I am not a superwoman!

OP, when you are at work, and as the maid works on other things to be done at home, apart from looking after the baby what does MIL do? What else is pending at home, since you are doing most of the cooking and maid is there to do the cleaning. Identify that and see what else you can pitch in and do.

On a different note, your MIL is doing a favour by looking after your son, when you are away, but being parents you and your spouse are responsible of taking care of the kid. Probably that's why your husband appreciates her for what she does. And, taking care of little children is a tiring thing to do, I see that my mother is exhausted and completely drained out at the end of the day after taking care of my 2 year old while I am at work. If that is too tiring for her, is it possible for you to hire a nanny at least part time to look after the son?
Be calm and tell your spouse that you should be able to manage everything fine, and the child keeps growing too; so less attention.
Since you asked for tips from working women, offer some of those that I practice:
Loading washing machine, keeping vessels (pressure cookers with water in them,vessels for tea and milk, rice measured and in a bowl ready for washing, even ladles for the stirring) arranging ingredients like spices on platform, everything I do at night after cleaning the kitchen and before I hit the bed.
I push most of the routine tasks to weekends:
Peeling ginger, garlic and making paste to freeze
Planning a menu for each day in advance (the weekend before) and no changes are entertained
Making batches of dosa batter and roti dough during weekends and keep in fridge
Washing my outside clothes (or sending for dry cleaning), ironing everything for the week ahead and keep sets of clothes arranged for each day (even undergarments) on Sunday
Taking up the extra dusting, mopping, changing bedsheets, arranging baby's clothes, cleaning cupboards etc for weekend.
Cutting at least some of the veggies, marinating chicken/ fish for the week etc

Also, try getting up a little early on the days you have a lot of work to do before you leave to office. Getting 15 more minutes in the morning can also do wonders.

 

Dear OP,

What I have learnt so far is that MIL wont let you win the credit. She will praise herself to show you down. I live in exactly similar situation as yours.

I am working, cook brkfast lunch daily and then move to work. Come back by 6-7PM and start preparing dinner. And till then MIL is already frustrated or energy drained with my lil one. Maid just helps me for cleaning.

On weekdays I do just normal household works and weekends are kept for dusting etc.

You can gain peace of mind just by ignoring. However, it is not easy to ignore. I still find it tough. But there is no other way out.

DH thinks without MIL you wont be able to handle but you have got good chance to prove urself... Go ahead dear..Good luck.

Be happy that u r getting one full free year to live according to you. enjoy!!

 

dear op,

i think let her enjoy her tarif (self praise). its ok yaar just chill u should be happy that ur son is in safe hands.
i was in ur place few years back. with time i have learned that no one is going to get anything to take those fake compliments. what will happen if ur hubby start feeling good and praise u for all that. let him praise her as she is her mother and as per her age she doing all that. it is ok as far as ur son is happy and she is also satisfied with those returns (praises). dont ruin ur peace at home and urself thinking all those stuff.

and it is good opportunity for u to prove (if u really want to) to ur hubby when u will be on vacation. plan and perform to give 100% and make him assure that u can also do everything. but dear dont set extra benchmark for urself. or else this will raise is expectations after returning..
all the best...

 

How much household work does your DH do? When he taunts you, you taunt him back. Smile and say "still better than you honey!"

You BOTH work fulltime. So why is the expectation (Household work) only from you????

Nothing wrong in a working woman depending on maids. You are a human being not a machine!!. Stop doing things for his appreciation/gratitude. Next time he worries how you will manage abroad - tell him "sitting at home is not rocket science. Cooking, vaccuum clean, washing machine, dishwasher - all this takes 1.5hrs max. Anyone can manage"

DONT show/tell him you want to do more, you want to improve etc. You are already doing your share of work and bringing your paycheck home. You cant compete with DH in job and MIL in household work. Remember, both of them are doing only one thing but they expect you to do two things.

Happily put your feet up and depend on maids. Stop being what they want you to be. You will be exhaused everyday and will age 10x. Then also they will complain "that neighbours bahu looks so fresh and young". You can never win

 

Both our MIL's have got same genes!! gigglingsmileyhugsmiley

 

Does your DH seek your approval / validation for taking rest? No. Then why do you need his support for taking rest?

Stop being a slave. Do exactly what he does. Being a mother, you will still end up doing a bit more - Do that bit of extra for your son but dont slog your life away.

MIL, DH will both be pissed off if u redyce your work load. Let them be. Dont fight, dont argue. Once they accept the new reality, they will be ok.

 

Looking after a baby is a full time job. That too at this old age, you can't expect more from your MIL.
Her side helps at the kitchen and around the house should be definitely appreciated.

However, it doesn't mean a working woman like you to over do anything to balance the house. It is impossible.

You do what you can do. But you can do much in less time if you are planning your day in advance.
Also, invite your husband to pitch in wherever applicable, so that you both could share the responsibilities inside and outside of the house.

Use the maid correctly, this would solve half of your problem.

I am a working woman too. I have my mom who is taking care of my children while I am away from home.
We don't have maids right now. Due to security issues, we had to sack the ex-maid.

I plan my week well in advance. Iron the cloths of myself, and kids on Sunday. My husband joins me and we share this chore while watching TV or having a chat. So, it won't look as a burden.
But it helps a lot in the busy mornings of the working days.

I make chapati, rotti doughs, dosa batter etc..etc.. on Sunday eve. Which will be helpful to make ready made b'fast during working days.

Me and my mom jointly cut veggies for 5 days, and keep them in separate containers in the fridge. Ginger garlic pastes, coconut pastes etc..etc.. were made in big batches while cooking special meals on Sunday. This will help the weekdays cooking too.

Moreover, we make simple meals during weekdays.

While I am concentrating more on cooking, husband would do much around the house. Such as taking kids to park, playing with them, checking their school bags daily, putting younger one to sleep, and also feeding one kid at the busy time would be husband's job.

Also, he does grocery shopping, laundry, gardening etc..etc.. in addition to helping me with sweeping or moping the floor.

We order food from restaurant on Friday nights. Eat out on Saturdays (May be lunch or dinner) and visit friends or family on Sunday eve (late). So obviously no proper dinner on Sundays, but just a few snacks and tea.

We don't make any breakfast during weekends. Either buy ready to eat stuff from bakeries or fast food shop. Or mom would sometimes boil some grams.
But lunch would be always special like biriyani...

Kids are trained to arrange their toys, put their used cloths to the bin, keep their books and bags at the right place even though they are very small. They are not too demanding to go to park or play if parents could not make it.

Husband was demanding with hot fresh meals every time. But most of the times, I cook at nights (just 1 hr) and freeze it for the next day. He has learned to adjust now.

Just because you are working outside, doesn't mean you can dump your mommy or wify role at home to someone else. For a woman, it is definitely a double job. But it also doesn't mean that you should do everything.

Just like you are sharing your pay ch, also expect your husband to share some chores at home.