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I am confused

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by ptamil2007, Jun 28, 2010.

  1. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Ok, I need to vent out.
    Here is my situation:

    I am a computer engineer and was working for 6 years before marriage. After getting married, left job to join husband abroad. I still was in the mentality of getting a job, after 4 months, I got a job there and soon also had my first baby.

    Many things were happening in life that time and after the baby was born, we moved place and I quit my job.
    I came to this country, thinking I will continue to work.
    That time my son was 5months old. It was the peak of recession and people were losing jobs and I was looking out for one.
    After 8 months or so I started getting quite irritated and anxious about not having a job because I wanted to work. After a year, I have now got a job, a job which I wanted to do.

    That time my son was around 16-17 months. I also got another job offer which was in accounting line and less challenging. But since I wanted to work, I made my decision and I took up this job. My husband is quite understanding and said whatever you like, you make your own decision.

    So I started to work full time. the company I joined is a start up company and all are new, so there were lots of troubling moments, political drama in office etc..My husband is quite adjusting and has been putting up with my awful cooking at times.

    It has been 8 months now I am doing this and I am thinking : Is this all worth it?

    I spend 600 euros on childcare, my son sure would miss those home food and the easy going days. From 5 , anyway they will have to go out full day. and I am feeling guilty I am keeping him outside the house for 5 days a week - 8 hours a day.

    Sometimes due to work pressure, I am not able to enjoy the evenings with him.

    Overall after all the expenses, my savings of money is also not high.
    I am too tired most of the time, I dont spend quality time at home. I am irritated with myself dont know why.

    So many things going on in my head and I am guilty to discuss this with my husband as he never asked me to return to work.I only wanted to get back to work and now I feel it was an incorrect decision.

    My brother is getting married in august and since I dont have any holidays accrued, I am going only for 3 days for the wedding

    Sorry for the long post ladies, but I had to bring this out to keep my sanity.

    I dont know what to do, please help
     
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  2. loonypooh

    loonypooh Silver IL'ite

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    ptamil, i am not sure if i hv an answer to ur question.
    different people resume work after baby for various reasons. for some its career,for some its monetory,for some its to keep their sanity,for some its their independance.
    i am not quite sure if its worth it for u, but if i had an option, i wouldnt join back work, rather enjoy these precious years with my LO.now that also means that i might not get a job if i wish to,later, but i would still rather be with my baby than anywhr else.
     
  3. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    You were irritated when not working and now irritated while working. If you quit after a few months will you get antsy again? Better....Can you work slightly less hours for sometime? Say 75% for a few months and take the pay cut and see how it goes?? Though financially it might not be worth it with day care.

    Regarding the wedding.....even if you dont have enough vacation time...can you take maybe 10dys without pay if you tell them in advance? I have done that....as I never had enough vacation compared to dh and didnt want to deprive kids on christmas breaks just cuz I didnt have hours accrued. Depends on your company I guess. Its usually our guilt that keeps us from asking.

    Good Luck.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2010
  4. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for both the replies. I just had to vent it out. Thinking to myself was eating me up.

    Regarding the 75% and taking a pay cut, I would love to have such a job, but this company definitely they dont have that flexibility. Another colleague of mine, she has 3 kids, could not manage work-life, so she went to my manager asking for 3 days a week. But she was shouted upon and finally she ended up resigning.

    Regarding the vacation for wedding, I guess I have to ask sometime, I know he will say something , but definitely I will take those holidays.

    I guess I just have to keep going. Just that I am still not able to figure out how working mums manage their time:
    1. What time in the mornings do you ladies generally wake up?
    2. What are the things that can be done to keep the house tidy, play with the kid, spend time with hubby, yet cook different delicious food every day.
     
  5. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    I also could not work pt initially as they would not allow. Just recently an opportunity came as funding was low and I volunteered. turns out that funding became ok but since i already asked for pt, boss let me go ahead. Somedays I find not enough time to finish work but cant have everything.

    Looking back when my DS/DD was little (he is a teenager now) it was hard. And its still hard even now. Just different kind of stress. homework and projects and recitals and afterschool activities to go to. Guilt about not giving playdates etc. Believe me...the guilt never goes away. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Even with my inlaws help, the kids still need me. But I decided I want to work. I feel I am a better mom cuz of it and more organized. I have my me time that way. Can read online during lunch, chat with colleagues, get other prespective on life.

    I think we women have to stop trying to be supermoms. Cant work, spend time, cook fresh all in a day. But you can do some each day. The mistake we make is we compare ourselves to others and think we should be able to also.. but we dont know what compromise they take to get it done.

    Maybe you should cook 3dys and plan to spend time with kid fully in the eve the other 2dys. There is nothing wrong with that. I generally cook 4 dishes on sunday to last m/t/w. So when I come home on those days I know I dont have to cook from scratch, just heat up. buy chapathi and dosa batter. I freeze extra curries so when I am short on time...i know I have back up. the kids prefer non indian for school lunch so that is sandwich or nuggets. thursday I might make pasta or burrito something that kids wont fuss about. Friday we generally go out. and weekend it depends. In between I still have my inlaws to please food wise.

    I do all laundry on weekend. I am too obsessive about clean house so I have stop myself from doing that everyday and let things be. Womens work is never done...I can find my dh watching tv on weekends but I alwys feel I have things to do...but that is how I am.

    Since I have tried the stay at home thing for 5yrs I prefer this much better. But you have a LO right now so its a bit different I guess. Doesnt matter what time you get up ( I am not morning person and cannot cook in mornings) its just how you organize yourself and what is impt to you. If you you cant do, dont sweat it. try another day.
     
  6. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Thank you very much for the motivating reply. I guess the key thing I should take is organizing.
    hmmmm, may be, thats what I am lacking
     
  7. loonypooh

    loonypooh Silver IL'ite

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    ptamil are u in india or abroad?
     
  8. simrannkaur

    simrannkaur New IL'ite

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    Dear Pitamil,

    What you need is little bit of planning.

    Plan for the week ahead during your weekend. Prioritise your work. I know its quite difficult to manage home n office both together. You need to plan your cooking too for the week n shop your grocery accordingly.

    There are lot of easy, healthy n fast cooking dishes that you can cook.

    Following are a few of them:
    Palak Paneer: Prepare palak puree during your free time n when you want to cook just add paneer, chopped onions, ginger garlic, powder masalas with little bit of butter n microwave for 2-3 mins depending on the quantity. Your palak paneer is ready in minutes.

    Rajma, chole, dal etc.: add (onion, tomatoe, ginger n garlic) paste with powedered masalas and oil to rajma, chole or plain dal n pressure cook. This needs minimum supervision.

    Cook rice in microwave. It takes around 7 to 10 mins.

    Healthy snacks like upma, poha, idli, dosas these r too very fast n easy to cook.

    You can make some healthy changes to your dishes. u can replace onions by fresh corns in poha n upma as onion takes time to cut.

    keep your referigerator stocked with lot of frozen vegs n fruits.

    u can make healthy smoothies in mins. add, youghurt, banana n any other fruit of your choice if u like n blend it into a smoothie. Dont need to add sugar as bananas are quite sweet. This can be a healthy snack for you n your kids as well n they'll love it.

    Make ginger garlic paste and store it in the fridge this saves a lot of cooking time. You can take help of your maid to do this. This can be done once a week or maybe once a month.

    I dont know your cooking but I am a punjaban. Punjabi dishes are really very time consuming. I have figured out these easy recipes by my experience. M also a working lady. unfortunately no kids. We were in a joint family. As i was working I had to carry lunch for me so ended up cooking lunch n dinner for the family. My sis-in-law did nothing. she felt that since she is at home she is working the most so I had to cook lunch as well as dinners. It was really very tiring.

    As we are too busy taking care of kids n house v neglect ourself. v dont get time for ourself for our body. You can apply mustard oil (u can mix almond oil too if you wish) every night before going to bed on your hands n feet n wear gloves n socks. This will keep your hands n feet soft n attractive n you'll save money n time on your menicures n pedicures.

    Just make a few changes here n there and a little bit of planning will make you feel relaxed.

    The most important is that you change your thinking. If you do things with interest you will enjoy, maybe its cooking or household chores or any other work. but if you are not happy you will always feel irritated n stressed out.

    So keep yourself happy and enjoy life.

    All the best.
     

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