I Am Constantly Judged By My Mom

Now that she is 75 and as you said, how many more years she has to live, maybe it is time to make amends. Do not accept her to change at this age. Amends, if any, will have to be made by you. Success has different meanings to different people.
As for your children, I am sure, they listen to your mom more because she has given them more time in their life. As an old-fashioned mother, do not expect her to believe in us - our children's children are not our children- . She has every right to 'spoil' them. hahahaha.

 

Let me share with you an astrological perspective on this issue. Certain relationships may be going through a difficult phase due to the nature of our past karma. Even I have this kind of relationship with my mom. It made me go deep to understand the reasons behind it. What I understood is that I have done something in my previous birth and hence have to experience this kind of situation in this lifetime. Once you understand and accept that, it won't irritate you anymore. In fact if you don't react negatively and simply accept it, the karma will get finished. But if you keep complaining or resenting the situation you are in, it will make it worse. Best to take it positively and humbly. Then you will be surprised to see how the situation also becomes better. Wish you all the best.

 

@SGBV, In my observation, your mom or any other mom of that age or my mom, just want to be heard. They dont want our opinion on who is right, if she she is wrong or how to fix it. They dont want to change any thing evenif they are wrong.

So, it will give just pain if you go that path of enlighting your mom or explaining your side or fight for justice. It will be hard to change our approach, but just acknowledge and dont contribute much to the discussion. Yeah, you are right, Yeah I understand etc are the words they may like. They are in their second childhood, so whatever tricks we play with kids to deviate their attention and bring the brighter side can work. Sometimes even grey rocking. Try to make her feel good about herself by appreciating her contributions, talk less on past events or negatives.

When they vent, just listen, try to change the topic or their attention. They want appreciation, empathy, care/ love and respect. They dont want to listen any thing negative, so even if we like to say no, do it in affirmative way. So, listen, node your head, dont take it your heart. I am sure it demands some practice and effort to change your overall approach. Accept it. You can't change her, so change your approach.

 

When what you think, what you say and what you do vary, it creates internal conflict within you. Try to avoid this. You can acknowledge her contribution by saying how she has raised you well to be able to make your decisions. After all she is your mother and giving her credit for what you have become is a reasonable effort. However, please remember you say "Yes" to her individual views on a particular circumstance and then do your own way, it might make her do the same thing over and over again.

My suggestion is to tell her that your decisions are successful only because of her great contribution in bringing you up. Every decision you take, give her the credit even before she gives her opinion on each issue. Just listen to her views and don't react. But you don't share what you think about the particular issue. Not even justify the rationale for your decision. Because you give credit to her for your ability to make decision, she will give away the habit of participating in each decision.