I Feel I Should Have Achieved More In School, Work, In Life, Anyone Feels Like Me?

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Keet, Apr 14, 2022.

  1. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    Wondering this from very longgggggg time. I should have studied well and achieved more. I am not brilliant but atleast at 45 now I am very hard working. I could have worked hard in school and got top ranks, I am capable but never had the vision where a top rank can get me in life. In early 90's from a small town in South India, non internet and very few land phones era, not much awareness some how I missed to aim for top ranks. Now surrounded by many high achievers Cardiologist, Oncologist etc, looking at the singers, actors, any one who have achieved something really high on their own respect, self inspecting myself why and how I missed it. I have a doctorate degree in science, not many jobs in this country unless you are on very top of this field. Then realized the importance of education and hard work, learnt new technologies in IT, earning in 6 figures, have 3 properties worth 15C (still half of the mortgage remaining). But strongly feel I should have aimed to achieve high in School. Not able to realize why? Anyone like me? were you able to introspect why? Was it a passion that lacked in school? or is it just not having the vision where a good education and hard work can get you in life?

    Any one consider yourself high achiever here? in top 20% in your field? what motivated you?
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2022
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    What do you mean by high achiever?
    It is a very subjective matter to discuss.

    I am one of those 10 (or less than that) individuals who attained professional positions with United Nations representing Sri Lanka.
    I have travelled to many countries across 4 continents (except South America) and worked in very difficult environments, such as war zones, post war crisis zones, refugee camps such as Darfur, Afghanistan, Myanmar & Sri Lanka... and in most cozy offices like NY, Geneva, Amman, Bangkok etc...
    I have earned a lot of money. Invested all of them wisely. More than that, doing charities to help many underprivilege people. If that amounts to an achievement, I would be happy call myself an achiever.

    I don't think, your school rank alone takes you to heights.
    I am not a top ranker. Neither in School, nor in my University. Always maintained between average & above average.
    But I am doing much better in my career & life than those top rankers.
    Sadly, many top rankers are leading an average life only.

    Here is the twist. If you check these top achievers' history, you would understand how many of them were top rankers since school times.
    Particularly, those who achieved in non-academic careers, it is evident that your life starts many years after your School.

    Having said that, what makes you an achiever is mainly your hard work, determination and some smart decisions too.
    God can bless with good luck & opportunities that can speed up your growth.

    But what is more important is, how you you use your education & experience smartly at your profession and achieve success in it.

    By the way, I personally consider myself an high achiever as a mom.
    Delivering two kids, and taking care of them from A-Z until they grow big and then making them an achiever in the lives they chose require a lot of patience, struggle, dedication and tons of love.
     
  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Success in life has little to do with marks in college.
    Rank holders lead an average life whereas above average guys got good jobs and rose in career. Exceptions are there everywhere.

    Happiness and mental peace also matters once we reach 50's
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is helpful and almost fun to analyze what triggers such thoughts. For me it is perusing LinkedIn. : ) On Sunday evenings with no other must-do's. : )

    On more honest days, I assign it to lacking passion, drive, motivation. Not just in school, but overall. Any thing that I wish I had achieved, I can look back and note that I wanted it with a general longing, not an unrequitable, infallible passion. An example is higher education. I had tons of opportunities to go for it, but found excuses not to. Conversely, I can identify two must-have's that meant more to me than anything in the world. Sure enough, I set aside all, focused on it, no expense or resource of any kind spared, and achieved that. It was like turning the direction of flow of a river or a train, that almost no one believed was doable, but I wanted it, put my heart, body, soul, mind, sweat, tears, years and blood into it, and it happened.

    We can compare ourselves with ourselves from a year/decade ago or compare ourselves with the best around us. We can compare ourselves with those who had similar challenges and advantages, or we can compare ourselves with those who had an easier more padded launch. How we compare is a frame of mind, a way of thinking. With time, we achieve a nice balance of lauding ourselves for our achievements and regretting what more we could have done. On Sundays when the balance is good, dinner gets cooked and house gets vacuumed. On other Sundays, take-out ki jai ho. : )
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    For me from being a bullied teen all through school/ college by students,teachers and relatives and even my own dad who always considered me a failure..,from being scared to walk in broad daylight coz I didn’t want people to notice me, from being scared to even go to a restroom alone when I first landed abroad..I think I have come a long way.


    I handled many things alone..from being an extremely scared high anxiety person,I always faced my fears and today some of my acquaintances tell me that I look happy and positive all the time is a very high achievement for me.

    Success and achievements differs from person to person.I don’t even care about what society claims as success anymore.

    I personally have been in awe of physically fit people and contortionists and people who do advanced yoga.Took it as a challenge and now I do a lot of advanced poses and that’s a big achievement in my eyes.

    I guess everyone is an achiever in their own.

    For me..I have a wonderful family,few friends who are genuine,a nice home and good health.A strong heart which can always rise up everytime after I fall.That’s what I feel is achievement.


    For everyone they have their own definitions.We have to feel gratitude and stop the “If’s” and “But’s”..


    Tomorrow another person might say “oh wish I was a sunder pichai or Anil Ambani”..

    people forget that those age how vera might be lacking in many other departments which you might excel.

    Even if you got what you wanted…the heart will still yearn for me.

    It’s time for feel lot of gratitude and pride and just focus and work hard on what we want.Of we get it..great! Else also no problem.

    It’s the journey which always matters and never the destination
     
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all, this is the age where you start thinking on these lines, I presume. Secondly, at 45, you are at place where you have a doctorate degree, switched fields, found gainful employment, make a good living, have some assets and presumably living in one of those houses? Which metric of success have you not met yet? I'm puzzled because at 45 you have a good 10 more years of employment at least left. You seem to be doing really well.
    There are likely people out there who are going "Look at Keet. She is so smart and so versatile and adaptable. I wish I had what she has going to be this way."
    Yes, you are extremely capable! If not, you couldn't have achieved all that you have.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    There will always be someone doing better than you. Academic success doesn’t always co-relate with results in the real world.
    I had all these feelings of angst when I turned 45. Then I turned around and looked at all those who were leaps and bounds ahead of me. I realized that I simply did not want to put in those kinds of hours and sacrifices to get to that point. Once that lightbulb went off I saw how I had structured my life in ways that worked with my capabilities. It is important for me to have time for my hobbies and a couple of causes fear to my heart. The feelings of restlessness have largely subsided.
    Like Rihana mentioned an idle hour of browsing LinkedIn can lead to some rumblings every now and then, but looking at the big picture makes things more tolerable.
     
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  8. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    There was a phase where I had wanted to achieve more. Then I resigned. Then I realized I did not have the option to resign. At least you are comfortable and confident OP. I feel lost. Day after day, I find myself alone, pushed to a corner. I don't have the luxury of cribbing anymore. At the same time I find my resolve and energy are both coming down. I haven't reached the age you have mentioned yet, I am a couple of years away. The more I talk about it, the more contempt I get from people. Even from people very close to me. I think you are better off. Success is not necessarily about reaching the summit. But about being able to keep the momentum and keeping others comfortable as we go along.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2022
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks @Keet
    That is a very interesting introspection. But this far date such introspection - is it worthwhile - just a query?

    it is natural for non achiever’s to introspect about their poor career status and station in life. But then bygone is bygone.

    Capability requirements outside academic campus is totally different. It includes behavioural study and application. Knowing the nitty-gritty of hobnobbing, diplomacy, shrewdness, local politicking etc decides one’s advancement in career.

    Mere academic brilliance doesn’t fetch huge laurels and rewards and affluence. Many of last benchers in my college school including me reached close to top of pyramid and 5hat has nothing to do with academic achievements.

    Many CEOs were last benchers but they had knack of learning from observation and mistakes of others. They turned smart and reached pinnacle of success by their tough behaviour.

    Once outside the Academic campus, education only helps to get a berth or placement and it has nothing to do with one’s academic scores.

    Many illiterates made it so good and reached pinnacle of success by their sheer hard work and smarting under painstaking physical work.

    This reminds me response of a boy to his dad of forty two when dad cited the example of achievements of boys of his age. The boy acrimoniously retorted,
    “At your age, Rajiv Gandhi became Prime Minister Of India whereas you are just a Government clerk”.
    • Comparison with other achievers helps to certain extent in motivating. Otherwise it stands bad & detrimental to mental health.

    Agog to know and be inquisitive to regularly learn more in the line of one’s business always helps. True - one has got to be abreast with latest especially sectors where obsolescence is high.
    • Continuous learning upgrading skill and being percipient helps in career progression.
    I have an non-IT NON ENGINEERING example in the link:

    Lion Gone Wild In Dates Empire

    The reasons could be many for not performing in school. Many averages and last benchers turned shining example. My class mate Seshmani - secured lowest marks and ranked last IN OUR CLASS in the SSLC in 1959 but his congress PARTY dad pulled strings that he became engineer and settled in USA (SINCE 1964).

    If parents and friends circle or associates - all not educated well or and poor, their children bound to go astray a bit. Sometimes as youngster stubborn, bone lazy full of sloth - nothing can be done about them by their parents!

    BUT then we have great examples among our politicians - Kamaraj the king maker- an illiterate - risen to such influential level that he chose next Prime Minister of India - Indira Gandhi.

    Many illiterate thieves of abnormal IQ could not be traced by Scotland Yard.

    NEGATIVE motivation too certain times work.
    • A class mate in casual chat remarked that four of our classmates are sure failures and they would never become graduates. He included himself & me in that four. But later not only we two emerged with distinction but career wise also we did good indeed. He became post graduate and in a decade turned head of the faculty of physics in the Government college. I joined engineering and ...
    • Had great going with long innings in several departments. My reasonable success in career nothing to do with my specialisation. I designed Topaz I.C. engine & car Transmission but at the top of career was overseeing import and export of wide varieties of equipment & materials from wold over. At every promotion I had to work from a clean slate!
    Life and career was replete with humour as revealed in the link:

    Disintegration On National Integration Desideratum

    Regards.
    God Bless.
     
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  10. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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