I am hurt

sonpari1000 · May 26, 2010

Kavitha do not lose heart ma. You are already doing what best you can in your situation. Surely you need to be aggressive once in a while with MIL - never mind if you have given them all the liberty all along. At least from now on please work on safeguarding your self-worth like how you did today by replying back to your MIL.
You are right - it is high time you join your DH. Please dont have too much hopes on the new DIL being an eye-opener to your MIL. You never know your MIL might have an altogether different disposition of herself towards the new entrant. There is not much you can do with such people than to preserve your sanity - which you are aready doing.

Best Wishes to you and yes vent out here when you feel like. I find this forum so very dependable.

kelly1966 · May 26, 2010

My Dearest Kavitha....
I really want to come and give you a tight hug.... we all are sisters floating in this same ship of life each trying hard to make it to the other side.... I can only tell you that don't expect any kindness or change of heart from your MIL... I discovered last night that the bitter truth is that
no matter what you do.....
no matter what you don't do....
you will never be appreciated / accepted or even remotely be considered a part of HER family....
so learn to ignore.... EVERYTHING... DON"T REACT to these ignorant creatures.... they are not worth ANY of your emotions....
believe me at the end of the day the loss is theirs... as they have lost out on the affection you are capable of showering on them...just PITY THEM
Be cordial distant and IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE all that hurts you shut it out from your life....
You have been so strong till now... hold on... regain your strength... don't let them see you weak....
Please take care of yourself first or else there will be no one for your twins....
Please feel free to call to chat... always there for you...
hugs hugs hugs....
kerman

kavithavel · May 26, 2010

Son,
Your right on the NExt DIL may be.
If MIL has a diffrent dispostion to her it is fine, but if he is still the same to her, I am sure these days girls aren't going to take it. Obviously the next one is going to be much younger than me, so her tolerance level would be different.
But I don't wish that for them as well. I would be happy if they are happy, if the next DIL isn't going to adjust then the person who would ultimately suffer is my BIL and I dn't want any of IL's to face hardship.
As said I don't hate them and can never bring myself to do that.
All that I have realised now is that I need to cut on my emotional bonding with them, if they don't realise the worth of a young girl who slogs her day out only for thier family then no point in being attached.
Just do my duty and move on... I would certainly not fall short on any of those responsibilites of take care of my SIL(DH's sis) and BIL(Dh's brother).
infact even today after all that, my BIL called on and he has lost of few of his certificates which I have spoken to concerned athorities and made it possible for him to take a duplicate one.(BIL is in a diff location and I am in a diff location).BIL has also played his part in causing hurt t me many a times, I can't keep all those to my heart.
My Dh's family is my responsibility and it is even more in his absence, it is only me who can take care of all these people.
But would stay a lil far emotionally from now on.

Thanks dear,
Love
Kavitha.

sonpari1000 said: ↑

Kavitha do not lose heart ma. You are already doing what best you can in your situation. Surely you need to be aggressive once in a while with MIL - never mind if you have given them all the liberty all along. At least from now on please work on safeguarding your self-worth like how you did today by replying back to your MIL.
You are right - it is high time you join your DH. Please dont have too much hopes on the new DIL being an eye-opener to your MIL. You never know your MIL might have an altogether different disposition of herself towards the new entrant. There is not much you can do with such people than to preserve your sanity - which you are aready doing.

Best Wishes to you and yes vent out here when you feel like. I find this forum so very dependable.
Click to expand...

kavithavel · May 26, 2010

Kermen,
I am so happy have read all the responses, the tears that were just staying back as I am at work just peeped out now.
The world is so beautiful is so many kind hearts, I definetly have to learn a lot of each one of you out there.
Why cry on a single person on the earth, when I have so many of you there to love me unconditionally like of my kids do.
I have to personally thank each one of you for you response, I would close my day with a clear mind now and while I go back home I would just do my task spend time with my kids and retire to bed.

I am not sure what you went thru last night Kermen, but I would return the tight hug to you and load of love.
I know each on of us here are there for the other.

Love,
Kavitha.

sheshin · May 27, 2010

Kavitha, a big hug to you. I'm really amazed at your patience dear. Be strong and don't take any hurt from the people who don't even realize your worth. Take a break and join your DH for some time. You are in my prayers Kavitha.

vaidehi · May 27, 2010

Dear Kavitha,

My sugesstion is Be like What u are till now..... that doesn't mean just keep Mum, But Be Strong and IGNORE as u have been . It will help u in long Run, U can't change people ..... however correct u maybe.... defn In-laws always have a upper hand and a sympathy factor attached to them.

U are doing a wonderful job and I admire ur strength.

kavithavel · May 27, 2010

I must thank each one of you here, I am feeling much better today. But there are other problems all occupying thier respective places in my mind, thats ok..each day is a new day and each day of life teaches you a new lesson , each challenge is new utill you handle right?????
So I am starting this day with the smile and with a hope to find solutions to the problems of the day, both at work and personal life.

Thanks is too small a word to use to all my fellow Ilites.
Love,
Kavitha.

kelly1966 · May 27, 2010

Dear Kavitha...
Just came to work in the morning and first checked IL for you... very glad that all was well...
I was quite worried about you last night... I know what its like to have in-laws who are not appreciative or grateful for whatever you do and all the while plan and scheme how to make life (which is already quite complicated) more difficult for the DIL... I too have lived without my DH for a year with in-laws and it was HELL!!!... My only saving grace was that my FIL and I were best of friends but MIL made up for all....
I have realised that she will not change their attitude towards me or feelings towards me ever so just takke it in your stride... keep doing good deeds as the circle of Karma is very strong and I believe that all is paid of here now in this birth...
so let us continue our duties be cordial / helpful / dutiful as that is what makes us better human beings.. let the rest behave in the manner so desired by them...
please just learn to ignore and shut your mind to all the hurt.... only absorb and breathe that is good....
Always there for you....Love you....
kerman

Lalitha Shivaguru · May 27, 2010

Dear Kerman,

You said it beautifully on the Karma theory.... I do understand very well how to be staying with inlaws even if DH is there. Whatever we do is never appreciated. Sometimes I wonder about their attitude. Though I realised this very late. Now I know how to play the game. I do not get involved in anything unless it is needed. Why get hurt unnecessarily? But I ensure during the time of need I will be there always. As I am working and out for long hours it helps me a lot. Communication too becomes minimum because once I am back, i need to speak to my kids and after DH it will be a dinner with all the four of us together (others will finish early). Atleast this way a deemed peace is at home.

When I got married I had put a condition to my parents that I need a family with lot of members in it because I was the alond dd with my elder brother. So i used to always envy people with sisters. But now I just hate joint family.

kavithavel · May 27, 2010

well,
Kerman and lalitha akka,
I understand this theory which my dad always used to tell me . My father even if he din't like my choice of marriage and even if he din't get me married ,he had done a lot of those patience lessons to me before I walked out of the house and I have made it a point to practice atleast 75% of those. He may be knew that his DD needed those, as till in parents palce, I was one of those headstrong, stubborn charecters...
A Drastic change right from the min I stepped out of my house, the reason to which was Love marriage with lot of oppostions. I made it a point to shut all those mouth and am now successful in these 5 yrs. but at home yes problems to creep up...but I try to maintain the a balance.

Life is so...after all that yesterday, MIL had to come to me for help today and is it not my duty to comply, well I have been doing that for 5 yrs now and will always continue..My children would learn out of me ...how can I be indiffrent at all..and now that I am the sole person taking care of my Il's and kids...I need to play my role as well as my DH's role.

Thanks Kerman I owe you a lot.
Lots of love to you as well my dear akka.

Kavi.