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If husband says "Address not negotiable" your response?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Dragonfly1, Jan 20, 2014.

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  1. Jan 20, 2014 #1
    Dragonfly1

    Dragonfly1 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi all- A new member here.

    If the man you were to marry (or married to) insist on living with his parents and issues an ultimatum that his "address is not negotiable" would you go ahead with this marriage (if married accept that quietly)?

    Recently saw all these rumors about Bachchan junior and Aishwarya and that got me thinking had I been in a situation like that would I have gone through with such marriage no matter how much I liked the man. I don't think I could be in a relationship where the man makes unilateral decision.

    What is your take on this? Men welcome to chime in on your opinions.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2014
    Dragonfly1, Jan 20, 2014
    Dragonfly1, Jan 20, 2014
    #1
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  2. Jan 20, 2014 #2
    CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    There are basically two things:
    - making decision living with his parents
    - making decision where to make the home with his wife

    I would not marry a man who still lives (and want to continue) with his parents. He has not lived indepently, may not know even basic householding things and may be still attached emotionally to his parents.

    And it is clear that living arrangements/Place are always mutual decisions.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2014
    CrayoNess, Jan 20, 2014
    CrayoNess, Jan 20, 2014
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  3. Jan 20, 2014 #3
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree with you completely.
     
    yellowmango, Jan 20, 2014
    yellowmango, Jan 20, 2014
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  4. Jan 20, 2014 #4
    Dragonfly1

    Dragonfly1 Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree Crayoness- There is this school of thought among us Indians that if a woman wants to have her own home, she is destroying the family. There is something very attractive about a man who has his bearings straight and can live independently. Frankly even a single man or woman for that matter, living with his mama and papa well into twenties is really very strange.

    There is also another line of thought that a man who sets his own home with wife is under wife's influence or not man enough. I call a man or woman capable of making all decisions in life on their own- an adult.
     
    Dragonfly1, Jan 20, 2014
    Dragonfly1, Jan 20, 2014
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  5. Jan 21, 2014 #5
    anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    if address is not negotiable, marriage is.
     
    anahita5, Jan 21, 2014
    anahita5, Jan 21, 2014
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  6. Jan 21, 2014 #6
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    That seems the only choice given to women, if even that Anahita. Sad comment on the state of affairs of our Indian society which shouts out from the roof tops at the least opportunity about the rich Indian culture, Goddess worship, respect for women and what not!
     
    satchitananda, Jan 21, 2014
    satchitananda, Jan 21, 2014
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  7. Jan 21, 2014 #7
    sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Even someone like Aishwarya - self made, successful and rich- seems to have accepted this. That was the price she paid for the Bachchan name.

    What is the hope for a regular woman in India? According to me, no matter how much you love a guy, if he can issue such ultimatums before marriage, that is clear indication of what is to come. Once woman is married and has a child, by nature she tries her best to settle and compromise. Even Aishwarya does not seem to be immune to that. All that puppy gaze at her husband and hanging on to the FIL all seem to be thing of past.
     
    sdiva20, Jan 21, 2014
    sdiva20, Jan 21, 2014
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  8. Jan 21, 2014 #8
    Quebec

    Quebec Platinum IL'ite

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    Lol...... I am so happy.....

    The new ILiets coming through our youth academy are fantastic...

    Here's to the next pages to come....

    As far my opinion.........

    Dont wanna be an adult.... Boo hoo.......

    Child all my life........ Maybe single also :hide: he he he............. :biggrin2:
     
    Quebec, Jan 21, 2014
    Quebec, Jan 21, 2014
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  9. Jan 21, 2014 #9
    Flyingsparks

    Flyingsparks Silver IL'ite

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    I wouldn't ever want to get married to such a guy..i was like you when i was looking out for alliances..infact, i used to respect & admire such guys..but now,after going through hell in my married life, inspite of ils staying away from us, i would never suggest anybody fot that idea..


    nobody will change after marriage or rather before marriage..it's just adjustment,compromise,obligation,situations,society,fear sometimes resposibility.. that's it..from both the folks-women & men..all in the disguise of love, affection,family...
     
    Flyingsparks, Jan 21, 2014
    Flyingsparks, Jan 21, 2014
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  10. Jan 21, 2014 #10
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It would depend on so many things. In the first place, I would tell him that I don't like "ultimatums" and "not negotiable" is for business deals, not marriage. Then, it would depend on how keen or desperate I am to get married, and how keen or desperate to marry him only. Also, things like am I financially independent would matter.

    If I have to say yes, I would do it with a mutual understanding that now or later there might be something that I am particular about.

    In general, I think each person has some things that they will not compromise about, and if they are open about it, and present it in a non-confrontational manner, why not.
     
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2014
    Rihana, Jan 21, 2014
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