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Important information media refuses to glorify : At least let us talk it , here !

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vidhyabaskar, Feb 28, 2016.

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  1. Feb 28, 2016 #1
    vidhyabaskar

    vidhyabaskar Gold IL'ite

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    @Gauri03 , @Akansha1982 Members, I consider very intelligent and well read. I am surprised you guys and others jump into a thread a member has started with just ten past posts in IL, on a subject of fulfillment in sex due to not getting orgasms. My feeling says it is a male, posing as a female , wanted to have a conversation with women about what female orgasm and sexual fulfillment are up to.

    Well, I really can not confirm, it is just a feeling. That member could be a real woman too. (women going for ?water jet orgasms….so dependent on orgasms ?! ) There is nothing wrong in that possible man wanting to know about female sexual fulfillment by initiating a conversation with women. If he is a man, then his curiosity is appreciated.

    Whatever way it may be, that OP may be a genuine woman or a man, let us leave it aside. That is not the point of this thread.

    Now coming to the real and serious question : As women, you all know it too well, that for feeling fulfilled in sexual life, a woman need not have orgasms at all. There are studies in which women have vouched they are extremely fulfilled in their sex life, with very few times having orgasmmed or with no orgasm at all. This concept has baffled many men, in real life.

    The media keeps trying to make it real that a woman’s sexual fulfillment is directly proportional to the number of orgasms she achieves in sex. Search in google, you will get innumerable such sites. But the very important information that a married woman can be totally fulfilled in her sex life without any orgasm or with very few orgasm, is never shown in a big way.

    Don’t you guys feel, as women, it is the emotional feeling in sex which gives the sense of fulfillment ? In a scale of 1 to 10, if a woman is asked to rate the amount of satisfaction she had in a session of sex with her man, she would give ten out of ten, only if she had the intense feelings of love , affection towards her man and the sense of emotional connection during and prior to the act. No woman would ever give a rating of ten out ten, based on her orgasm in that act. An orgasm with no feelings of 'emotional connection' during the act, can be painful and irritating !

    Why don’t we educate that (wo)man and possible other male readers of IL, about such a vital information (that women’s sexual fulfillment is not measured by the frequency of her orgasms), which media , stubbornly refuses to believe in ?
     
    vidhyabaskar, Feb 28, 2016
    vidhyabaskar, Feb 28, 2016
    #1
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  2. Feb 28, 2016 #2
    vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Sorry not here to discuss what you had asked for.

    But as regards to the post you mentioned, I thought I would like to share some articles for you to read. The reason I am posting it here instead of the other post, is I had similar doubts like you. I am posting here for the benefit of knowledge and health advice which would be helpful to others. Still there is ongoing research, but would be worthwhile for everyone to know it.

    Human papillomavirus (HPV) and Oropharyngeal Cancer | Sexually Transmitted Diseases | CDC

    Can oral sex give you cancer - Live Well - NHS Choices

    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
    vaidehi71, Feb 28, 2016
    vaidehi71, Feb 28, 2016
    #2
  3. Feb 28, 2016 #3
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Let me try and respond to the Op.

    Some women are incapable of having orgasm for whatever reason.

    A lot of women are capable of having an orgasm but don't know how or are ignorant or shy to do any thing about it.

    A lot of women are capable of having orgasm but their husband don't know how to give them the orgasm or some times don't care.

    Some women orgasm easily ,some only sometimes and some very rarely.

    Some women do not orgasm early on in life but as they get more experienced....they do .

    Any person who has had an orgasm knows the difference between sex with orgasm and sex without orgasm.It is not the same.

    While sex without O (I am tired of writing it...no wonder it is not so easy:rotfl)can also be very fulfilling,emotionally bonding and has its benefits,sex with O can be all this and much more.

    O is not just a sensation....it has a lot of benefits.

    Short term benefits...it gives you physical release ,it can have the same benefits as a good massage and give you a really good and deep sleep.Okay this may be a bit of an oversell but it feels goood.

    Long term benefits....an interest in a good sexual relationship with your partner.We really can't oversell the benefits of a good sexual relationship in a marriage.

    Many women lose interest in sex after babies.This could be a reason.
    It is believed that men are more keen on sex ...maybe because they almost always orgasm every time they have sex.


    Saying that women can be fulfilled completely with sex without O is like saying...women can have a fulfilled life being housewives and don't need to go out and work. ...this may not be the best comparison .Let me try again.

    It is like saying women are capable of being fulfilled just eating vanilla ice cream and do not need chocolate topping to fulfill them.This is the best I can do...maybe others will have something better.:coffee

    Why just married women?
    It is not shown in a big way because it is probably not true.

    Times are changing and people including women want more from life...if it is possible.
    Our grandparents probably never saw each other naked in day light or any light because expectations were less.If husband and wife can have more ,then why not at least try.

    Let me try.
    1)Sex with out O...can be anything between 6-10, depending on various factor which could be anything from giggling to deep emotional connect or even the little pillow talk after sex.


    2)Sex with O....always ten and sometimes more.

    3)Sex just for physical satisfaction....again ,between 6-10.A lot of married people also sometimes have sex just for the physical benefits.It is fun only if both have fun and are satisfied...other wise it is a bit exploitative.

    Ability to have sex,to physically please and to have O have been given to humans by mother nature.Why sell ourselves short? If it is possible,then why not try to experience it.
    If not...then it is fine too....but to say that women are totally fulfilled without having O in sex is probably not right.
     
    yellowmango, Feb 28, 2016
    yellowmango, Feb 28, 2016
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    maya9876, nuss, cheenu123 and 7 others like this.
  4. Feb 28, 2016 #4
    Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I think @yellowmango has given a very comprehensive answer to your questions. I will add a few thoughts though I don't feel they're needed anymore.

    A woman can live without ever having an orgasm, sure, but fulfillment is a totally different ballgame. Speaking from personal experience, no, I don't agree with that claim. The best analogy I can think of is food -- Can one lead a happy life without ever having eaten at a 3-star Michelin restaurant? Sure you can, and you can be reasonably happy too. After all you can't miss something you haven't experienced. But when you do get an opportunity to do so, it changes the way you think of food. It can be a sublime experience. Just because you can't eat there everyday doesn't mean that it is not an experience worth having! :)

    Can you cite some of these studies? I would love to read up on their design and methodology. By study I mean direct links to peer-reviewed articles, not blog posts based on news articles, written by science-challenged journalists.

    Sex is pretty darn great by itself. Sex with someone you love and desire is even better. Sex within the confines of a romantic relationship, where both partners achieve fulfillment is heaven on earth! However, an orgasm without an 'emotional connection' is neither painful nor irritating. I'm curious why you have that idea.

    To your assertion that female orgasms are a media creation, I contend the opposite. There are 4000 year old Babylonian carvings depicting oral sex. There are cave paintings and carvings depicting female masturbation. Archaeologists in Germany believe they've discovered a 30,000 year old stone dildo. Those cave-women were sure getting it on! Women in ancient Greece were known to use dildos made of wood or leather called olisbos. Patrician women in Rome possessed exotic collections of masturbatory aids. There are depictions of both male and female masturbation and oral sex, in the erotic artwork at Khajuraho. Women's desire to pleasure themselves and be pleasured precedes the so called media machine. It is a natural impulse, fueled by biology. Nothing to feel ashamed about.
     
    Gauri03, Feb 28, 2016
    Gauri03, Feb 28, 2016
    #4
    madras2018, nandita24, nuss and 5 others like this.
  5. Feb 28, 2016 #5
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Almost didn't click on this Thread, thinking it is about some cliched women's oppression topic!

    That thread already has lots of good suggestions (Halls Mint candy was the most novel).

    To respond to question of this thread - my take on it is that, stop telling women how they should or should not feel. Let them have access to all the knowledge, information, and let them have the choices, and the ability to make the choices, without shame, without having to fight tooth and nail.

    Chances are some women will say that indeed they don't care much for O. And, some will resort to DIY mechanisms due to a not-so-keen partner.

    Give the women the information, the choices, and the right and ability to make them without shame and fear.

    Even here, a sub-forum for Intimacy came up only a while ago.
     
    Rihana, Feb 28, 2016
    Rihana, Feb 28, 2016
    #5
    nuss, pocahontas and yellowmango like this.
  6. Feb 28, 2016 #6
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    vidhya,
    Just popped in to say that I think you are very right about your hunch on trolling. Exactly the reason why I refrained from wasting my personal time on it.
     
    Ragini25, Feb 28, 2016
    Ragini25, Feb 28, 2016
    #6
    1 person likes this.
  7. Feb 28, 2016 #7
    kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    I agree with Ragini.....OP mentioned that he/she is a doctor, but still has so many confusions and questions about human sceince???

    Some men are having fun on IL (in the avtar of a woman) and having pleasure in discussing with women on intimacy related stuff....
     
    kcb, Feb 28, 2016
    kcb, Feb 28, 2016
    #7
  8. Feb 28, 2016 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, it is a possibility that the question got posted only or more for titillation. Can that be confirmed with a high level of certainty? No. So, provide the information if you can, keep it as matter of fact as possible. If not the OP, someone else will find it useful.

    More than the possibility of it being a member just out to just have fun of discussing the topic with women, it is disturbing when pretty much any topic on intimacy is shushed, and discouraged.

    No offence to OP in this thread, but a thread asking for help on oral sex is less harmful than a thread suggesting that O is not really needed, and that there are 'studies' showing many women find fulfillment without O, and that the media is failing to 'glorify' such studies. !!!
     
    Rihana, Feb 28, 2016
    Rihana, Feb 28, 2016
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    Amica, pocahontas, SGBV and 4 others like this.
  9. Feb 28, 2016 #9
    Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Not to mention the fact, that despite having only 10 posts the OP of the other thread has a clear and consistent post history. She is a doctor married to another doctor. Her marital problems, her familial issues, her struggle with studying for her post grad exams, her despair at failing her exams (which she posted on the positivity thread) are all fairly consistent. Taking her posts at face value, I see no reason to assume she isn't who she claims. If she is a troll, she is skilled and very very patient indeed.

    We can respond with pages and pages of advice for posters with a one post history, when it is a cultural or religious matter, but you say the word sex and we start wondering if it is a troll! Why does a discussion on sex make people so uncomfortable, I wonder?
     
    Gauri03, Feb 28, 2016
    Gauri03, Feb 28, 2016
    #9
    1 person likes this.
  10. Feb 29, 2016 #10
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    What if the poster is a male? What if it is a "curiosity" thread?
    Our answers are to the point, appropriate for the question. Not just the OP, but so many members read the answers, and benefit from it.

    We don't judge the OP even if he/she a newbie here when posting something controversial about relationship/politics?
    We give our answers in detail no matter what. But a judgement comes so quickly the moment we see a topic about sex.

    This shows our mindset about sex. It is still a taboo in certain places, and many women - despite of their educational background prefer to speak less about sex.

    However, the good sex is all about your knowledge, understanding and communication about sex. Of course the emotional connection is important and it ensures the fulfillment too.

    But, thinking vaguely that a strong emotional connection is ONLY enough for sexual fulfillment is not right. It only shows your limited knowledge about sex, and your unwillingness to learn/know more about it.

    Generally orgasm in women takes a lot of effort - from both partners.
    Unless both of you want that to happen, it won't happen just like that.

    Women who think it is a taboo to ask, will never communicate their need with their men. Men too find it comfortable; hence don't care.
    Since the women don't know the real taste of "O", any kind of sexual touch could give them the fulfillment if that is mixed with love/affection.
    This is how they convince themselves.
    However, their sex life comes to an end, or become bored after the initial excitement periods. Most of the women engage in sex as a duty only.

    Orgasm is not important untill you experience it. But it becomes important, and part of sexual fulfillment once you have it.
     
    SGBV, Feb 29, 2016
    SGBV, Feb 29, 2016
    #10
    madras2018, vidhyabaskar, coffeecups and 1 other person like this.
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