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In-laws very important for marriedlife

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by latamurali, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hai friends

    Today i saw BADSHA (very famous movie in tamil) in Ktv, in that i saw a scene in which ,Sathyapriya(mother of Rajinikanth) says to his son

    Kalyanam agha pora ponnukku PURSHAN MATTUM nallvana kidacha poradhu andha veetila erukara MIL,FIL,BIL,SIL ellarum NALAVNGALA ERUKARADHU ROMBA MUKKIYAM

    Kodila oru varthai

    We cant live happyily and peacefully without our ELDERS BLESSINGS/ADVICE/GUIDANCE/CO-OPERATION/SUPPORT etc..........

    Family means not just husband,wife and children BUT THATHA,PATTI,ATHAI,MAMA CHITPA ...............and all others , if we dont get luv,blessings from these people ........we have to face hell a lot of problems in life

    I go by her words, and i frequently used to tell this to my friends and relatives and i personally undergoing lot of problems due to this

    What do u people feel about that dialogue, pls share ur views

    (iam no very much good in writing,so pls forgive me for that, hope u got the CONTENTS )

    latamurali
     
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi latha,

    That dialogue is good. you have brought out the contents very well.

    but enna porutha varaikkum...when you want to see someone as nallavanga...you will forget all the negative...and if you are already wearing a shade in your eyes...you will see only those colors that you get to see through the shade..:tongue because no body is born nallavanga/kettavanga...

    one thing, everybody has good and bad. no human can be too perfect..if they are then you have seen god.:-D. just accept them as they are...then your relations are all good...if you start finding faults...even if they are god you will find mistakes....

    Yes we need all relations, the blessings, the guidance and everything. but you need to keep space. today every relationship needs a space....amrithamum adhikamaanal vishamagum...it applies to all relationship...ex..over chellam from parents/grandparents can work bad for your child.....

    But i would like to add, in today's world you cannot be nallaval for everybody....you tend to be -ve for somebody...laws of life/nature of today....:bang:bang.

    Hope i have come to explain in line with what you were expecting.....:thumbsup
     
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  3. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Latha,

    I agree with Shanvy.

    We cannot satisfy everyone at a given time. This creates friction in the family whether between hubby, wife and kid/inlaws/parents/freinds (any relationship), its the same.

    Never expect anything from anyone. So if anything or anyone is not upto the expectation, just accept as it is. Dont feel hurt. To err is human but to FORGIVE IS DIVINE.

    Relationship with anyone is like a rose flower with thorny stem. If you think of only the rose then you will be happy and you dont feel hurt when thorn pricks you.

    Naan rumba suthi valikama solrane, latha nee sona million la oru vartha romba true. In laws are very important for married life. Everything is in your hand. There is always fight in any relationsship, if there is no fight, then you should assume relation doesnt exit. But there is solution to all problems in this world, but it depends on every individual how they take it and solve it.
     
  4. Vysan

    Vysan Gold IL'ite

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    Hi LM,

    I like that movie very much and has seen that humpty number of times...That was a great dialogue...

    Everyperson in the world has both good qualities and bad ones.. If a person is good to somebody he may be bad to another... Also, what you consider as good need not have to be good for the other person and vice versa...

    When you get married to a person... You can say that I am marrying only him and not his whole family... But with Indian culture you actually are.... You have to accept them with all their + & -..

    It not possible -- NOT TO EXPECT. It is easily said than done...

    My wife used to tell me... It is all in your hands... How to handle the people and the situations... If you know how to manage people you can bring the good out of evan the worst person...

    So, in my opinion, it is all in your hands... I always believe, if you shower true love and affection, you will get the same....
     
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  5. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    I am not questioning anybody's opinion here (with due respect to all)..but what abt those in laws who send the dil out of the house at 8pm in the night.& who dont even care to ask her how she is after she has lost her father...
    Sometimes I feel when u have tried everything but still the in laws r not ready to accept that a dil is also a human being then it is better to ignore them in ur lives.A dil cannot spend her entire life in making the in laws accept her into the house.
    But it will be so gud if everybody has gud feelings for each others & they stay together.Sharing happiness and sorrow & gud & bad is the best culture we can give our future children..
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2008
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  6. Anushiv

    Anushiv Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Latha,

    I <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName>o like this movie a lot...even though it is a 'super duper masala movie’; there are lot of punch dialogues, Esp. ' yaettu kulla ullagam irruku' song! I simply love that song!

    well, coming <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> the point...I look that this in a different angle, The in-laws seriously hunt for a bride, who should have good looks/ education/employment/ family back ground etc.... will have double the fear & expectation from the girl. As they say, <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> get a daughter married is easy but <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> get an understanding D-L is more difficult as she makes or breaks the family!

    Well, the sun even though it raises in the east it has <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> set in the west, similarly,
    The in-laws who are like the sun in the east, shines bright, can dominate till the mid day but at the end of the day they need <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> come <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> the west (i.e.) succumb <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> the D-L.

    To conclude, the bride first needs <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> focus on her husband & their relationship, the rest all comes next!:thumbsup
     
  7. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Shanthi

    Thank u very much for ur immidiate response


    Yes,shanthi, u made it very clear about the Facts of life, i shld try to control my EXPECTATIONS, which is the cause for everything, i agree, but iam not expecting Money or gifts or any materialistic things BUT LUV /CO-OPERATION/ADVICE/GUIDANCE AND THEIR BLESSINGS IN RETURN

    If i dont get that, it hurts me lot.....

    Only matured persons wont be having any Expectations(like u , bala and my hubby) it needs lot of mental strength to be like that, iam so weak and very snetimental , it will take somemore time for me to get Matured............

    Thank u so much dear

    latamurali
     
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  8. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hi bala

    U have wriiten very nicely, i know about u very well than anybody

    Iam feeling shy that iam 4 yrs elder to u and ur MATURED enough than me and giving me advice for everything, as u know am not egoistic person nor feel shame to receive advice from u (jus feeling shy)

    And , as u know i have tried my level best to sort out my problems but i failed in 6that

    Hope TIME HEELS EVERYTHING

    latamurali
     
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  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    latha,

    I am not a very matured person...i just have learnt from what life has handed me..... sometimes how relatives can be....

    yesterday went to a death in the evening. all are mil's relatives...i went in paid homage to the soul..then just sat there for sometime...one of them started...you did not come to my golu for vethalai paakku...everybody else came....only you...(I was like so angry.....edam porul idu ethuvumae illaiyya....????) just came home...but while coming back... i was thinking...eva ivvaluvu thaan forget... (that is they are just that...forget it..) some say kutram parkaiyile sutram illai...(if you find faults always you will not have relatives...) but today it is different i know that......

    tomorrow..if my kids behave differently than what i dream i am going to be hurt...so no expectation..they are my responsibility...i have to bring them up as good human beings...and i love them without any conditions...(if they love me back...well and good..if not it is fine...)

    It is easy to write..but when something hurts...i also feel like blowing the whistle.. (get angry,scream and shout...) but what is the use....nothing.....

    Looks like you have are emotionally hurt...time heals...but to forgive and move forward is life....otherwise life moves on and we are left behind in the time...at the end we are the losers...nobody else......
     
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  10. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Vysan Sir

    Even i love that movie, Rajni looks very handsome , i luv that Azhagu song to the core,
    never fails to see the movie if they telecast

    Thank u so much for ur words " Its not possible NOT TO EXPECT It is easily said than done...and

    When you get married to a person... You can say that I am marrying only him and not his whole family... But with Indian culture you actually are.... You have to accept them with all their + & -..

    And, iam not speaking about gud or bad In-laws but whether they are gud or bad, we have to depend only on them for everything

    Ur 1000000% true See in our culture , they have kept lot of matters to strengthen our bondage with our relations , like MAMA must be there in wedding for exchanging MALAI and Thol Thukaradhu in Poonal function ,Athai must take arthi and she is the first person for everything and bother to do Poriedaradhu et

    coming to the matter, each and every relation have got their own values, inour culture and we also following it (even if we dont have own brothre our chipa son will be doing that, whihc will strenthen our relationship with that family.am i ture)

    Though a girl gets all support and evrything from her amma side , i feel, its not enough , in our culture we say that ORU PONNUKU PERANDHA VEETAI VIDA PUGUNTHA IDAM DHAN ELLAM noone can deny this and if we dont maintain gud relationship with our in-laws and if they dont support/us, WE CANT DO ANYTHING

    Sometimes ,even if we shower our true love and affection we are getting the same, what to do in those situation,atlast we are just frustrated........

    Not only with inlaws to anybody if we didnt get reicporation of luv in nreturn after certain period of time WE WILL IN HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION .....SATURATION POINT is there for anything.........

    (I hope i have not changed the topic.,,...)

    Iam not worried in the case if BIL/SIL is not gud or bad and reciprocate anything but if it is MIL/FIL, the case differs, PERIYAVALUKKU PAKKUVAMUM VITUKUDUKARA MANAPANMIYUM CHINNAVALA VIDA JASTHI ERUKKANUM - AM I RIGHT OR WRONG if the youngster do soamething wrong, its the duty of elders to correct them and teach them WHAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT.

    But now-a-days we are having problem with MIL/FIL than with SIL/BIL (youngster have become closer ), even u can find lot of post in our IL in this subject .mainly problem with Mil and Bil , eventhough we shower thenm with true luv, we take care of them respect them and fullfill their needs, still they find faults.what do do with these people and i dono HOW TO HANDLE THEM ......

    Hope u understand me .....

    If iam wrong anywhere pls feel free to point it out

    latamurali
     

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