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In Laws Nagging Me To Travel And Stay In Native.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Feb 27, 2020.

  1. Toughlife

    Toughlife New IL'ite

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    For women not used to PDA’s it not possible to overcome their own restrictions and do that without feeling embarrassment.

    Rather do what’s comfortable for u (couple of days stay and line up some reason to travel back .. kids school uniform/ immunisation/ anything u can think of and ignore any sulking. Do this consistently for a few times and they will get the hint. Expect some comments like Dil doesn’t stay for long ... but turn a deaf ear.
     
    Needtobestrong and Rihana like this.
  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Bronze IL'ite

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    For me , its not about PDA. I'm not getting basic privacy as a person to sleep for enough hours also because I have to sleep on hall floor.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  3. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    It is very true.
    You or your DH should communicate with them instead of getting irritated.
    You have no problem visiting for functions; but you cannot stay longer as you need to be there for your DH and also cook for him. You want them to stay and relax there, and then come back to stay with you anytime they want.
    Your DH can explain the rest.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  4. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Just like how she keeps repeating her request, you keep denying it..Over time she will stop..If relatives ask, she will say ya she doesn't come..So what? End of the world?

    Dont feel ashamed to keep repeating the same..Your comfort, your priority..But like you mentioned go to native when necessary..
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Just say no...and keep repeating.
    Tell them you are married to your husband and not to their neighbors in native.

    There is no way of telling inconsiderate people off without offending them.
    They are inconsiderate because they know you and your husband prefer living a compromised lifestyle rather than offend them .
     
    Needtobestrong and deepthyanoop like this.
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Say it like it is. It has saved me a lot of grief to not do everything my in-laws ask me to. They have been disappointed but eventually realized that I have my opinions and are now cautious in what they suggest. Do I get a gold medal for being the best DIL? Absolutely not, but I wasn’t competing for it anyway.
     
    Meghaa and Needtobestrong like this.
  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Needtobestrong,

    One reason why your inlaws like you to be in the native is that you are healthy, active, accommodative and considerate. The next time when you go to your husband's native place, pretend as though you are sick, coughing, a towel tied in your forehead for your headache and without doing any work after your husband leaves to be back at work. If they don't give you a private room, be in the place they have accommodated you and continue to cough all night. Please ask them to take care of your baby as you are sick. Even one trip of this kind is good enough to drive them crazy. All your accommodative and considerate attitude will not be sufficient for them. They can't even complain to your husband. Getting sick is not offensive.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  8. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Learn to sulk. What's sauce for the goose ...
    .
     
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  9. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    I couldnt agree more. Dont compete for best DIL gold medal. If you dont want to go, say no. For these issues of personal freedom and choice, I wouldnt involve the husband - speak for yourself.

    Last time I was in India, MIL had tirupati plans. She asked DH - he chose to join her. I had absolutely zero interest in pushing thru the crowds and wanted to spend the precious 2 days with my GrandMa. Husband would have loved to go as a 'family' but knows better than to push me. MIL asked me multiple times - even played the 'dont say no to God' card. I still politely but firmly said no. My mother thought - I was offending in-laws , I told her I am not asking for her advice. :nono:

    I dont think anyone even remembers it now. If I had gone, I would have resented it and been mad at them. DH came back and said, you would have hated it - glad you dint come.

    Granted, some MILs might sulk/create more drama than mine, but thats even more reason to have personal boundaries!
     
    KashmirFlower, SinghManisha and Amica like this.

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