I think my husband is not who I thought he was....

Meanwhile ASG our friends have asked you to keep eyeing him throughout a week..fine..But does he know your id in IL?As you trusted him so much you could have shared your id i guess.If he sees any changes in you and thinks that you would take support from IL So can peep here..Jesus Prettina why does your mind work so much?:idea

 

Its okay my dear...
Be cool...Take shower...Have some hot coffee..Relax your mind.. you might have known in few hours of you posting how many replies have been gathered..We are all with you..So dont worry.God is always with you..

 

ASG,

I have been reading your posts and always admired your maturity in dealing with issues. My hugs to you. Was really shocked to read your post today.

But after thinking over this issue, I feel that God is with you .That's why you found out what your husband is doing behind your back in time. Anyway, wait and watch for some time. Incase it was just some aberration on his part, do what you feel is right. Otherwise, if he is indeed not changed and still the same old self, better know it now than after some years. From the way I see it, your husband has more to lose than you. I pray God that he gives justice to you.

 

Dear ASG

I read here every day, but rarely post as I am never confident that my advises would be any good. I read because some of the advises given by others are excellent and so are yours. You are one of my favorite people here and I admire you the most. So mature in such a young age. A big hug to you.

It hurts to see, that you have to go through this. I fell that "tumko buri nazar lagehi".

What will happen if you remove the BM stuff? Will he scream and shout and be angry at you? How angry are you at him? Could you hold your ground or would you succumb? Same thing goes for gathering the evidence. Even if you don´t show it to him, that you have it, would know whats going on not make everything clear or at least clearer?

On another note. Could it be, that your husband has a lot of pressure at work and is looking for a way to steam off? Maybe in his (sick) mind he is not betraying you, only having some "innocent" fun? Could there be a reason, why he is acting like this?


My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you.

 

Dear Friends,

In todays world internet has srunk the world in literal terms.Now that you get what you desire on click of a button.Internet **** is a problem that is found in every office and it is a very common phenomenon.I have seen very dedicated husbands ranging from the age of 25-55 indulging in it (i am no way justifying the act)thanks to my friend who is in IT.

I think it is curiosity and male nature that is causing all the fury in your life.if things were to be taken seriously and be the cause of divorce 75% of marriages would be over.My advice talk to him and tell him howmuch mental trauma you have undergone.I am sure your matter would be resolved.

Take light.

 

ASG, I had always wondered, why you married a person that is older to you by 13 yrs. This is not natural in India anymore. Secondly, you are an American of Indian origin and he's and Indian of Indian origin. Didn't you face cultural differences? In addition, he was divorced when you married him. In India, we really think several times marrying a divorcee whilst searching for a groom for the first marriage. What prompted you to marry a divorcee? Are you sure this is not a Greencard fraud?

I am asking you these questions, because it might help you to look at his personality in a different angle. You are very young and you have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Don't waste your time with someone that abuses you emotionally constantly. As I always say, you are born to be happy never to get abused.

 

ASG,

I love your attitude to life, and have often thought of how wonderful it would be to have someone like you as a friend with me. I am not really a relationship expert, not yet married but I am almost same aged as you- 23.

I read thro your post, researched on S and found that she is a mere model. And that, too a cheap stake. My bad guess, is that any husband is looking just at some weird passe cyber s** and it may stop at that.But given your husband history, I am unable to stop there. By any freaking chance, is your husband in the ad agency/model contracting line of work? I read up on her, and she seems to be a very professional person, in her line of work. She has even written on being against the idea of modelling being taken in for prostitution. She is a model, and from my reading - she stops there. She is adding people of her “business” world on FB and has given open invites to folks to do the same on a site. I am not sure if I can give those links here on IL – but she has said, about 3 months back – “Yes I am on Face Book but it's absolutely for professional purposes...Don't encourage any other except business networking”. By any chance, does your husband have something to do with these on professional reasons? I am not saying this to stop trusting your instincts but give it a fair thought. Start looking at his other friends, and see their friends. Snooping around gives lots of information and extensively google on every one of them. Be a smart person, as you are and don’t let your mind be affected by what your heart is going thro.

None of us are there, and none of us can take your decisions. So, be as enormous as you can in your power. There are a lot of things for you to handle here. Start with becoming mentally strong. Pray often, and more than praying - learn to calm you better. Nothing can go worse, than what your imaginations can trick you into. It is very important, for you to be strong to do whatever you want to do. Do not let anyone ( MIL, husband) influence/control your thought process. If required, take a break from school and pack your bags for a couple of days to your mom's or a friend's place. If you live in a place that has a retreat/a orphanage or at least a place of worship where you can stay away from people - do that now.

Collect enough evidence – internet history, screen shots, messages etc and have a talk with your DH. I would tell you to go out with him, and tell him calmly that you saw his friend as Shabana on FB( You need not tell him you logged in his account. I assume you are on his friend’s list, so you can technically see his friends, unless he has blocked it. But check the possibility) and ask him what his intentions are. Please dont subject yourself to this emotional turmoil now. The first step is to recover back your lost strength, and then see what you can do best to live with it. Do not, under any circumstances let yourself be subjected to physical/verbal torture just because the "woman" in you is subject to emotions. Get over the "blankness" to take any thoughts further.

I believe people can change, good relationships can go bad and yes, love can wilt. You are young, the world is with you to explore. Calm, relax and take one step at a time. Learn to unlearn many of your previous thoughts about him, and trust your guts. Tell to yourself, it will be all right and the best is to come-always. Realize the truth, and take it in the best manner possible. It may not be the best time to subject yourself with a lot of "why ", "how" questions, but do take the time to think of your life in retrospect. I am sure you had reasons/gut calls and of course love to take the relationship this far - and you shall to do it even further, if that is what it is meant to be.

On a safe note, visit a few recipe pages in IL, and have them in your history. Your husband can be equally suspicious of you do not leave any traces behind. Just a bizzare thought. Ignore it if you find it silly.

Regarding BM, I cannot write any details here, but I know it exists and have been subjected to it a couple of times. With no further ado, start your journey inward and gain all that strength. As your signature says, the hero lies within.

Take care girl, have always admired you and please, stay the same happy, no-nonsense, levelheaded girl we all know.

Lots of hugs and love,
Arch