I never invite my inlaws to stay with me...

IF the grandparents are avoided for no reason other than that they are the in-laws, THEN, I agree with you. But what if the grandparents are abusive towards their DIL? Should the DIL still tolerate abusive in-laws just because they are her husband's parents? Is it OK for the children see how their grandmother is treating their mother and also learn to disrespect her (MOTHER)? What sort of example is the mother setting for her kids by quietly tolerating the abuse? I'm sorry, but I don't get the warm-and-fuzzies about having grandparents in the house, simply for the sake of having grandparents in the house, if these are abusive, toxic people. In fact, in the long run, living with such people will actually be sending the message to the grandchildren that it's OK to treat other people shamefully all the time and that it's OK to accept verbal or emotional abuse!

And, no, children don't just decide to cut off all ties with THEIR parents SIMPLY because their parents did not have a strong tie with one set of their grandparents. When the time is right and the children are older, the parents can and SHOULD explain WHY one set of grandparents was never a part of their lives. The threat that your kids will have nothing to do with you simply because you wouldn't tolerate an abusive in-law is just empty and hollow.

 

Ennaye,

These posts are not on view so that you can consider it wiser to keep away To potentially avoid anyone contradicting your views.. ( none of our views are so sacrosanct & sacred that they shdnt be questioned & you're no exception), the conclusion you seem to hold in your head is that somehow because you indicate in your posts that you believe in the innate goodness of all the MILS & somehow, we 'later gen ' women are out to hurt them... Get over that...
We're merely applying the same unwritten rules that the older MILS spout at us, (in my house, you do as I wish, you're free to do whatever in yours..), well why does it cause so many hassles when the same rule is applied to them??