for such and such a thing why should I?

    This sort of giving back hurts relationship. Just listen if you get any complaints and advices. Don't reply. Keep quiet. Do what you can do or what you want to do without any expectations. We need not judge why others are behaving like that? Let them do what they want to do and we do what we want to do.

    That has been my success mantra with my in laws. All these thirty years I have been very close with them and hope to in the future also.

    Love
    Latha :wave
     
  4. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Suji,

    Do not expect anything from others , not even sympathy or understanding. You will not get and you'll get disappointed. Noone is perfect in this life. Try to accept everyone with their mistakes. There lies your success.

    Sometimes you'll not get what you expect, even from your own mother, then how can you expect that from your MIL. Just accept all of them unconditionally. You'll not regret it. I have also faced many things but I have never showed it out. I am a very sensitive person . I used to get upset whenever I heard any comments.

    Noone believed me at first all of them thought I was just showing off and was faking friendship. It took a lot of time for them to understand that I was naturally sincere.

    So even for you everything will change oneday. Have patience dear. I am telling you the truth.

    Love
    Latha :wave
     
  5. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hello latha madam

    Thank u for replying

    I will definitely try my best to take ur words, suddenly once cant change their attitude , it takes sometime

    latamurali
     
  6. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear latha madam,
    First of all thank u for ur reply.U r so much experienced than me and I know age & experience teaches a lot in life.
    I want to clarify few things here.I dont know what image of myself I have given here but the fact is i am a v soft & silent person and never interfere in any matters of my IL.Till now i have not even once spoken back to my MIL,sil,bil or even my husbands uncle.I and sil r of the same age so even though i am the eldest dil i am v young by age.So i am v scared what if accidentally i say something wrong & hurtful to others.
    Yes madam,what u say abt expectations r v true.I know we should never expect anything from anybody.That way we will never be hurt by them doing or not doing anything.
     
  7. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear latha,when i said ignore them i did not mean ignore them completely.I meant ignore what they say & do so that it will not affect us.If we keep taking everything ILs say and do to heart them it will be v difficult.Thats why I told ignore what they do & do ur duties as a wife & dil.
    I watch a lot of tamil movies but I dont understand the language v well.I have seen baadsha & lov that movie.So even though i didnt understand exact word to word meaning of what u have written,i could make out the content in it.
     
  8. Vysan

    Vysan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear LM,

    Parents after a certain age, have their own set of views and principles. At that age it is difficult for them to change... But we expect them to change and adjust... But it is difficult for us to adjust... If 25+ cannot adjust, then how do you expect a 55+ wha has been the head of the family till that time to adjust ... I dont understand the logic...

    Here I am not talking of the abusive In Laws... Nor I am taking sides... Nor saying they are always right... I am talking in general...

    It is a concept of give and take and adjusting to the situations...
     
  9. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hello vysan sir.

    I just wnat their co-operation in family matters,luv,advice , guidance ...........i didnt ask them to adjust with the situation or anyhting....:notthatway:...lot of elderly people jus like that neglecting son's relation . and even grandson,not showing any interest with them inspite of son shower them with luv & .caring

    Ok, i think no end to this, hope TIME changes everything and everybody.....

    Still, i will definitely take ur words and will try to change my attitude and my expectations, since i value all my friends opinion...

    Thank u sir.........keep posting and continue with ur opinion..

    latamurali
     
  10. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Latha,

    I can undersand vey well what u r trying to say. My words of advice

    1) Just do your duty, dont worry of result. (It is childrens duty to take care of parents when they grow old, let the parents or inlaws irrespective of how they behave/react/talk...). Just imagine how children nowadays trouble parents when they are infant/school goers / college student/...., but parents never think of it as some big deal or big problem and still continue their life advising, guidance etc. So why when kids grow big think that parents/inlaw are behaving like this.

    2) Mindset of people cannot be changed very easily, whatever you do. If once someone assumes that this person is like this and i like/hate this person, it is very difficult to change. So dont worry if they dont reciprocate their love. Forgive and forget.

    3) Do not have expectations at all in life. Only expectations will lead to unhappiness in life.

    4) Generally men wants and agree for Joint family and ladies always say no or hesitant bcos men are not there in the house most of the day and it is their own parents, brothers, sisters in the house, so only the wife is new in the house, so it doesnt make any difference for them and ladies have to face all consequences - first of all they are new from different family, adjustment, compromise, sacrifice,..... are only for ladies. So when they say any problem to their hubby, they crib bcos they want peace when they are back home. So every individual should adjust in the family is very important which is very diffiult nowadays and so though in-laws are important, , it is difficult to stay due to clashes, difference of opinions, way of living etc...ut never forget to do your duties. Where there is a will, there is a way.

    5) See good, do good,hear good. Leave the rest.

    So be cool. It is easy to say and write but any illfeelings always haunt and it takes lot of time to heel.

    Bala
     

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