I am confused... Need helping hands to clear my mind!

Hi Ladies,

This is going to be a big post.

I got married 6 months back. My husband and I are from two different religion and yes its a love cum arranged marriage. I am 29yrs old and My husband is almost 6 years YOUNGER to me. I am the elder daughter who has taken the responsibility at home after my dad lost his business. I have been earning for 7 years and my family is in a better position than what we were. But my husband is the youngest of the four from a very well to do family and he is the most spoilt brat at home.

None knows about our age gap including our parents since they will not agree for us to get married. We decided to share the marriage expenses. Unfortunately he could not arrange any money and I did the whole wedding. He said he will give his salary for the loans that I have taken up for the wedding. We married knowing each other's commitments and agreed to support each other and live happily.

We lived in his parent's house for 5 months and we moved out due to his parent's irritating expectations and annoying sisters which in turn created problems between us that my husband has brutally hit me three or four times and every time I end up in hospital. So I decided to be in my mom's place until I recovered and never step into that house unless we find a rented house to move out. My husband made a big fuss but finally he agreed to move out. Ofcourse my parents and my sister gave money for advance and everything.

Things were fine but I always felt that there is something fishy and something is going on with my husband. when he leaves home to office he does not communicate to me even when he is travelling in his office cab and always says he is busy at work. I believed him completely. But I have been an idiot, until I saw his unusual post paid phone bill which neva go above Rs300 was Rs.1199 for the month of August. I am the one who pays the bills, loans etc etc.. So I was a bit annoyed and checked his bills and found that Vodafone has charged his messages which they generally dont since he has some 9999 msgs free for a month.

Apparently I just came across a specific number for which msgs and calls were exchanged at midnight, early mornings, throughout the night till morning and many long hour conversations. I decided to analyse the data completely. He has sent msgs to that number exactly during his breaks, travel, @ busy office hours too but everything happens when I am not around. I would be begging him to message me once he reaches office/ while eating ( to know if the food is good or not since I just started cooking) and he has never done. But he had all the time in his world to message that number alone.

I found that the number belong to one of the trainee ("GAL") in his own office. I was so upset on why would he do this to me. I did not know what is going on. Iam a very straight forward person and I keep everything transparent to him. When I asked him why his phone bill is this much. He said one of his friend used his phone to call and msg his gal frnd. He stated that it happened when I was in my mom's house and his friend always accompanied him every night. I still believed him but two weeks later I came to know that his friend's gal frnd's name is different from the "GAL" whom he has been talking to.

I was like good God please tell me the truth. I was very angry and when I asked my husband why would your colleague speak with your friend. He said his friend wanted to speak with that "GAL"l since they are from same community and its just for fun. He convinced (He is the best at the art of convincing) me so well and even called his friend in front of me and asked if he paid half of my husband's bill since he was using his phone. His friend also said Yes. I still beleived him. The next morning I got a call from his friend and he told me the truth. He said " You are a very nice gal and I could not hide the truth to you. It is your husband who is been talking to that "GAL". Despite telling him not to do this he continued talking to that "GAL". He forced me to lie to you and I did it thinking you both would not fight over it since he promised me he will no more talk to that gal"

Banggggg... All my faith and trust shattered in a min. I feel so upset over why would he lie to me. His friend says that my husband is using me and he will dump me soon. My husband has called his friend in some instinct and he came to know that I know the truth. He simply mailed me " Stop poking nose into my personal things. You are screwing my happiness. She is just a friend. I am married and I will not do any nonsense". Saying this he changed all his passwords (gmail, facebook, yahoo) so that I do no have any option of looking into his september month phone bill or I don know if he has some mistery going on in gmail and facebook too.

I don know what has he go to talk over the phone for a long time when Iam not around.I appreciate him having friends (doesn't matter gal or boy) but I should know them isn't? Let him talk in front of me and have a healthy friendship just lik the way I do. He wants to keep everything secretive from me and then why should he be living with me? He has no guilt of lying to me... He has not owned up his mistakes.He still feels what he did was correct but if my call is on wait @10pm he shoutes at the top of his voice and questions whether I am cheating on him. I feel miserable. My world is restricted to six people and I don talk to anyone other than them and they are my family, my two best friends and my husband. He knows that very wel but still behaves this way.

I agree he is very young for a marriage and I try to put up everything. I try to think everything from his perspective. When he wanted to marry me I explained him every disadvantage of marrying me. He accepted everything and promised me he will do anything to keep me happy. Bla bla bla... I can put up with his irresponsibility but not his infidelity anymore or I should know how to handle it atleast. I cant be living my life all the time chasing him like this. I hate it. He is a person with extreme anger and love and will never listen to anyone's advise including his parents or siblings

Am I taking it too serious or being the annoying donkey or is he the real cheater box? I am clueless... I don know what to do. and I don know what he needs in life. Please tell me what I should do next?

IMPORTANT: I have caught him two times like this in different situations after marriage and both the times he denied his mistake and this is the third time.