I am a tough nut

Thanks dear sahityaj..
Yup i too discussed everything with co-sis.Still I am trying to control this because once you have opened your heart and lips to someone,its difficult to close them again..
Be cautious because she is more experienced and she might be liking you too but still,she will sacrifice you ruthlessly to achieve her interests over yours..

And your advice about not to tell your fights with parents etc to MIL,Cosis or DH is 100% true.. I have followed this from very first day.Anyways,touch wood but there aren't many issues on that side of my family still,I believe firstly,they should be kept away from this side of people and issues and secondly,its always better if ILs hold your family in high regards-you'll feel really good..
In my case,my parents and brother-bhabhi actually have a near perfect relationship and thankfully are also quite well off so,my MIL etc are quite over awed with the gifts etc they give and the lifestyle they lead..Infact,my MIL secretly apes my mom-her dressing style,her personality etc..laugh1smiley

 

Oh dear..My story is a bit complicated.Guess you haven't gone through my earlier posts..I have a typical scenario and I am stuck for life in this..Don't have enough words to describe my SIL-a shameless,selfish,zero dignity lady who wants all the luxuries and a heroine like lifestyle without even moving her fingermg:
MIL supports her totally and this out of the world type mechanism of bearing her 100% expenditure is because of her brothers totally blinded in love of their sister and mother..
My blood boils sometimes thinking of spending our hard earned money for these clever ladies but what to do?I am only doing this for my DH..
Please go through these-
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/145569-does-anyone-have-widowed-sil.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/226185-heights-of-shamelessness-very-irritated.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/178096-tired-of-trying-what-do.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/201507-copycats.html

 

Hi everyone..
I wanted to update you all about some developments but didn't want to start a new thread so adding it up here.Anyways it counts as an important milestone in my success so here I go..
I am mastering the art of keeping quiet most of the times and blank stare strategy and I have somehow suppressed the urge of speaking out my mind because I am right.I mean I understand-who wants to know if I am right and whom am I going to prove this?No one is interested.
So,between SMART and being RIGHT,I am choosing BEING SMART in most of the cases.
It doesn't mean that I am taking any kind of injustice lying down but I am taking the calls about when and how to answer them back.
One such incident I have narrated in the following thread-

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/r...aws/262285-should-i-call-partial-victory.html

I'll sum up the new developments in different points-

A.When MIL is with us-

1.I am very formal and cold.I am not impolite or rude but just detached.Since I have taken the charge of my kitchen,she isn't able to do much there.
2.I joined a new job and its giving me a much better package than earlier so,I am happy even if its more time and effort demanding.
3.MIL didn't help at all in DD's upbringing till now.My mom also because of her job hasn't been able to give much time.I have made it a point to make statements in front of family and friends like-"My DD hasn't been lucky to have doting daadi or naani who would change her diapers" or "Its been a hectic year managing DD all alone but I feel so satisfied that single handedly I am raising her"..Now all this is true.But making such statements in public not only brings accolades from people but also reduce MIL's chances of boasting how she takes care of DD.
The truth is-when MIL is here,DD,even in my absence,doesn't go to her.She isn't saying "daadi" at all.This is so upsetting for MIL..
DH,now I think knows this when people appreciate me in front of him how I am taking care of DD and she is so healthy etc..So,MIL's boasting has more or less stopped..

4.When MIL is with us,I hardly go for shopping.I mean what is the sense?She'll see stuff and then in one way or other,ask for the same for SIL.I do it when she isn't around.
And when she comes back and sees me wearing something new,she asks when did I buy?I answer-"ummmm..I don't remember Mummyji..Its not very new..Was lying from so long..I am not able to recall etc" I mean I do it every single time.She knows its not true and I know that she knows but still I do it..
5.She gets so irritated to see me and DH spending time together.She tries her best to disturb us or come along etc.
My new job keeps me busy a lot.So,I only get weekends for parlour and other pending works etc.I drag DH along with me many times.I go to a uni sex saloon and I drag him along.Now he is so hooked to the body massages there.And we return on saturday evening mostly to be accompanied with friends.Enjoy saturday evening with them,sleep till late on sundays.MIL,in her earlier fashion,knocks many times,to which I never get uo and send DH to open the door etc.He gets so irritated to have his sleep disturbed.Hehehe

6.On some day trips,visiting my parents or other friends,the problem of MIL tagging along is no more.We have a small family car.And I carry DD's nanny everywhere with us.So there is no space left in the car for MIL..

B.When MIL is not with us-
1. When she is with SIL,I hardly call her.Not even my SIL..
Surprisingly enough,my SIL has of late become my fan.She calls me,praises me,sends those lovey dovey messages etc. but I have had my hands burnt earlier.I can't trust her.And I know,she thinks my vote is important now for whatever they do and their finances have come down now so she must be doing it to keep me in good books.
The thing I hate about her is-she criticises her own mom.Now,I might not share a very good relation with MIL but I feel sorry for her because she fights with her and is so biased for her daughter and the same daughter is bit**ing about her own mom to me.Loser
2.SIL's kids too try to talk to me sometimes but frankly speaking,I have been hurt so many times and I have somehow mastered the ART oF DETACHMENT that actually I am not bothered.

C.With BIL and Co sis
They shifted overseas some time back.So we are hardly in touch now.
And I have my hands full with career,DD,house etc that I don't have time..

D. With DH-
We are more happy now.I have less time so he too tries to spend quality time with me,arranges dinners and movies for me.I am happy.
I don't discuss MIL/SIL with him at all.Only once in a while,I'll just casually mention-"SIL was saying this and this about MIL..I don't think a daughter should do that"
"Your mom loves her daughter so much.I wish she loved me so much"
And I leave it after that.I know that he knows their nature but isn't able to do much.My purpose is just to provide him information.Thats it..

D.My recent success
After strong suggestions by most of friends on Indusladies,I convinced DH and we have invested in a property.The cash down payment eroded all our savings-we anyways didn't have much because I wasn't working for a year because of DD.We borrowed from friends and my parents.After paying EMIs etc,we are hardly left with anything.This has very much tied our hands.So,we are just sending the monthly thing to SIL and thats it.
MIL is visibly quite irritated.She now explodes quite often in front of DH too because her and her daughter's money demands are being turned down.She says-"even in this old age,I have to live like beggars.What is the use?I have lived my whole life trying to save money" etc etc..
I keep quiet(giggling inside)..DH hears it sometimes.But once or twice he has retorted"mummy,you know we are also working day and night.We have a child too now.We have to think of her also.Tomorrow if something happens to us,who will take care of her.Anyways,I think all your demands are being fulfilled.Tell me what do you need in this age which I am not fulfilling?And since we are supporting sister,everyone will have to contribute".. I can take a bullet for my DH for this..
So.all in all,MIL seems to be losing on her Goddess status because of her erratic verbal explosions and her selfish nature being exposed in front of DH.
I curb my desire to discuss her behaviour with DH.After all,I don't want him to go back into shell once again..
Thanks to my lovely friends here for making this happen
I am loving my irritating responses,blank stares and detached attitude:crazy

E.The new issue-
SIL wants to shift to a bigger city in the name of her kids' education.Both the brothers have agreed to it.Although I showed my opposiotn but since I know its not going to be counted,I am keeping quiet.But I had a frank discussion with DH discussing potential issues etc.He understood.
In some other thread,you all advised me to sit down with all,take into consideration the total income and property etc and discus.I told this to DH.But since BIL is in a foreign country and there is no point discussing with MIL/SIL,I don't know how to go about it.MIL/SIL will either create a scene and cry etc or they'll agree because they will offer all kinds of false promises to get this done.Once they shift,dramas will start again..
Its kind of dicey. I have made it clear to DH that he'll have to stick to a monthly contribution but I am not sure what kinds of strategies they'll adopt after shifting.
MIL says she wants to stay in the present SIL house as she has many friends there.Whether she stays there or not,that house can't be sold off.MIL will too need a monthly amount which everyone agreed that it'll be the pension and rental income.
SIL will rent a flat but it'll need furnishing because she'll leave her old stuff for MIL in her present house.
And I know after sometime she'll start cribbing about the rental flat and pressurise that she needs her own house in the bigger city.A new car,fridge,AC etc will be needed.
I discussed all this and the possible issues with DH.He was patient and agreed.I emphasised that all of us are doing whatever we can to enable this mechanism.MIL too should contribute and stay with SIL.THat will reduce the expenditure required in maintaining two houses.Present house can be sold or rented out.It will help them financially and reduce our burden.Plus,this will also ensure that SIL and her kids are in check.After all,its very difficult for a young lady to stay alone with kids in a big city.
He understands and agrees but I am not sure if he can convince everyone..Lets see..Any suggestions are welcome..

Thank you all again for helping me,guiding me and supporting me..I am learning day by day and handling it all smartly without disturbing my peace of mind or my immediate family's happinesshugsmiley