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Im In Need Of Help! I Feel Very Stressed And In Pain.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indubalram, Jul 11, 2022.

  1. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    All of you know my past and my life. My daughter is not completing her ms degree or getting any job. She is 27 now! She is married. And my brother is blaming me for everything. He says im not clever! How is im blames for her being this way? Pl advice! I feel miserable!
     
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  2. AliceMargaret

    AliceMargaret Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Indu garu,
    Its not your fault that your daughter has not completed her masters or found a job. Those are the words of a person looking to blame.
    Don't take to heart.

    Kind regards
    AM
     
  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You are taking every thing to your heart. So listen and leave it through the other ear. She is an adult, she is happy with her husband. She will go for studies or job when she wants to. Its beyond your control to change anything in her life, you can only suggest. Your posts indicate that others always blame you on your daughter' s life because you allow them to do so, because they want to put you down. No need to share your or daughters life details with others who try to gas light you. You need to support your daughter or diplomatically divert the topic when they start the blame game. Remove these self doubts from your mind. Take it easy.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2022
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  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Your daughter is an adult. She is married too.
    She is not your responsibility.
    Ask your brother to call her or her husband.
     
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  5. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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  6. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    is your daughter owe any money to your brother. or your daughter spouse. or your daughter spouse has issues and is complaining to your bro about her not getting job.

    if not what is the problem. why is your brother putting his nose in another family business.

    getting job, she can pick a job for lower skill. amazon, walmart has. those are respectable jobs.

    your kid is married. try to detach and spend your time on anything you wanted to do or learn.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    There is a tendency to blame the woman for anything that happens in the family. This is our culture and all what we woman can do is to ignore & move on. We can't change the society, but can change how we respond to such stupid blame culture.

    - When a kid misbehaves, the mother is blamed
    - When a kid doesn't excel in studies, the mother is blamed
    - When a kid is sick, or any misfortune happens, the mother is blamed.
    - When the husband is drunkard, the wife is blamed for not keeping in control
    - When he goes after other woman, the wife is blamed for not knowing this in advace

    The list has no end, but we can't stop living because of this.

    Your DD is an adult, and MS is not a kindergarten level study for a mother to follow up.
    If she wants, she will continue her higher studies. If she has a will, she will excel in that.
    All you can do is to support as and when she needs a helping hand. That's all.

    I remember my mom coming with me to my kindergarten, and push me to complete, because I was one shy kid and doesn't want to go. But when I grew up, my mother did not make me study my masters. She did not stop my sister from pursuing her studies further. We as adult chose what's best for us. Our mom only supported us whenever we needed her inputs. That's exactly a mother's role in an adult DD's life.

    You already have enough on your plate. Do not take any further
     
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  8. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks
     

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