I miss them!

Lucky you to have such adorable in-laws... touchwood...

 

Would be very curious to know how did it change so much.....may be not in this feel-good thread, may be in some other.
My MIL never gave me chance to shed even a single tear for her because the first, second and third brush with her itself was an indication of a very downhill relationship any DIL could have with her.......

 

Good! Thank you OP for bringing up this point about their educational and professional qualification. It strikes a chord - I expect ladies of my generation to be much better and non-interfering MILs than the previous generation because even we are educated and working like your MIL. Usually, a working woman has spent comparatively little time with her husband (because after returning from work such women invariably spend more time with the children), that after retiring or after becoming MIL (which usually happens around the same time) she wants to devote that time primarily to her husband and marital life instead of poking her unwanted nose into her son's marital issues. Same holds true for the FIL who has had a working wife all his life and thus has missed her company! Apart from this, being educated certainly broadens your world-view and mindset as you get the opportunity to meet diverse set of people.

A non-working woman has spent all her time with her husband and kids, so has some free time for doing all the melodramas with her DIL because she has not 'missed' that family time with her husband!

I am not talking about involuntarily-non-working women(women who were qualified to work but for some family reason gave up work after children etc). I can't guess how they would behave with their DILs. May be in between, on an average ?

Personally for me, the place of parents is so high in my life, that I shall never look upto anyone as second Mom or second father ....when I can't give that place to my Mousis/Buas and Chachas/Mamas, I can't give it to anyone! But if others can, i assume they have a larger heart!

 

Education has nothing to do with having a good heart.
There are morons who are supposedly educated, and there are great hearts who have only studied 5th grade

 

I don't agree with this assertion. Education is supposed to make you a more broad-minded person. If despite education, one is mean and narrow minded, then that reflects on that person, his environment etc - he has either learnt nothing or too dogmatic to learn.

There is something called 'volition' as well. There are people who are educated and still do wrong because it is their choice, it is not because they don't know they are wrong. In fact, they do a full cost-benefit analysis of their actions and then

During our GPs generation, those MILs who were not kind to their DILs was because they were not educated and never analyzed, possibly lacking the capability to analyze deeply, the consequences of each action, the psychology of humans(DILs) and were not encouraged to think rationally. For them, the elders' word or their husband's/ PILs' word was God's word. Education teaches you that this is untrue and many many many more such things - like even your own can exploit you, if you suffer you shouldn't make others suffer, all humans are equal, the evolution of relationships and culture which is so dynamic.

Sometimes education gives you those insights and perspectives in a shorter time which experience gives you in many many years.
It's another thing that sometimes people don't even learn from experience dismissing it as freak occurrence.
A few are born gifted and they don't even need any formal education. But the remaining mortals need it.

Very true. But education teaches you the consequences of having a bad heart.

But to each his own!

Laks, you are one lucky girl!

 

the essence of education has totally taken a different tangent. a conscious effort to work on better relationship is what both parties need to work on. minimum interference and advice and help only when asked is the motto to work on. that is what i tell myself.

i remember tulipzz who has a iitian gold medalist(???) for an mil.. did not guarantee a great relationship.

WE have a maternal gmil who is pushing 90. she was so accomodative of her dil in her early marriage days, later the kids were born,she took care of them when the dil was working,then the kids got married, she helped with the grandchildren, and with changes and the needs of the generation she changed. she would not restrict anybody from doing anything. she would only say, you have it, i am fine with what i am used to. dil suffered from a illness for few years, and i remember gmil crying and praying to god. the dil passed away. the son and gmil stayed with the gson and gdil. the dil could not manage cooking and they used to get food catered. she adjusted. today the son and dil are no more. she adjusts to the gdil. and helps her manage the house and teaches her to manage relationship between her sil's.she is not educated. she cannot even read her own name..