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I really don't know:(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Jun 18, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    I really don't know how to start... I just want to vent out all my frustrations... It could be due to my hormonal imbalance... Could be the fault of my self, fault of my husband or our incompatibilities.... But I am so down now... I have no other means than this forum to talk out my mind...

    Friends.. Please bear with me...

    I am 10 weeks pregnant now... As you all know, these first trimester issues and morning sickness are just tooooo much for me to handle. This is my first pregnancy and I am just new to this independant married life (we live in our own house now).

    I just can't handle all the house hold chores, cooking, cleaning and taking care of my DH, while I am down with these sickness throughout the day. I feel so weak and couldn't wake up in the mornings sometimes.

    First, I have been so pampered by my parents throughout my life... I have never done all such house hold chores (without a servant) before...
    Second, I am so weak now a days... As you know I had spend nearly 1.5 yrs in a very difficult enviromrnt (i.e Darfur/Sudan) for work with lots of hardships... Which includes lack of nutritional foods, health care and all. This definitely affected my body(health) to a great extend.
    Third, my current pregnancy issues.... I am totally down with nausea and vomit

    Due to all these, I felt I can't handle my home alone... So I asked my DH to take care of his own meals (at his parents home for a while, as they live close by) and I shall eat at my parents home (they too live in the same area). Both parents happily agreed to this idea as they are so happy about this first pregnancy and ready to help.

    I somehow managed my nausea with my favourite food and freedom at my momma's home.. Where as I didn't have to worry about cooking and cleaning as my DH ate at his parent's home.

    After his work time, he picked me up from my momma's home and we eat out (i don't eat) our dinner and sleep in our own home - This has been the arrangement for now.

    This arrangement helps me a lot with my pregnancy issues... But on the other hand, I miss my DH a lot.
    He comes home late in the night after finishing his dinner, then goes to bed withot even inquiring about my health. I used to vomit throughout the night, but he rarely notices it.

    In the mornings, I suffer too much to wake up at 5 am and prepare his tea and other morning stuff... But he doesn't notices anything dispite my open talks.

    In weekends also, he drops me at my momma's home purposely and never comes to visit me during day time. He just doesn't care about me I guess.

    Recently we are having some oral fights... Arguments over petty issues.. Its like.. I forgot to send his application by mail, I washed his new dress together with an old one, so the new one got spoiled... My chapatti was so rough and my curry was not tasty the other day... All were petty issues, and I had valid reasons to justify my mistakes as he was at fault in many places, that made me spoil his works (the application issue and dress washing matter). He never allowed me to say any reasons... He just started a fight for each and scold me like anything.

    He says I am useless... He never enjoyed any marriage life happiness with me... He would have been much happier if he hadn't married to me... He wants to live separately at the other room with his stuff... He even asked me to stay at my momma's home until delivary...

    One night, he packed his bags and wanted to go and sleep at his parent's home by leaving me alone in our home.

    Today, I washed his costly red colour T shirt together with my brown Salwar. I didn't know the cost of that T shirt, and he kept it at the washing bin just like a normal dress. He even used to wear that costly dress at nights when he relaxes alone.. So, I thought it is just a normal one and didn't give any priority to that T shirt.

    When we dried it up, I noticed that the T shirt got spoiled a little with some brown spots in its hands (obviously from my shalwar) and it didn't go Its an old one too... so, i beg his pardon and asked him to buy a new one if he feels so bad about it.

    He got angry... When I hold his hand calmly, he just ignored me roughly and said he will leave me soon. This is his repeated word of threatening since marriage for whatever the matter. I felt so angry too, so I asked him not to threaten like this for such petty issues always.. and if he repeats so, I will also do the same for him.

    For this word, he got angry... started his bike and went somewhere... I tried to reach him but he doesn't respond to his calls. He is not at his parents home either.

    Its luch time... I really don't know whether to go to my momma's home or stay alone here (and starving all day) till he comes home.

    I am so confused and can't take this rubbish all the time...

    What to do? Any useful tips please????
     
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  2. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    Tugga,

    I can hear you.As you say all this happen because of the hormonal changes as your pregnancy progresses! Remember,this too shall pass.Dont worry for this.

    Good Luck!
     
  3. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,
    Hugs to you! Cheer up! We are all here to hear you.
    He will come to you in next few hours!Have your lunch, and dont hurt your baby.
    No doubt, this is all due to incapable of managing things due to your morning sickness and vomiting throughout the day.
    This life is what you wanted , sincerely prayed for it and finally your dream came true. And now, you got baby bumps too! Good way to go.
    These kind of petty issues will be there throughout the life, so try to control your anger afterall you both have to lead rest of your life and need to welcome LO soon and you should go hand in hand.
    Try to do breathing excersises and meditation for sometime. Consult gynic, if MS is terrible. Soon your bundle of joy will be in your hands, that time you wont have time to spend with DH. So, try to spend time together. Ask him to come early and try to spend time on weekends atleast and you both can cook,clean and organize.
    Appoint a maid to take care of all household chores and cooking too. Occassionally you can cook and you both can have good time too.
    Happy mothers will get happy kids. So keep smiling!!!

    All the very best.
     
  4. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks RG and Priya for your kind words.

    I feel so bad today and tears roll down from my eyes since morning... Its been 1 hr since he left home.. I have been trying to call him since then. He doesn't even want to know why.... How can he ignore a pregnant woman when she is really sick and alone... Be it whatever the angry, he should have some empathy over me as I am bearing his kid and hence all these issues.

    He has been nice all the time... He buys me food, take cares of me like a kid when he is cool and happy. There is no doubt about his love.

    But he has been taught that pregnancy is not a deseace and hence his wife shouldn't behave so.
    His mom, cousins and non of his relatives had nausea or any sickness during pregnancy. Its all strange for them to hear that I am suffering this much.

    Specially his mom and cousin keeps on saying that I have been pampered so much, hence I don't know how to handle this.

    That's not the truth... My mom had severe nausea and it went upto her 9th month. She had to admit in the hospital for sometimes to get over this sickness... and I think I got this from her... But my ILs and now my DH thinks I am acting... pretending to be weak to get their helps... Which irritates me.

    I even thought of starting my cooking despite of my sickness...

    With all these anger, I sometimes feel like comitting to suicide and write a note in a paper mentioning that my DH is the sole reason for this. I just want to give him an unforgettable punishment for being so harsh with me, specially during my most weakest time.
     
  5. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

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    hey Tugga..congrats for the good news! Regdng your problem- actually men can not understand women so well and therefore have very little sympathy or empathy esp so if the lady is pregnant! There are exceptions of course! Now, better not wallow in self-pity! Why dont you enquire with teh doc on how to get rid of this morning sickness or ill feeling. i have two kids and during the first trimester my doc gave me some medicine so that I could get rid of morning sickness. And regarding household chores, be relaxed and consider all this as learning lessons! Dont react when your DH gets angry...some men have the habit of screaming left right centre. And since he is otherwise nice, try to remember that and be more careful from here on. Rememebr its your home and cooking meals or keeping the home nice is not being like a maid, but just for having a beautiful surrounding and cooking out of love. Try to seek pleasure, read cookery books...but first tackle neausea and all that! maybe your feeling of misery is nothing but purely out of hormonal imbalance. Try yoga...and chill, yar! He is your hubby and you know that he loves you. So love him too!
     
  6. Mythily

    Mythily Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Tugga,
    My hugs to you friend....Cheeer up girl!
    Yes...these things happen in life....but dont worry...they'll go off soon too...
    Jus now read ur post 'unforgettable experience'....jus check how many times u have praised ur husband there....and ur courageous job that u underwent in Darfur...is it the same lady crying now?

    Just have a talk with ur husband to set things alright.... an open talk will help get rid of problems....
    Dont worry and dont cry often too....its not good for the baby....just indulge urself in the activities u like the most....if its too bad,get a gyno's advice...Be happy alwaysss...take care dear...:cheers
     
  7. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    Tugga, I think most important thing for you right now is your health and your unborn child's welfare.

    I know, that you would want to spend time pleasantly with your DH during this time without having to take any heavy work. Is it possible for your husband to spend time with you at your mother's house may be few days every week while you remain with your mother? You can make him agree for this as you are not keeping well and needs to be in care of your mother but at the same time you miss being with him.
     
  8. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey Dear,
    Calm down...this much stress is not good for the baby.....By thinking all this you are actually punishing the innocent baby than your DH....


    There you are! You know, he has been nice, but behaving a little wierd (or rude) time being....So, just ignore for sometime and concentrate on the baby....BTW, pregnancy is not a deseace is correct...but what your DH needs to understand is "it is a LOT of physical change which is taxing on a woman's body as well as emotional state".... If possible, ask him to read the book 'what to expect when you are expecting' or any similar book on pregnancy and related changes....

    Take care...

    ~S.
     
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes Tugga you have been spoilt rotten at your parents place like all of us. But you have to grow up.
    Why not keep a maid to do cooking instead of running to each others parents for food ? Or they can send food over. Your routine sounds very tiring.
    All this is making you look incompetent, think about other girls who manage pregnancy, job and house and their hormones , with no parents closeby .

    Imagine him telling his colleagues about his routine, how immature it sounds ! Wife is pregs and we run to our parents for food.
    And why are you skipping dinner ? Its very important to have dinner and not go to bed on an empty stomach . You are doing this to avoid outside food ! This will increase your nauseau in the mornings as well as night.

    Your DH must be thinking as how you will manage baby and yourself later ? One does not run to parents however convenient it might be.
    Please grow up and stop making excuses about previous posting , hormones etc. Think of how girls manage second pregnancy with a little one going to school !
    Learn to manage your household.

    You can shift to your parents place till you feel well. This way you will get complete rest and will be well taken care of.
     
  10. Prettina

    Prettina Gold IL'ite

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    Tugga dear,

    I just dont know how to console you..
    I just pray that this sad times to roll out fast...
     

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