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In-Laws kept all my gold wedding gifts, please help!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Pooja005, Dec 22, 2009.

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  1. Pooja005

    Pooja005 New IL'ite

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    Hi!

    My name is Pooja, I got married two months ago.
    Well the problem is that my in-laws have still all the jewelery, like gold sets, rings, earrings and all the money etc I got as gifts at my wedding day from my and their relatives. I would really love to have back my gold gifts as they are my wedding gifts. But my in-laws just kept them after wedding and even never mentioned or showed me again.
    Once I just asked my MIL if she could show me my gifts again as I would love to wear them.. but she just acted like she doesn´t know what I am talking about and changed the topic...
    Can you please tell me how I can ask for them without having any problems with in-laws?
    And what can I do in case they don´t want to give them to me and just keep the jewelery for their own daughter´s wedding next year???
    My parents are living very far away from us but I don´t want to involve them as this will make the relationship really bad between my parents and them and also between in-laws and me...

    Please help me,

    your
    Pooja
     
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  2. rosary

    rosary Gold IL'ite

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    whats your husbands stand on this ?
     
  3. Pooja005

    Pooja005 New IL'ite

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    well, I have talked to my husband about this. But it looks like for him it is okay if his parents keep my gifts. Because he told me once he´ll talk about it with them whe I asked him twice to do so (that was 5-6 weeks ago), but he has not yet.
    Of course I could ask him third and fourth time...but I don´t want him to go to his parents and say Pooja is complaining about you...or whatever. I don´t know how to handle it without having problems with them as I just married and dont want a bad relationship with them. But its bugging me...
     
  4. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Pooja, maybe you can arrange a small trip to any near by temple? If they say OK for it...wear your best saree and all. After that sweetly go to your MIL and ask her if you can wear any jewelry. I am sure she will give it to you then.
     
  5. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Pooja, Please be assesertive with your ILs. Go to your MIL say I want to keep all jewellery in Bank Locker and money for investements. Be bold when you talk.
     
  6. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    It depends upon which jewelry you are talking about.
    If it's the jewelry your parents gave you during the wedding and the jewelry you were wearing from childhood, definetly you should ask for it.

    If its little pieces that you got as gifts from the guests at the ceremony my first question is how did it land in your MIL's hands. Wasn't their anyone from your family next to you to collect things given. Any way if its gifts my take would be what is done is done. This is not a battle to fight. Don't spoil your relationship with IL's and get branded. Your husband knows about it. If you don't push on getting it back, in the long run you will definetly be rewarded by your husband. Enjoy your honeymoon period with your husband.
     
  7. Manaswini08

    Manaswini08 Bronze IL'ite

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    Regardless of how you got it, the items belong to you. My opinion is that you ask for your property to be given back and keep them in a safe deposit box in the bank. Make sure that only you and your husband will be allowed to open the box. You've only been married 2months so start the road on the right foot. Let it be known that you are a smart and assertive woman who cannot be bullied by anyone. If they dissapprove - that's their problem. Keep your stand.
     
  8. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    its your property why shame in asking
    ask again
    if you think she is changing topic
    when some relatives or friends come home before them say my so and so relative gave me that and was wonderful and ask your sasu ma to show it
     
  9. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Pooja,

    First of all - how did it end up with your MIL at all? It feel there is something fishy about the whole thing - First your MIL takes away all the jewellery, Secondly she doesnt even show those to you or give an explaination even after you ask and Thirdly, your DH also doesnt think it is a problem that your jewels are taken away without your consent.

    Talk to your DH again and tell him you would love to wear the jewels instead of keeping it locked up. Tell him that you want to keep the jewels with you so that you can mix and match pieces of jewellery with your clothes, wear different ones to different occasions etc.

    Ask him to talk to his mother about it. If he makes excuses, explain to him that those belong to you and DH ( to avoid a rift with your DH while discussing this, it is better say that "The jewels belong to us" instead of saying " The jewels belong to me".) and ask him for reasons why he thinks his mother should keep possession of those.

    Dont let him get away by making lame excuses. Keep asking him till he agrees to discuss with your MIL.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2009
  10. sushmamohapatra

    sushmamohapatra Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Pooja,

    Similary situation happened with me, when my dh left after our wedding to join back to work, and i was alone with my ILs. My MIL tried telling me in all different ways to keep my all my gold to her locker and tht i can take it bcak when I have one of mine. But I was firm that I would prefer to keep it in my cupboard till the time I get a new locker. And cash I had already made a FD ;), which annoyed my ILs both.

    In your case, it was natural, that you might have given your gold /gifts /cash to your MIL after the wedding to take of care of it while your away on your Honeymoon or she might have taken it sweetly saying, she will keep it safe for XYZ reasons. But as many have suggested, go and ask your gold back. I would not say about cash and all, because that might be something really annoying to your MIL. if the cash amount is huge,then say that you need to open a joint account with your DH or you want to make an FD of that amount or some amount, from the gift cash you got. If you ask all the cah amount, she will be offended, so ask some of it and let her keep rest.

    Regarding gold, tell her YOU want to keep it in safe locker. And my advise is, donot include your dh now for locker. Open it by your name only. This has happened with my elder sis. She had a joint locker with her dh (my sis was just 19 at tht time and unaware of such locker and account things), and after the wedding, she went to keep all the gold in that locker. But that smart guy, asked her to wait out at the counter saying tht it doesnt need her to come in and just put all the gold in his mom's locker, where she was already present in the locker room :rant. She lost all the gold she got in her wedding as gifts from my relatives as well what we had given to her.

    While you ask for gold /cash, be careful and yes be confident !

    All the best

    Sushma
     
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