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I Miss Having Girl Groups..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Mar 20, 2024.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I saw pictures of acquaintances who had a girl’s trip and they looked lovely and happy pictures.I wish I had a a group of 3 or 4 girls going for a vacation once in a year..

    few things which could restrict me having a girl group..

    1) proximity
    2) I honestly need some space which is contradictory I know..in sense healthy boundaries
    3) Mostly happy on my own and the effort to take the lead and form a gang seems so tiring.

    well despite that one or two times I tried..
    It did not end well..either it was too much girl drama or being excluded..I didn’t find the right group..

    I have a pattern of being bullied from school,college and many times due to my soft nature and that trauma is also restricting me.

    I have few decent acquaintances but they moved out of country back to India.

    Some women who are arrogant and so rude somehow end up having a huge groups and so many outings and it makes me feel worthless at times like maybe nobody likes me.

    I try to change myself and being self aware of what I could be doing wrong.I also asked couple of good friends who are back in India and they said am very polite and nice and they like me which felt good..

    My only requirement is just easy,relaxed friendships.

    We may have insecurities but it shouldn’t be to the level of affecting someone.

    Last friendship I tried with two ladies who completely excluded me and I felt so alone..

    It’s not even the need of girl group but the feeling that no one would like to be a friend hurts me a lot as though am a horrible
    Person.I try to be nice to people but I am only a magnet for toxicity…wish I could change that part about me.

    I hardly cross my boundaries with people,try to encourage them or appreciate if something is nice about them and am
    Polite but somehow either am
    Taken for granted or ignored..I don’t know why am not liked
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I used to envy seeing families or female friends going on vacations together, feeling like I was missing out. This bothered me, so, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Instead of trying to inject new energy into existing friendships, I sought new ones through platforms like Meetup, Facebook, and Bumble BFF.

    From these new groups, I realized many women are like me. We have local friends we've known for years, but they're not interested in vacations, day trips, or even a movie.

    Friendships don't have to be organic. These "new" friends are for local companionship and activities. They cannot and will not replace my childhood, college and first-job friends.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2024
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I have found that being a bit casual, a bit less determined, and having an approach of "great if it happens, fine if it doesn't" helps. I stopped expecting each activity or meet-up to yield new friends. 2 or 3 new ones in a year seemed like a lottery.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2024
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hmm true Rihana..

    honestly I have zero expectations from them but some..how do i say..ethical boundaries

    so tough when u r friendly but and up either being taken advantage of or used and excluded..not saying everyone is like that..but an unable to have a group despite being adjusting and polite..

    Guess it’s just luck..

    some have luck with family
    Some with friends

    guess so..
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh my suggestion about keeping things casual and an approach of "great if it happens, fine if it doesn't" was for the new people and potential friends we meet through apps like Meetup, Bumble BFF and FB groups. Give them a try if you are really keen to make new friends.

    It's not luck. It's something in our personalities, I think. No point analyzing that too much. That is why I prefer nurturing new friendships rather than brooding on why the older ones didn't pan out as expected. Life's too short.
     
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  6. Divyasaravanan

    Divyasaravanan Silver IL'ite

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    I am sorry to say, but this is a feeling I always get whenever I read your posts. I feel like, sometimes you contradict yourself.
    In some posts, you say you are content with yourself, not looking for new friends or drama anymore, but in this post, it sounds like you yearn for a girls gang. I remember in one post you said you dont really care about visiting exotic places anymore, but in another you sounded very exited about some trip.
    I dont know anything about you, but I get a feeling that you are trying to be complacent in life, but inside you might be yearning for a few simple things.
    There is always another side of perspective for everything, instead of thinking why am I not having friends, just think that you are in a much happier space sans any drama. You yourself say you are a sensitive person, so its better for you to mingle with only select set of people who matches your bandwidth right? So its actually a good thing you are not in any girls group. Girls group always (or most of the times) comes with unnecessary drama, gossips!
     
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  7. abcd5

    abcd5 Silver IL'ite

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    I used to envy seeing pictures of girls' trips, but the drama involved seems excessive compared to men's outings. Traveling does offer a different perspective on life, but nowadays, due to social media and marketing, it feels overrated. A few years ago, I closed my Facebook account and opened a new one where I didn't add any people I know. It's solely for dog-related groups, hobby groups, and some neighborhood groups. I never share any of my photos or my family. I don't have Instagram or Twitter, and my life has completely changed. Instead of going on a girls' trip, I happily take my dog for a walk.
     
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  8. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    I go for walks in the evening and always see ladies walking n talking in groups. So much meaningful talks, laughter, sharing stories amongst themselves. I too wish to be like that walking with a friend and sharing little stories here n there. 2 ladies from my society asked me whether they could join me while walking. Though my mind yearns for such walk n talk, I refused them as I wont achieve the benefits of walking if i walk slowly and they wont walk fast.

    Regarding ladies groups for trips, i know few ladies from my kids school group who are as eager like me to go on trips. I am the one who can connect them all, but its a big responsibility and I dont have that leadership quality to plan and execute. Also , its not worth the headache/drama that will follow afterwards. Hats off to the ladies who do such planning and execution.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2024
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    I wonder why none of male members here about their missing group.
    I hv heard group of married men quietly go to a for of retreat wind up there for the week end! Enjoy booze nice food and spend time in gay abandon and return home effete late sunday night with hangover on the following working day!
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    It’s always fun when you have the right girl or men gang i feel:)

    Some click very well or they r very thick skinned..

    I prefer to have a girl group with whom it’s easy to be comfortable between each other ..good vibes:)
     
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