If husband says "Address not negotiable" your response?

In my opinion....all mature adults should stay as nuclear families atleast for the first 15-20 years of their married life. Later on if relations are good...then parents can join them.


Besides why do only the parents of boys have this serious problem of living separate. The parents in 'girls only' families seem to manage fine.

 

Thank you!!!

My reply was not to if the parents dont want the guy to live with them.....I am sure you understood it.
So if the parents dont want the guy to live with them then so be it..... :biggrin2:
where's the problem????

 

The problem is that the parents (because of social pressure etc) do not bring up the issue that they would like the adult children to move out so that they (the parents) can continue their lives. So everyone is suffering, the parents (having to live with adult children, dils, grandchildren), the dil (not being able to build an own home with her husband, having to live with "strangers"). The son maybe comfortable as he can still be a child having the parents and wife serving him

 

Hehehe to such parents I would say "you reap what you sow".

 

Dinny I agree with you 100% but just to give another angle to your argument. What about the girl. Girls parents have also brought her up and taken care of all these years. You may say their son will take care of them. But what if the Girls parents dont have a son.

I agree nowadays things have changed and guys are agreeing girls to support their parents when needed. But I dont think the culture has changed enough to let girls parents also stay with guys family.

Sorry if I hurt any ones feelings here. But I have presented this argument just to give another angle. But I would defintely say Yes and go ahead with the marriage.

 

Dont worry Rajniti you were frank but not blunt

I want to believe the culture has changed.These days guys do look after the girl's family tone of my friend who's mother lives alone in India was having some serious issues with her neighbors.My friend's father died long back and her mom used to live alone in India.
My friend's husband knew that the lady (my friend's mom)would not sell her ancestral property so he bought her a flat.And now the lady lives there.This guy loves his mom-in law as much as his mom.
I want to believe that the world is changing....dont burst my bubble

:goodidea:

 

If still unmarried, and this question is popped to any guy, i doubt anyone would accept for his "address being Negotiable". Besides, doesn't it appear to be a pre-conceived thought of moving out and staying alone probably in anticipation of differences arising with ILs once married.. The so called family structure is already on the decline and what with just one kid per couple, we may just end up being a three some, not a family. Just my thoughts. No offence intended.

 

So you agree that parents should raise their sons to become independent, responsible adults that move out and build their homes with their wives.

 

I would never agree to this condition. Not because I hate his family before even I know them but it is a sign of rigidity/inflexibility. Circumstances keep changing all the time and one needs to adapt per the circumstances.
In my marriage, there was no such condition from my husband but I ended up suffering enough to negotiate the address after marriage. The fact that I didn't discuss this address point before marriage with my husband became an advantage for my husband to hit back at me. When ever any argument cropped up he answered back saying "You never discussed the address before marriage, so I assumed you were fine with my parents address".


I would advise every girl to bring it up before marriage and ask what his future plans are?, whether he wants to stay in the same address as his parents are or is flexible to adapt to changing circumstances.

 

I would love to see more girls say they want their husbands to live with her parents

I love my PIL's - they are young in their early sixties. I don't think they would like us to cramp their lifestyles. We sometimes envy their fully deserved retired life of fun, travel, relaxation with children and grandchildren and some day hope to live like that.

Pity parents who raise children as insurance for their old age. its their insecurity that leads them to interfere (and thereby poison) their children's marriage.