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Ils Biased Nature Hurting Dh

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by smilingdoll, Sep 17, 2018.

  1. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    ditto!
    well said.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  2. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    agree
    Don't get involved with what PILs and BIL as to what they do or don't do.
    Don't bother yourself if they imitate you. why do you care?
    You be financially responsible and don't go on debt like them.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2018
  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Dont get involved. It applies to both your hubby and you. It will come back to haunt you. Meanwhile tell your IL's and BIL family you shud not be mentioned in any of his finance dealings. Nobody in relatives or friends shud come knocking on your door to ask money for loan BIL took claiming you as surety or otherwise. Protect yourself. Change your BIL's adhar card address asap.

    Do not tell IL's to not heed to BIL's demands. They will bankrupt themselves funding your BIL .Be happy BIL is not bankrupting you in name of family. Your husband is also not into coddling his brother is a good thing. You need to keep a watchful eye on BIL's whereabouts so he doesn't use your house or anything else for his extravagance.Good Luck.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do they stay with you in summers?
     
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  5. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong in treating them well; because it reflects your goodness as long as your finances do not get mixed up knowing what you know.
     
    smilingdoll likes this.
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I was trying to see if in-laws stay with them in summer to take care of school-going kids.

    Anyway, my short advice to OP would be to just be there for husband if he needs a listening ear for his hurt feelings. "Listening" being the key. Do not add to his sadness. More practically, be prepared to take care of in-laws physically and financially when they are really old. Since they are physically and financially doing well now, back off, enjoy the distance and peace for 10-15 years, start to save monthly for the financial strain coming up. Be mentally prepared that in-laws will squander off all their money or give it all to younger son, and be destitute in real old age. Follow the adhaar card and other "protect your house, assets from BIL" advice others have posted.
     
  7. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    BIL and anyone else. Your hard earned money is yours and needs to be protected.
     
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  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very much possible , and true advice
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Ghar ghar ki kahani.
    The excuse is" you people are responsible ,they are not ".
    On top of that the sermons, " they are like that only,you have to take care of them ".

    The solution is to be very clear .
    1) Don't have expectations from in law.....once you are clear about that ,the bitterness will be less.

    2) Safeguard your future.
    Invest for long term .Make sure it is safe in both your names.

    3) Inform bil and inlaws that you will not take responsibility of bil in any way . Once he is done with in laws money...he can go beg on the streets or go to jail ,you will not help him .

    4) Your in laws are self suffient financially .
    There is no reason why they should depend on you financially after they have given everything to their errant son . Let them stay with their favorite son. They reap what they sow.
    They have spoilt him and made him irresponsible.
    If they are not bothered about their financial wellbeing when they have the resources,they should not expect the non favorite son to be responsible for them later .
    If they don't want to listen to the responsible son ,they should not expect him to listen to them later.

    Make sure you both are not responsible for any of bil's financial misadventures. Talk to a lawyer.
    If you have to put a notice in the paper to safe guard your future ,do it.
    Tell him to change his address on all documents.
    If he does not do that...talk to a lawyer on how it effects you and what needs to be done.

    Op....be proud that you both are responsible ,self made people.
    Don't expect anything from in laws .You will feel free.

    Keep a little distance from them.
    Keep your finances and investment a secret from them .Do not show them what you are buying .
    This way atleast they will not waste their money in mindless competition and won't go broke.

    Op.....do they resent you as a dil .
    Sometimes this stark discrimination stems from their deep hatred for the dil . This is the way they choose to punish the son who lives with the non favorite dil peacefully.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
    shreepriya, sindmani and Agathinai like this.
  10. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    If you have two kids please practice this in your own family and see the outcome if you don't then don't make grand statements like this, if the OP's FIL decide not to have any kids he will have more of his hard earned money to enjoy, he should have made that decision rather than have two kids and behave like one kid is born to him and another kid he picked up from the side of the road.

    Even animals can not tolerate injustice

     

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