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In Laws Entering Your Room

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Sani12, Aug 1, 2018.

  1. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Do you guys get irritated when in laws enter your room for dumb reason? Like if they keep their stuff in your room, or they come to tidy up your room or to charge their phone, or just stand and roam around or sit or rest. I do, and i am thinking if i'm over reacting. Its THEIR house afterall. I'm asking for people who stay with your in laws.
     
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  2. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Depends on what kind of relation you have with them. My mil many times sleep in our room and we don't feel bad. Some may find it awkward and irritating. If your h and kids don't irritate you then they should also not give you this kind of feeling. They should not feel that you are different and should left separated.
     
    anushri and nakshatra1 like this.
  3. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell me about it...i can write pages on the frustration tht my inlaws cause to me and constantly make me feel like an outsider with no privacy and their behaviour makes me feel that its not my home..its their hosue though typically in Indian scenario, where the woman is supposed to leave her parents home by default after marriage and shift in along with husband n his family and ''supposed' to make it "her new home" but alas...if only the inlaws really make her a part of their home n heart!!!!!! *Which is never possible*.

    My inlaws don't understand the concept of *privacy* unless it's night bedtime and suddenly they understand that they should let the young couple have *bedroom privacy*.
    Rest of the day, our bedroom becomes their bedroom ....they keep their things infact occupied most of "our" room with their things/clothes etc for which mil keeps coming into the room all day!

    Not only this, my mil wants me to cook but wont allow me to cook as I do ..it has to be done only as she does! So i did her a favour and let the whole kitchen to herself lol.

    She doesnt let me keep maid, she doesnt let me even have the freedom to make any decisions or changes in the home even if its as small as changing the curtains or buying the bedsheets or be it hiring maids ...and the big purchases....only discussed between the son n them n not even inform me. Duh!

    Worst is that they think to go for a temple visit but deny to give the house keys to me!!! Instead tell us to be at gome not go anywhere till they come back.

    Wah! I can go on pages and pages....
    *Sorry op...i got carried away*

    I also need solution like you op ...
    I m at present trying to make my dh understand how suffocated i feel in their home and how i dont like this ....i'm insisting him to take a separate house even if its next to inlaws ..atleast i can have freedom to decide how my home should be managed and.freedom n privacy to live without feeling suffocated and the feeling of "living with inlaws but feeling like a guest/outsider".
    But he is not taking serious actions till now to take house...perhaps his parents are brainwashing him against me that I'm separating "their baby son" from.his parents....
    But i dont care.... They do not.trear me as a family member then how can they expect me to accept "their home" as mine????

    Dear ladies help.me out too... And op....sorry i have no suggestions for you as I'm also in same.boat so waiting for others responses
     
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  4. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    I won't be irritated but I m not comfortable when my mil enter my room...n she won't come to our room until necessary...n we r staying upstairs so she wont come upstairs ...
    Try to change ur face r voice to indicate her that u r not comfortable with her in your room, as we can't say directly don't enter our bedroom...or you can close the door n latch it when u r leaving the room...it will give convey them ... And I'm not saying abt locking the room it will offend them...
     
  5. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Depends.....If they have some genuine reason they can always enter.....But entering frequently without reason is absolutely irritating....its somewhat attacking on the privacy.....
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ask your DH to get duplicate keys for yourself. If he doesn’t agree then as shown in movies take the impression of the keys on some soap and go to some key makers ;). Voila new set of keys!
    They may be angry on you but you need to prove them that even you are a part of that family and having extra keys are always beneficial if by chance the original keys are lost.

    Yes they need to give some privacy to couples. Else it’s so annoying.
     
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Coming to the room every time for small things is really annoying. When you need some privacy just close the door and lock yourself.
     
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    lol @shravs3 One of my friends did this once; lock the room.
    Her MIL would insist that she naps better in the couples room every afternoon. When my friend suggested that she doesn't mind shifting to the other room completely, MIL would say, no no FIL likes to nap there.
    So this friend of mine locked the room from inside once she had enough of this (it was summer and the heat was unbearable for her in the living room/ they only had ACs in the bedrooms). There was a big fight but eventually MIL stopped napping in this room. so ya, locking the door may lead to a fight but I think it will work like you suggested.
     
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  9. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for all.. i thought i'm crazy because i get irritated. MIL keeps her stuff in the room and FIL also keeps a li'l stuff. He hangs his clothes in our room so they always have an excuse to come.
     
  10. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    ,......

    Dealing with the same thing here.
    They don't understand WHY or WHAT does the DIL talk to HER SON SO MUCH at night.
    Is she complaining about me. ?? She just barghed into our room and was standing near the bed.

    During day time she would just come in wbilw I'm sleeping and start cleaning HER SONS cubbord.(as if I don't do it)
    Once it happend we we're on our honeymoon after 7-8 months of our wedding, and we did have protection (C) kept in the side table drawer.
    When we returned I noticed my cubboard cleaned. I had cash given by my parents in between clothes ..GONE..
    Worse...Protection kept on the dressing table..
    Had a big argument later...
    I was like ****... this is too much...
    From that time I carry my cubboard keys with me everywhere.

    They don't understand the meaning of privacy or the time to leave the room.

    If asked it goes back to flashback, saying we didn't have any privacy in those days it was big family living together with 8-9 people in 1bhk house, a d now a days younger generation wants privacy for everything.
    Etc..etc..


    Is there any way to make them understand.
     

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