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In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to enjoy

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Hyral, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    In-laws are returning back tomorrow :-( feel very sad...infact my DH has started showing me his earlier colors again....like getting panic on small small things and to dominate me always...but yet I would cherish wonderful moments spend with him...
    Am sure once in-laws are at home....my DH and MIL wouldn't leave eachother from talking.... :-(
    how to maintain peace? My BP raises high when I see constant interactions between DH and MIL also MIL manages expenses in house with money that my DH is giving...dont know when will I get to live in my house...dont know how u gals would take this up as but really....living with in-laws would be so difficult I never knew before marriage...my MIL is charge of everything and my poor DH though it is his hard earned money my MIL would decide where to spend in house also every month DH gives her 20k apart from buying appliances,renovation etc....I wonder what she does with that money...my MIL said me before going out of town that as parents their duty is finished and so now its my DH's responsibilities to look after house (interms of spending money) my Grandfather-in-law is nice man he opted to spend money on electrician work we had but my MIL returned money saying her son would only pay...my MIL doesnt like her FIL(DH's grandfather) so she doesnt take obligations from him...what the hell yaar....if this how it will continue...how will we save for kid in future we havnt planned kid yet but this all things scares me..also as she said their duty is over....she also added that she doesnt like to discriminate between DH's money and her husband's(my FIL's) Money...but want her son to spend.....STRANGE.she is forgetting that DH's younger sister is yet to get marry.....who would spend for her wedding? surely would be DH only.....marrying off daughter is parents responsibilities at first place and than brother's responsibilities.

    sorry to get off track...was extremely worried and upset so wanted to vent down.however I am wanting to discuss financial things with DH but not sure how to discuss he takes it negatively to whichever question I ask....I badly wanted to tell him what his mom said .... that to give money in everything we buy, repair, household etc is DH's responsibility now...but didnt tell him in these 5 day as wanted to enjoy with him. Am I ill thinking I mean when would DH understand that once we would have kid 1st family would be DH,me and kid.

    Please guide me how to deal with financial things...also he reacts as if I wont know abt finance and all....how can he?am educated softwared engineer know the things but for that he need to atleast discuss :( feel sad today...but would still enjoy at home as its last day to our home honeymoon
     
  2. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    Dear Hyral,

    Good to know that you had a great time with your hubby...

    Regarding your worries, No you are no ill thinking...you are just concerned. I would suggest the following..

    - Never complain anything about in laws to DH. No DH can tolerate or understand your perspective as he loves his family members as much as you love your people.
    - My father was the eldest son in the our family. He and my uncle (his brother) took the responsibility of getting their sisters and brother married. My mom and aunt helped them in all ways. Because of all the help they did then, both the ladies (my mom and aunt) are respected by everyone in the family.
    - "when would DH understand that once we would have kid 1st family would be DH,me and kid."
    I dont agree with the above statement. For any man, even after he becomes a father, his first priority will be his parents....I feel this is true even with women, the difference is we get so busy taking care of husband, children, inlaws etc., we hardly realize this.
    - Share your DH responsibilities and you will see a new person in him altogether. He will love you more and most importantly he will start respecting you.

    Sirisha
     
  3. unhappywife

    unhappywife Silver IL'ite

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    Dear Hyral,

    I understand you are super excited that you get time to spend alone with your husband for 5 days. But your husband may not feel so particularly when you send him out an sms asking him for plans to enjoy the time. Will you be happy if your husband shows happiness, when your parents and siblings leave home? Already, your hubby is very attached to his mom, doing such things will draw him more close to his mom.

    Ok let your MIL keep all your husband's salary. You start investing in your earnings. Start jewelry savings, lic policies and put RD or FD. This will help you to grow your money and secure for your future. If you start worrying about DH's money, you will only lose peace of mind. See him as your MIL's son rather than seeing him as your sole partner.

    According to DH and Mil, they are living like this since his childhood. So, the more you try to pull DH towards you, the more he will go to his mom. Ignore DH for some time. Join classes, read good books and keep yourself occupied in other things. Let your MIL keep DH. At one point of time, DH will start craving for your love and affection if you ignore him. Give it some time. Stop talking about DH's proximity with his mom. Afterall, its his mom not some other lady. Let them be close. Give it some time. Once you start having kids, things will change. Mil will get older in another 20 years, she is not going to be with you forever.

    If you want to manage everything alone, then you have to look for overseas jobs or a transfer to a different place. I don't think your dh would be willing for the same. If you completely stop talking ill about his people, stop interfering in his finance, stop craving for him, you will see a great difference in your life. Good Luck!
     
    4 people like this.
  4. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    Thank God this thread is not asking for different postures and if at all any other kinky stuff!!!

    Sorry, but I really feel, there should be some limit to what to ask and what not to ask in a public forum. "Ideas to enjoy?!?!?!" really??? He is your husband and don't you know what and how to be intimate and enjoy the alone-time?

    Hey, you asked for it and I can't stop from posting :)
     
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  5. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    Thanks Sriveda,
    yeah you are right that DH is MIL's son first than my husband...but why I feel its too much coz my MIL is always ill talking about her FIL that is my DH's grandfather who stays with us to the extent that she always openly wish in front of me that He dies soon :( am not that bad in thinking can never think ill of my parent-in-law also MIL's husband , my FIL is working from past 30 yrs I wonder he havnt made any savings....like my DH have spend for travelling and other rituals in wedding....wedding cost was entirely spend by my parents also the arrangements for their stay in hotel.

    Height is my MIL indirectly keep taunting me 'what if you take away my son' whereas she already knows DH is in her control...
    If parents are of priority for Man even after getting marry....why FIL havnt given priority to his Father and expecting from his son....here FIL and my DH dont share friendly bond but my DH would never hesitate in spending money and giving them money more than what they require.

    my MIL has full control over my DH and her husband....u know my FIL doesnt even exchange pleasantries to his father.So my point here is when they MIL-FIL are not treating grandfatherinlaw , they are expecting us to do more than what one usually does....i.e; to keep spending money on their daughter that is my sis-in-law and yes from giving money to run house to any other house related work DH only gives money. And am proud of my DH he doesnt feel that he is doing anything great....coz he is v down to earth but after spending all these money my MIL would always show to her relatives that FIL (her husband) is spending....she says DH's money is their money....we dont keep a/c of it...good than my question is FIL is still working cant he contribute???
    also my SIL is CA still is not working....though my parents have spend on my wedding...while I was working I use to bring things from my sal too would feel proud to spend from my salary though my Parents are well off and dont expect , atleast I use to buy my stuff myself....here she doesnt find need to work and keep spending...still ok with that but we know how tough is to manage kid's school fees....

    Dear everything has got a limit I mean for me my parents means a lot but after marriage my DH matters the most to me...My MIL-FIL spends DH's money like water....yeah I have started saving for our future....but lil worried....
     
  6. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    Hi Nandshyam,
    Thanks for posting
    Sorry if my thread has offended you....I didnt mean by asking for postures or any such personal thing...
    All I asked in this thread was , different ideas to plan date and what fun games to do...as earlier I have planned few dates for DH in Honeymoon and when alone but wanted more ideas.
    Didnt expect any naughty answers.
    Sorry once again.
     
  7. sundari77

    sundari77 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: In-laws are out of town for 5 days,I & DH will be alone :) pls suggest ideas to e

    Hi

    I can cleary relate to you problem and anciety and concern.but you know what you cant change a person over night . You know when you get married to your husband that you are going to be in a joint family right.

    Then why are you cribbing now. He will not change now. He will not think about your un born kid now. But once you bond in other areas and once you develop trust with each other all will fell in place.

    It all take time. Just invest your money wisely. Dont ill talk about your in laws to your husband. Start sharing your saving plans with your husband . Ask him advise as to how to plan your savings . Then slowly ask about his plans for the savings. dont interrupt for the first time. just listen. dont criticise.

    Slowly put an idea to invest in real estate for your future. All the while jsut start iit and leave it for teh first few times..

    talk about your friends and their savings generally.

    Slowly he will come around. Dont ever talk directly abt the money he is giving to his mother that will back fire .

    Regards
    Sundari
     

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