Ils Biased Nature Hurting Dh

What happens in future is in your hand .What is the use of crying and blaming in future if it is too late.

Do people realize the cost of medical expenses in old age. One big surgery and hospitalization can wipe out the entire savings of a middle class family.

Is it fair to throw away all your money to spoil one child and then expect the other child to spend for big expenses from the saving for their grandchildren?
It is not..but who will explain that to such parents.
Only the effected child can......hopefully before it is too late.

Besides the ones who want to take care of parents will do it inspite of giving a hundred warning and the ones who don't want to take care will not take care inspite of the show of love and sanskar.That is the truth.

 

I think this competition for giving everything you buy stems from your refusal to do what they ask you to do.
It is their ego that is making them do so....it is like " you think if you don't take a loan, we can't buy our son the stuff we are asking you to buy..just watch us buy it for him" without actually saying the words.

Next time they ask you to take a loan for bil or even them ( since they have the money ) ....tell them about how you have taken loans for this and that and not eligible till you pay back the loans. Tell them about the school fees and doctors fees and how you people are barely getting by . ...instead of flat refusing .

 

It's not to sound politically correct . I do practice what I preach . I can never refuse to take responsibility of in-laws just like I can't neglect my own parents , though my in-laws have done worse partiality and financial stuff than OPs.

At same time I do respect ur views and understand u have done right as per ur context , how u handled ur situation . I feel u have done right thing for ur kids and future . It is admirable that u were able to handle this age old problem .

 

I did not mean you are not what you say
I meant my reply may be less politically correct and harsh ...but mean the same.

It is sometimes better to say things even at the risk of being unpopular if what you say needs to be said,often for everyone's good. Being quiet and nice is not always the right thing to do.It is not easy and it takes time.Took me 20 years.

I may be a bad dil in their minds but I am probably what the doctor ordered.

They let my husband know now that they have made fds and secured the property . We will not get anything but they will live with dignity and they live peacefully in the knowledge that the favorite child will have whatever they are saving in fds.

We are happy that they have resources for their needs as long as they are around.

I am fine being the bad dil as long as I am a good mother.

 

Op...do realise that if you people speak out ,you ( your children) may lose out on inheritance.

So if you feel your children need the inheritance ,then you will just have to bear with a smile.
Secure your finances and close your eyes to the rest.

Just being practical with the advice here.....

 

Define week child ? Is he disabled or mentally challenged? This is bad parenting you can put lipstick on a pig but the pig will be a pig.

 

Perhaps bil sounds mentally weak. If the younger child needs extra more attention in Maths,as parent they would spend more time on him. Here money involved thats all. I dont term it as bad parenting,they have raised op's h who is always within control in every aspects in life. Pigs are pigs, Monkeys are monkeys.

 

Mil retirement settlement and your fil's monthly pension will save their future errands. Continue maintaining a cordial relationship with in laws. How old is your bil?

 

What mentally week ?? This is rewarding bad behavior and they are not teaching their kid the right way to lead his life.

 

Yes teach the child that’s the right way, what they are doing is not teaching the child but writing it on a bit paper and sending with the child and saying copy this in the exam and you will pass