I Discovered A Lot Of Joy In My Public Library

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by gamma50g, May 22, 2024.

  1. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    It gives me a safe space to spend my time reading up and prepping. I am considering taking an entrance exam and doing my Masters degree and going to work. It's only been a few days but the tremendous amount of mental peace I get by spending time at the library is so worth it. And when I see teens studying studiously, I myself am motivated.

    I spent more than a decade of my life raising my kids and stayed home because kids were young because my husband needed support in his career on the home front but never put myself first. This is the first few days of course but it just feels so great to get away from home, in-laws, judgement and all of it.

    I wake up between 4 and 430 am, cook lunch and dinner for the 7 people and then reach the library by 10 am. Spend time till 230 pm at which point I need to pickup my kids. I also pack my breakfast and lunch.

    Evenings I go on a 45 min walk post dinner after which I shower and sleep.

    I hope all my future days till my in laws leave look like this.

    Sad that my own home is not mine when they are here but this time I am happy to have discovered a place where I am spending my time fruitfully and also intend to do so during the entire summer.

    Wish me luck :relaxed: because I always want to stay happy and positive
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Gamma50g, the public library can be an oasis, a sanctum and a haven. So glad you are using this so productively.

    Wish me luck
    Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. ~ Seneca
    You are already doing good with both preparation and opportunity. Here are a few ideas to sustain this new habit:
    - Don't discuss about it at home. Resist the urge to talk about why you are doing it, what you do at the library, what you accomplish, how nice it makes you feel, sad that you have to do it, have to leave own home for hours each day, the effort and planning it takes to pull this off.
    - Imagine that you have a limit on how many words you can use to talk about it. Save them for the time when you have to say No to a request that needs you to cancel your library time. If the library topic has already been discussed too much, the listener will not be willing to listen.
    - If you do have to attend to a chore or appt, reduce the time you spend at the library, do not totally cancel that day's library time. Even if you get just 30 minutes effectively at the library, go.
    - Even allowing for lunch and cell phone monitoring, you have a solid 2.5-3 hrs in each library visit. This is precious and used effectively can be so productive.
    - If you have to cut down on the library hours to help someone, ask them when and how they can make up. Such as, "In the weekend, can you do this ... so I get an hour to do this."

    I am considering taking an entrance exam and doing my Masters degree and going to work.
    Focus on the first step - the entrance exam. Change "Considering" to "am taking the exam." Be serious about it. Others will be only as serious as you are about it.

    In the beginning, it will take time for people to get used to you not being available at their beck and call, and you not adding every "surprise" task to your plate.

    Key is to not discuss the library thing too much at home. As our favorite poet, Gibran, said:
    Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.
     
    mangaii, Viswamitra, gamma50g and 5 others like this.
  3. gamma50g

    gamma50g Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @Rihana . Great tips thank you :blush:. I made more progress in 2 days than I have in months. I'm not letting go of this momentum. Yes! I am absolutely all in to give this my best shot
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    Well said.
    It is one of the good place to avoid wrangles & dialogues with members of visitors ( in laws) . Glad that you get done twin objectives - one safe distance from in laws and prep for entrance exam.
    For around three school/college summer vacations, my address during 10 am to four pm was university of Madras Library which was walkable distance from my home. I sat in air cooled large hall with tall roofing opposite Bay of Bengal and read many english novels and science magazines.
    I spent those vacations productively which stood good in the long run. It also helped avoid wrangles with street cricketing friends.
    wish you Godspeed in achieving your Dictorate /Master of Science.
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @gamma50g,

    I am so happy to know that you found an excellent way to divert your attention to something productive for self-improvement and self-satisfaction.It is a great way to focus your mind to education and self-improvement. Please make sure that your intention is for self-improvement and not to prove anything to anyone else. Never try to prove a point to anyone at home as it would be wasteful effort.

    In your mind, there is a private library that is built based on your thoughts. Slowly replace the books that are not-conducive for your mental and physical health and instead replace those books with positive thinking about your capabilities, everything you have accomplished as a child and young adult who studied in the school and college, how you have understood the needs of your children and raised them flawlessly with the best of your ability, and so on. Unlike a physical library, it is difficult to replace those unwanted books in your mind. Unlike the physical library, the tainted books affect the structure of the library itself and it takes time to get rid of those books systematically and associated damage the books did to the library.

    This is a huge positive that you helped your entire family to accomplish what they set out to do. This should be a dominant factor in your mind.

    Please don't use your library visit only to escape the environment you are in. Please consider that as a positive development in your life and continue this habit even after they leave. Assume that it is for your own development and not to replace something negative happening in your life.

    Please remember that these are the books in your personal library that you are trying to replace. Have a positive affirmation in your subconscious mind that it is your sweat home and you had a temporary damage to your sweet home which you can easily fix with your positive energy.

    Your determination is good enough for you to achieve your goal and you don't need any support from anyone. We are all here to pray for your well being. All the best.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2024
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    I enjoyed reading your befitting feedback echoing an Himalayan Monk. The very best perfect sound suggestions to docile disciples of all age groups that includes me too.
    Regards.
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I've been thinking of you and your recent threads while composing a thread that will probably not get posted. : ) "Being righteous in a world/ group/ community that's less so." But I digress.

    Your commitment to this new practice and habit is strong, but it heavily relies on discipline and determination. Willpower is not an unlimited resource and it is not a muscle that grows with use and practice. I am taking the liberty to pick a few words from your posts and highlight potential future derailments. Full disclosure: I have done a couple of life coach certifications and one of the trainings is to listen and identify which thoughts to invite the person to go deeper into.

    - Maybe try to avoid or reduce the use of absolutes like always, never, etc.
    "I never put myself first." - of course you did, just not in ways that you now can and plan to.
    "I always want to stay happy and positive." - That's a lot of pressure. Maybe reframe that to I want to deal with setbacks, irritations, irritating people and missed goals with more calm - thereby decreasing unhappiness and negativity.
    - " intend to do so during the entire summer." - that promise to self is a heavy backpack to carry around. : ) Break it down into SMART goals. For example - "four days per week at the library.", "at least 14 days at the library in a calendar month." "not miss more than two days in a row."
    - "I'm not letting go of this momentum." This worries me the most. I will again use a line from a poem : ) : ) "Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself." You have five people directly dependent on you. There will be losses of momentum. Like Liam Neeson tells his about to be abducted daughter on the phone in Taken, "They are going to take you." Expect setbacks and be prepared for them ahead of time. It is the recovery from a loss of momentum that is important rather than never losing momentum.
    - "I am absolutely all in to give this my best shot"
    if I were coaching you :facepalm::blush: I would end the session encouraging you to rephrase or reframe this right after we end the Zoom call.

    TL;DR - such new ventures need a tangible goal around which you structure the habit. In this case, I highly recommend that you make that entrance exam a reality, schedule a date, pay for it, and prepare seriously. What you do with the results can be decided during the prep or later. If helpful people ask or caution you about the next steps (M.S. need, cost, job hunt, AI is coming to get us all), acknowledge the complexity, the unknowns and pleasantly dispense a small cliche like 'one step at a time.' Make it clear to them and you that after such a long break, just preparing and taking that exam will in itself be a huge accomplishment. If it leads to nothing next for a while, you are fine with that.

    I (always) have strong admiration and respect for anyone who finishes the (daily) day's cooking by breakfast time. :worship2: But do make sure that 6 hours of sleep is enough. If not, try to catch up on sleep whenever possible.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2024
  8. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    From personal experience, I'm known for doing too much too soon and get burnt out/losing focus after unexpected hindrances. So I'm make sure I'm being realistic in my plans . No need to race against time. You didn't miss anything. Everything is happening according to a plan. Now is the right time. So embrace it and enjoy it.
    It doesn't have to be all work no fun. Have fun. Don't forget sleep . Waking up 4.30AM and staying up without power nap has never worked for me. Get help.
    Outsource work. Make other involved in your day to day work.Accept to let go of certain responsibilities and share it with rest of the family.

    All recent threads are inspiring and motivating to read. It makes me happy that you are striving to make a change. Best of luck @gamma50g
     
  9. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Silver IL'ite

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    Nicely written. I just did the same mistake of putting myself in a hectic plan and now feeling tired.
    This will help with consistency. All u said here are to the point.
    I am attending a class at midnight for past 6 months. First 3 months were great, now feeling exhausted. Waiting for the class to get over so I can rest for a couple of days before studying what is being taught in class.
     
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