I really don't know what to do...

shruti1487 · Jun 6, 2015

Ok so I'm in Mexico vacationing 12 weeks postpartum and enjoying every little bit but I don't know what's holding me when I'm alone. There some things that I want to share and I hope you will help me out in figuring :

1. Husband wants to have xxx and sometimes talks dirty. He says husband wife should be open with it. Now I've been into this marriage since 4 yrs and I should tell you that my husband was never like this before until I got pregnant and he went to the other room to release his temptation by watching ****. Please mind I allowed him that time as I was not feeling doing with him and never wanted him to suffer coz of me.

2. I don't like to kiss my husband, hold his hand or even see his face. This happened especially after the episode with my parents. My husband talks bad about my parents, especially my mom. I hate to hear about it and have told him several times that I don't like it. He then says that he is joking and then starts again. Now this happens when he is sitting beside the beach, drinking his beer or playing cards with me. He not only jokes about my parents but also his parents and tells me to be open. He says that I can also speak anything about his parents too to which I say that I do t like that stuff at all.

He was not like this before and I don't know what's gotten into him. This nature that he is developing makes me worry that he may never reconcile with my parents.

On the other hand, my parents don't leave a chance to show me that they don't care about me. My mother has visited to Canada and currently staying with my sister. My sister keeps posting their photos on her Facebook. I've tried not to docs and followed cut advise of blocking them on Facebook but that has caused many issues so finally I decided not to block them and just ignore their posts.

My mother bought MK purse (I know to show off to me coz she knew I bought one when she visited me - I don't mind but I know she is showing that off that she is better without me). My father is a retired person and I'm sure my mother would have made a high deal to buy that purse. She has started to show off so much stuff.

I want to ignore and move on. I want my old husband back. I want my life to return to normal. I hate my mother so much. I just want to be happy and I'm trying too but these little things piss me off so much. What to do?

guesshoo · Jun 7, 2015

Shruti, you need therapy. There are far too many things going on in your life and you need professional help to sort it out quickly. You don't have much time to waste, IMO since your role as a mother depends on you being mentally strong and at peace. Therapy will help you bring acceptance to what ever had happened and work out strategies for living happily despite whatever constraints.

Over here, we give the suggestions and you can either take it or not; you might choose not to take the one which might have worked best. In therapy, you would be the one figuring out solutions for what would be best for you; hence you will be committed to whatever changes need to be done. I wish yiu the best.

resmij · Jun 7, 2015

Hi,

i feel, please seek professional help from a therapist. Speak to your mother, and sister. Open up how you feel, if they are knowingly or unknowingly showing off infront of you.

may be they are not doing the way you are thinking. If you could mention that you are feeling bad for the way they are behaving with you.

and do attend the counseling with your husband. Involve him in parenting. Also speak to him, how you feel when he opens his mouth to joke about parents.

relax,

take care
resmij

shruti1487 · Jun 8, 2015

Thank you ladies: I've opted for therapy but my first appointment is in a month. They didn't have a different time available for the first appointment.

I know I need therapy the most. I also want to share something that happened last night. We returned from the airport and I opened my Facebook. There my sister posted my son's photo (that I had sent her in private) and compared it with my brothers childhood photos. Now I don't like to post my son's photo on Facebook. Moreover I only put limited photos. Once in 2-3 months. I felt quite bad and told her to remove the post. She removed it but started to throw tantrums on me that I'm being instigated by someone..that she knows it's my baby and they are not related to him. I humbly messaged to remove the photo and all she did was stated accusing me..was I wrong?

GoneGirl · Jun 8, 2015

Great that you opted for therapy. Hope you will find some much needed peace with that.

You are absolutely right in asking your sister to remove your son's photo from FB. Maybe they did not know that you do not like posting your son's photo online. Even then, there is no reason for her to start throwing tantrums and be angry with you.

Jazmine83 · Jun 8, 2015

Shurthi...I haven't read your older posts...my comments just based on your post

1. I am assuming xxx is sex. It is not a bad word..just say it
Maybe your husband is finally getting comfortable with you and is opening up about his desires. I suggest don't shut him down. If he wants to talk dirty..let him...see if that excites you. Sometimes we try the weirdest things and then I realize omg...it feels so good. Try to be open. As long as watching **** doesn't become a habit or replace you..there is nothing wrong with that and I don't think he needs your permission to do so. Again try to be open and most importantly don't shut him down...that will lead to him not communicating and unsatisfied sex life.

2. What kind of jokes does he make about your or his parents? I am not sure if his jokes are offensive or you both have a different sense of humor.

I don't know why your mom is showing off stuff. But I believe people who buy MK, LV purses are doing so just to show off to others. This is just silly stuff..fb posts and showing off stuff...just let it go...

The little things piss you off...because you let them. I sense some kind of insecurity..regarding your mom. Try to talk to her to resolve it.

poovai · Jun 8, 2015

OP,

I am well aware of your previous threads. Just want to share my personal experience. I never let go of my parents for very long time. When my son said something that clicked...."mom never feels this as her home and she still thinks her home is in India". That was the exact impression I had in mind. It took me awhile to change my mind set. Nothing wrong having the affection with your parents and siblings, but you should let it go now (good or bad).

Your family is your DH and the baby, they should be your primary focus . Others are outsiders. You have a reasonably good life here and try to enjoy. In my view, your DH has some insecurity and pride (typical Indian son-in-law), I agree that he seems to spill the words. Your mom behavior was NOT acceptable either. Don't react when your DH criticizes your family. Tell him when he is in listening mood, it start to affect your health and mood.

Be happy and enjoy what you have. Life is not perfect and learn to accept what you have, now!