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I Feel Things Are Getting Too Much

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by preeti6years, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Not sure if I am feeling depressed because of being held up with inlaws through out the day because of covid.
    But unlike before I am unable to ignore few things which are happening. So here goes the situation

    As usual pathetic inlaws and now I am with them round the clock. I am balancing both official, home work. Too much of
    house hold work is creating health issues too. Cant say much on this to DH because he is equalyy working hard. Her highness
    just cooks one meal carelessly and makes hell lot of utensils. Rest of the work is all mine and DH. I am somehow trying to
    keep up the show thinking that if refrain from doing things everything falls on DH head.

    On the other hand inspite of seeing us struggling so much, ILs doesnt seem to get a feeling of empathy on us especially me.
    The hatred and deliberate attempt of insults continues. Now here comes the actual story. None of the things happening at home
    is informed to me. For that matter even DH. First it was BILs arrival from abroad. I got to know from my cosis.
    When confronted to DH he says that he was just told that he had plans of coming and was not aware of his travel plans.
    Whenever I ask DH anything he says he doesnt know. But at the backend he is supporting his family. But to me he says,
    all these are not important to him and he is not interested to find out what is happening.

    Second a function is planned for BILs kid at his ILs place. DH is also informed about this and even ILs. DH has made it
    clear that they cannot attent due to the covid situation and he feels its risky to make my dd (2yrs) and FIL (78yrs) there.
    Again this update is also given to me by my cosis. Both DH and ILs have not told me about the function.
    This is not the only time they are doing. Everything good and bad is kept away from me.
    BIL son naming ceremony planned, dates not informed. Bils visit to india not informed. Absolutely no information to me.
    ILs i dont care, but DH also doesnt tell anything to me.

    Now MIL is trying to settle her property issues. Seriously I am not interested in the property. I am just seeing how things
    will be dealt. If I ask anything about this. DH says he is least bothered. But recently I got to know that he has called
    his relatives and discussed the pro and cons of it.

    I discussed this issue with him so many times. But he is doing this again and again.
    I am extremely hurt as I am not informed even about auspicious functions.
    This thought of DH not keeping me informed is really making me depressed. On the other hand cosis has every bit of information because
    BIL keeps everything transparent with her.

    Because of all these thoughts I am very much angry with DH and not talking to him. He doesnt seem to be bothered too.
     
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  2. drdiva

    drdiva New IL'ite

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    Hi dear..
    I understand what u must b going through...anyone will feel bad in this situation but what if it is being deliberately done to make u feel bad..so in that case u should not bother and show that these things are not bothering u..this happens when husband listens and cares more for in laws.. and u can also start keeping things secret from him regarding kids and ur parents side functions so that he knows how it feels..I find these things really funny..these r inlaws tacticsto make u feel isolated..this has happened to me on some occasions but not regularly. These r temporary tactics..don't fight with ur husband on such issues..keep ur relation strong and ignore as if nothing happened
     
  3. Isha85

    Isha85 New IL'ite

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    As much as you worry that being informed they repeat the same including your husband, please ignore and don't talk about your family functions. Sometimes when you show you're not happy keeping you out of loop you husband or in laws can behave more weird since it affects you and they use to mend their way and also they think it's okay to treat you that way. Just sayasay hewhe bye andyand formal talks with in laws side until they treat you as one among family.
    About your co sis please be careful no matter what she shares don't indulge in gosipping about your in laws or husband for sure it will back bite just a matter of time. Since she shares few updates keep good rapo but don't gossip.
     
  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP, I feel bad for you... and everything has been increased by COVID situation.
    DH not telling you everything or most of things - Trust me, so many men are like that including my DH. My kids ceremony he is planning all alone with his mother and brother and I go there and find out. MIL is like principal giving instructions on where to spend money to.

    House chores increased - do you have maids? There are places which have maids still working. May be ask MIL to help in chopping etc. Are you washing for her? Is she cooking just her meal or everyone that one time.

    Are you completely locked or going out a bit or some entertainement?

    i understand situation is hard ... completely agree but find your peace in that, people are in worst situation and suffer more. Since you are in your OWN home, you can do things to relax, you won't have restrictions of many sorts.
    Remember its not her house so its not her worry to think about meals etc and also it is very hard to work in other persons kitchen.
    Many things - you just have to ignore taking it as hard times, you are giving shelter to some.
     
  5. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Op

    why don’t you ask directly to your in laws dh kids for help in chores? Keep explaining how it’s overwhelming to handle alone and u get exhausted and cranky. Tell them u will break down with all this never ending work. Don’t fight try to explain calmly.
     
  6. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Diva,
    I am bothered about inlaws not telling me. I cannot even ask them why they dont tell. Their answer would be simple " We thought your husband might have told you". Its my husbands fault. For that matter if I try to ignore thinking that may be he doesnt want to discuss family controversies, he doesnt share many other things too. Trust me now a days its only about dd care, covid updates is what we talk about.
     
  7. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Isha,
    I am not in talking terms with inlaws. I had little bit of respect for my FIL thinking that he is a dignified person. But when it comes to me he behaves the way his wife wants even though they are deadly enemies to each other.
    Its my husbands nature that is bothering me. As i quoted in my earlier post there are many things apart from family matters which he doesnt share.
    And regarding cosis, yes the conversation is very minimum and friendly
     
  8. drdiva

    drdiva New IL'ite

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    U don't have to ask why they don't tell.. we know the answer..they want to make u feel isolated and about ur husband slowly he will change..whatever he does now he has to live with u for his entire life and if u keep ur relation strong and ignore what is happening now eventually he will start sharing with u..ur inlaws are not going to b alive for ever..but if u feel bad regarding these issues and argue or let it affect u ur husband might b drawn away from u even more
     
  9. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    Well the more I try to let go things with my DH, the more he is taking me for granted. I am just hating this thought.
    Coming to household she cooks one meal for the family carelessly as if her contribution. I make breakfast, dinner and do the dishes. Apart from these other chores, taking care of my 2 year old and then office work.
    There is no room for entertainment except TV as there are positive cases more in number nearby.
    I feel locked out.
     
  10. preeti6years

    preeti6years Senior IL'ite

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    The more I ignore the more I am taken for granted.
    We are married for 9 years and its the same even today.
    How much ever I try to build the bond and be nice to him, he is always like this. Gives me only that peace of information which he feels in necessary for me to do further things.
     

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