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I don't know what to do.... :(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sattelite, Apr 16, 2010.

  1. sattelite

    sattelite New IL'ite

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    Hey all,
    I have been reading this forum for quite sometime.. so today finally decided to post my own problem and look at it from others perspective.. please read and tell me your frank opinion\advice objectively.. any questions you have.. i'll be more than happy to answer those..

    Little bkgrnd: we are inter-religious/inter-state couple.. with two little kids (1B- 5yrs, 1G-2.5yrs).. we live in UK currently (were in US sometime back).. very happy family of four.. touchwood!! husband is a non-practicing catholic and I am a Hindu.. we both are highly God fearing and neither of us claim that one's religion is better than others. We do lot of charity, but both of us are strictly against donating to any religious institute..
    The way we have decided to bring up our kids is - to bring them up as good human beings with very strong values and have a feeling of 'There is God' not 'This is only one God'... I have a small mandir in my home (per my husband's permission..) me n kids do pooja once in a while and go to mandir... this all is there for my own mental peace .. since kids are mostly with me so they also come along.. He is ok with that.. But later in kids life, they want to explore some other religion, we will be ok with that. My husband is one of the most open minded person I have met.. Thank God for him :)

    my family: very supportive/loves my husband irrespective of his religion/ have always been there for us in good\bad times and most importantly never ask\tell me about my religious preferences for myself or kids.. infact they always say that we (DH&I) are the best people to know whats best for kids n us.. so do that.. overall.. absolutely loving n non-interfering.

    his family: orthodox catholics.. he has 1 bro n 2 bros-in-law .. and all of them are pastors/priests :) [I must mention that- they are pastors because they could not find any other jobs, so chose this route of living.. most of their life is spent in attending conferences .. we think, if they really want to do service to God why not go and do some real work.. like helping others etc..].. 1: nice people, but everytime we talk to them they bring up their religion and start preaching us.. which neither of us like. and have told them.. 2: have never supported us in hard times.. only contact us when they need money from us.. 3: treat me like a total outsider even after so many years of marriage, i m ok with that.. :) 4: badmouthing about us possibly to every relative in this world .. I am cool with that too.. who cares what others think about me as long as my husband loves me.. i dint marry to please this whole word..

    current situation: We are not in talking terms with them at all... !! No calls, no mails.. nothing.. but do get\see updates from others or from orkut\ facebook .. MIL swore that she'll never talk to us until we all convert.. which is a strict no for DH & I .. we tried to pacify her couple of times, but then gave up and moved on .. so, yes basically no communication for past one year atleast.. and rest of his family is following mom's decision.. his dad passed away long time back.

    My Question: I am ok with the current set up.. frankly, i like it this way.. we have lot of like-minded friends and really enjoy life with them..But life is just not about me.. I am not sure whether the current set up is right for my kids or not :( .. they love their mom side of family.. and i want them to at least know their dad side of family too.. But I do not know how to go ahead in this chaos.. am all confused..

    Last thing I want to hear from those people is - oh she came to us.. our God worked in their life .. her God is ......... and all that etc.... (No offense to anyone in the forum) believe me, they are pretty good at offending me at every opportunity they get .. which DH also senses and strongly disapproves... I think, most of the problems can be resolved if people have open communication.. but in this case, noone really wants to talk to us.. if we try they backfire with the same thing.. ask your wife/kids to get baptized first.. I am not going to do that..

    DH doesn't really care.. when i bring up this topic, he feels bad about this situation.. but doesn't spent too much time worrying about this.. he has focused all his energies towards working hard and giving good life to his kids who are his real responsibility.. and advises me also to do the same..

    but, me .. still think about it once in a while n worry :(


    dear friends, your thoughts are welcome..

    thank you,
    Garima
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2010
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  2. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Mean people will always be mean. Your DH is right, just leave them. You are bringing trouble into a peaceful home I feel. You will surely regret it.

    Just accept the fact that some people are horrible and they have to be kept at a distance. If your kids think that they want a relationship with their paternal family, then they can call and talk to their grandparents, uncles and aunts when they are old enough

    Right now, just enjoy your life with your DH and Kids.

    JMO
     
  3. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Life has so many other worries..why go and find one?

    Just let it go and lead a happy life.You cannot force relationships on someone.They have to embrace wholeheartedly. Your kids are better off like this.

    FL
     
  4. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    I will give you a piece of advise.

    It's from a wise man.

    Thank You.
     
  5. shrutidunwoody

    shrutidunwoody Bronze IL'ite

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    I think just have a happy life with dh and kids. Dont just worry about unneccessary things. I dont understand when your dh is so cool why are you inviting trouble and bringing tension in your life without any reason. When your inlaws dont bother , then why you have to.
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Garima,
    Your DH has said it all. :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2010
  7. devirama

    devirama New IL'ite

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    Dear satellite,

    I totally agree to all the posters and especially with your DH. focus on your life.

    me and Dh are also on bare minimum contact with mil. last year when my little one was born , we were at hospital and my hubby informed them of grandsons birth by sms as he didn't have international dialing on his cell.

    they took offence to it and blasted him and me , that we have no respect for them etc and it has been going on since the day i have married DH.

    but it became crystal clear to my DH last year when mil came to see us, she didn't even picked up our LO.. can u imagine..my hubby was quiet disheartned by her behaviour ... and well now we talking to her barely.....

    there is too much to my story as you know with every DIL but the bottomline is since hubby is on ur side , don't go looking for problems..enjoy yourself and your lovely family.

    Just my two cents.

    Rama.
     
  8. sattelite

    sattelite New IL'ite

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    Hey All,
    Thank you for responding to my post.

    You all are right, I should probably stop worrying about this and focus on good things I have in my life.

    Its just that I grew up in a close knit huge joint family.. with about 50 first cousins from both sides :) .. so, sometimes wonder, because of me, my kids should not be deprived of the fun I had as a kid..

    But, I guess, that's the path we chose.. so kahin tau compromise hoga hi ..

    But writing to this forum really helped me.. sometimes putting thoughts on paper really helps and then hearing others opinions clears up things better than just keeping it in mind.. as DH said and you all agreed with him.. enjoy the moment, and let other things unfold with time ..

    Thank you so much,
    love you all,
    Garima!
     

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