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i have a problem

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Mahajanpragati, Aug 30, 2007.

  1. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    dear friends,
    pls help me solve this martial problem'
    i am married to a professional for last 4 yrs.thou he is very good human but i feel not so good husband&father.
    in beginning of our marriage he had his own practise.we could barely meet our expenses but as we were newly married we took this as godsend as less w ork so more time to spend with each other.he went for some joint venture with another professionl but it did not work out as he says other person had some ego issues.
    then in 2nd yr of our marriage i went for job &next mth he too went for job.all was rosy moreso as i found myself pregnant.due to med reasons i left job after my 4th mth&so did he because he could not get along with his boss.all mine & his parents begging to reconsider his decsion fell on deaf ears.still i was enjoying my pregancy so i did not make much issue out of it.he again tried to establish his practise.he went for a course to add to his skills & spent our all savings for it.in end this course too did not help .
    then after the birth of my son (c section with financial help from my parents)i got really worried about our future.as we did not had any family support so i too could not leave my son for job.i started having sleepless nights & did my best to minimise expenses like firing the maid,getting immunisation for child from govt hospital.
    his practise failed & he joined another firm to help meet our expenses.again he left after 2mth even without collecting his pay with same excuse of the other person having ego probs.i was very stressed but could not do anything.
    then finally when our son was six mths old he went for job.we had spent the last mths taking loan from ever available sources.he worked with same company which he had left when i was preg.now he had no issue with the boss.here he worked for nearly 14 mths.slowly we repaid our previous loans. as things looked stable we started acquring asserts which meant loan again.
    then he changed his job going for the one which required 2 hrs travelling.i tried to dissuade him as i knew he hates travelling even thou the pay was double still as usual he went for it.he hated every day of it& resigned after 6 mths without even getting a new one. we fought nearly daily but thankfully while within notice period he got this present oversees assignment which again i tried to dissuade him to accept as it is in one of those african countries where nobody recommends u go. he joined it & i came here after 2 mths.now six mths into job he has again preponded his contract for 1 yr thou the contract was originally for 2 yrs.here we have all comforts plus excellent pay.now when i ask him to reconsider his decision & complete his 2 yrs contract so that after paying for all the loans we took in india we are left with some money for our future.he accuses me of being money minded & even says that its his life so he takes whatever decision he likes.i am really very stressed thinking what future holds for me & my son.i feel he is very unstable . he does not think twice about us before taking such imp decisions.life is so long will this pattern continue or do i have to change my mindset.by the way he is aquariuos .
    now u know the history.so what do u suggest what should do.
     
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  2. umasridharan

    umasridharan Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Mahajanpragati
    Looks like u got married to a rolling stone. Y dont u have open talk with him along with yr parents and inlaws. Find out y he is resigning the jobs.
    U can ask help from a psycho analyst, he/she will help u to find what is wrong with yr hubby and why he is a rolling stone.

    Better u look for a job and take it. Atleast yr son's future will be safe. for u, u will be financially independent.
    Regards
    Uma





     
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  3. mithili

    mithili New IL'ite

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    better u look fro a job around in ur place and get urself fixed in tht company so tht next time when he thinks of leaving the job he will reconsider tht leaving his job might make leave urs tooo..u will ahve a strong reason to say tht the company hjas hired u and cannot release u fo rsumtime until the contract gets over. there is fair chances of stabilising himself as well...
     
  4. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Uma,
    Welcome back to IL after a long time. Nice to see you here.

    Hi Pragathi,
     
  5. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Pragathi,

    Mythili is right. Looks like your husband is having some sort of problem psychologically. Is he the only child of his parents? If no is he having good relationships with his parents and siblings? Check that out first. Most single child have this problem of not able to adjust with their collegues and co-workers. Check that out.

    Also help him come out of this. You should not fight but sit and talk with him about the situation you are facing. Let him realize things. Plan some investments for your kid and make him the active participant. All this will help you to bring him to the right track.

    Again I am telling you dont fight but instead sit and talk with him. Make him understand and realize his responsibilities.
     
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  6. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    dear friends,
    thanks for ur kind replies.maybe sharing was the key.i feel light & now am trying to see my prob from different angle.
    also dear Uma,thou i would love to be ur friend but i think u r mistaking me for someother person with same name as i became member of this forum just last week.
    love to all
     
  7. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    hi,just a suggestion,if this hurts u sorry for this.
    finish the 1 yr contract in that country then ,b4 that tell ur hubby abt the financial issue u r facing,that u r going to work.
    u get a job in india & stay with ur parents for sometime,so that ur mom will take care ur kid & u can work happily,if u think ur hubby character will change bad then leave it.
    all the best dear.
     

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