In-Laws kept all my gold wedding gifts, please help!!

When I was newly married, all my gold and silver were with my MIL. She said she will take care of them as she had no trust in me. But it so happened that twice my ornaments were almost lost by her and since then, she never said she will safe keep them for me.
Once in a wedding we attended, I gave her my necklace for her to wear and after the wedding inspite of my DH asking her to return it back to me, she did not give it to me for about one month and instead said that she will keep it safe with her daughter. My DH asked me why what's wrong if it is with her? Is she going to eat it? But I decided to take it back from her. When I went to my SIL's house for some festival, I said I will be going to temple and asked her for my necklace. They had to give it back to me.

 

in my case , my ils collected all my jeweleries from my as soon as I arrived at their house and the welcoming ceremony was over . my dh's relatives also gifted me jeweleries. SO they took everything to safeguard which was logical because I was in a new place with lots of strangers and my ils kept saying they are very scared after some recent incidents of robbery etc.Anyway after everthing was over , when I was all set to pack my bags and join my DH, my mil asked me to choose if I want to take anything and rest they will keep in their locker. I took all my jewels and quite a bit of what their relatives had given me and declared this is what I am taking and rest(which was not too less either) I am leaving(just out of courtesy I had to do that).They were apparently anxious and kept saying to my DH that it could be risky to travel internationally with all of them and if I have to stay alone.My DH was impartial and said if she is okay with her plan, should not be a problem.I knew he didn't want it either , but he didn't want to be a villain in front his newly married bride.I kept them with me as he refused to get a locker for me here saying it is not easily available and costly, I understood that he won't support me.So next time when I visited my home country, I decided to keep them in my personal locker which I already had before my wedding.Immediately my DH though that now I got my lesson learnt and not so confident about safeguarding them, so I am gonna hand over to his parents.WHAT A NOBLE THOUGHT!!
I kept mum till we started for our vacation to avoid any sort of arguments and when he was advising me that now you understand how big of a responsibility that is.. pack everything properly and give it to my mom (as if I was a kid and denied to take any responsibility) .
I said calmly that I talked to my parents that I am gonna give it to them .He lost his temper and started yelling that it is a risky decision as my siblings may claim in future. as if his siblings and parents are all saints.I said let me handle this, if I am expected to fulfill so and so duties after marriage ,you all don't have to poke you nose here.And you didn't buy me those ,neither did you bother to get a locker here .so forget it.I handed them over to my parents as soon as I landed in India .ils and dh were all unhappy in spite of knowing that I have my own locker.Imagine what intentions they had in their mind.Both my fil and mil kept trying to convince me that how honest they are when it comes to others properties and everyone else like their sisters and all user their locker only.I avoided to make any single comment and showed my indifference and then their new strategy was to convince me to open a new joint locker with my hubby's name in their local bank which is miles away from my place.During my next visit I asked them over the phone to get the rest from their locker.my fil saif that that can be done anytime later.That never happened when we went to India. I waited and talked to my DH. He clearly didn;t speak to them .Then I had to send him a little strong sms which I am sure my ils have read and eventually brought them and handed over to me quite unwillingly and clearly with a long face.my DH never admits that they were unwillingly whereas when it came to sil, they didn't let her mil to get into any of this business.
I guess you should think about getting your own locker first (just your name)as that could be a stong point .if you know your guy so well that you can trust him more than you, go for a joint account.No body will become a millionaire if they get the possessions of our jeweleries, but I always felt like it is ils trick to put a psychological pressure on the dil to keep her in control.Also tell your DH that whenever you feel like wearing or seeing your stuff, you feel shy as you have to ask you mil for each of them.sometimes some things require a bit of realism and cleaverness rather than emotional factors.

 

Great Anjali

Pooja,

If you feel yoiu should speak to your dh about your things, dont say clearly you are going to ask. Take his opnioon whether you can ask them? His answer will be obviously NO or some other reason or maybe yes as well. But you seeking an opinion will be like giving you a +point.

Also, before you speak to him, please open a locker for yourself, so he doesnt have any objection. If he says his mom has put them in locker already, then keep quiet, and say okay.

When you meet your ILs, tell your MIL that you have opened a new locker where you live, and you wish to keep your belonging in that.

Speak normally and politely so that both your dh and ILs dont feel that you are commanding to return your belongings.

All the best

Sush

 

I feel so sorry that even in this era, these things are going on. When will things change?

Pooja, it is for your good that you get your things and keep with you. You can tell them in a sweet and polished way that you deem right at a right time that you can take care of the jewels and money and that you need them to wear whenever you like to. Make sure to do this soon. Maximum a thing that could result is " this DIL doesn't trust us or she thinks her things are different than others in the family and so on". Do not bother about getting such blames, it will slowly go away.

Unless you care for your rights, nobody can help you.

 

after marriage i handed over all the jewellery to my in laws to safegaurd ..... and took few pieces for my use .
now everything is in their locker and as i cannot ask them directly for it , i would be getting little by little from them , though they will not oppose any of my plans , but definitely need dh s support and to some extent he is supportive esp cos i do not trust my in laws any more , and have shown my dh the reason and their act that made me suspicious .

 

I would like to share my experience too.After the marriage my MIL also kept all the jewellery that she will keep it safely and whatever.When i am not there she wears all my jewellery i can not say anything.Once i tried saying it to my husband he said why do you have problem sharing it with my mother.I would have any problem if her behaviour had been good to me.Anyways the worst is...she lost my jewellery and blamed my parents for it.She almost blamed them of stealing(in indirect sense obviously) and filled that thing in my husband's mind also.Later on it was found in her bank locker only.
It hasn't happened only once but twice.
Once i asked her to give me my diamond set and she said i gave it to you.Then i said no you never..then she created a whole scene in the house that i lost it or may be i took it to my parents place...but later on we found out my FIL kept it and forgot.
So this is how things work if they lost it then they have a lot of people to blame.
Better keep it to yourself.
I should have strictly told them that i want to keep it in my bank locker in initial months.It would have created some temporary tension but at least i would not have seen such a insult of my parents.I can never forgive my MIL for making such statements no matter how much she loves me.I hate her to the core of my heart.

 

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Dear Pooja,

I agree with ars. If those are given to you byy your parents and your relatives, you have all the rights to ask for it. But if its something your DH's relatives gifted you, you may try asking her but do not go to the extent of spoiling your relationship. Ofcourse you never know she may be good in other aspects and just stingy in this one. I kept my jewels in my Mom's locker till 3 years after our weddings. After my wedding we all moved to Hyd and it I was not able to open my own locker immedietly. My DH or my MIL never asked anything about it. During my wedding my mom handed over all silver articles to my MIL as it our wedding tradition. But my MIL was good enough to hand it over back to my mom after wedding . After my mom pestered to take my jewellery back I opened a lockker in Hyd and finally got them here. When I got them to Hyd that was the first time my MIL saw all my jewels in one shot Before that she has seen it in bits and pieces when I wear them occasionally​