I am a complete man!

Dear Sri:

I read your post as well as the exchange with Chitvish with equal interest. In particular, her comment

is one of the most quotable of quotes that I have come across for a while. Add to this the stuff that some of the young members of IL are churning out nowadays and you will have little doubt that the community is bubbling with incomparable vigour.

Needless to say, this is a post that would inspire almost everyone into a state of rumination. About as important a subject as the perspective from which one should face one's life. I mean of course the all important derrière vis-à-vis frontage dilemma you opened up. Well, not exactly a dilemma either. Perhaps it's more a question of dialectics than a dilemma.

And once you are into dialectics, there is no end to the number of possibilities that crop up. Evolution itself being a dialectical phenomenon, it's no wonder that reading you made me end up in a posture that you, given your frank admission about the disinclination you feel towards physical excesses, would surely have disapproved. For I find myself twisted up into a posture now that is so difficult to assume that it might make this TV chap, Ram somebody or the other, begin to writhe in pain. How come, he would be asking himself, that he never mastered the art of turning himself into the odd looking creature that I happen to resemble?

This is not the first time in my life of course that I have found myself in this position. If you had read my Paradise Regained: A Hairy Tale post by any chance, you would know what I mean. I had turned my head there by an exact 180 degrees to keep a watch over a barber clown, as my chest faced the rest of the world in the opposite direction as courageously as though it belonged to King Richard of Lion Heart fame. But that post had more to do with the state of my scalp, a fact that might make Chitvish snicker in delight. She might even observe that I am deprived of vegetation whichever way you look at me, a compliment she refused to pay you.

Well, as I said, I stand in dismay facing the world behind me. It has evolutionary implications as I suggested. Am I receding towards a world that was ruled by reptiles? (Who knows? All I know is that reptiles can perform my act with relative ease.) And all because you got me into this hindsight mode, forcing me almost to try and view my behind leaving the rest of me wherever the world wanted it to stay. To put in more clearly, in case I have confused you unnecessarily, I am typing away this fb with my eyes riveted on the wall facing the monitor. If you have difficulty understanding this stupid, try and draw a picture. Or ask Chitvish. I am sure she would know what I am talking about. Woman's intuition. I always had great faith in the stuff. It's expensive I tell you. Never try to possess it. You'll end up in penury.

But how, you might ask nonetheless, should you have successfully figured out my predicament by now, did you cause this transformation in me? The answer is clear, no dialectics here. You appear to be the only person I have heard of whom friends recognize from behind. Chitvish has of course tried to clarify matters for us. You look the same viewed whichever way, except of course for the goatee I guess. She should know, having treated you to delicious dinners from the front (in Kamalji's company as well as in his absence), and then seen you from behind when she had to show you the door because you were not leaving even though it was close to midnight. (Now, don't feel sorry for yourself. She never invited me even to show me the door. Sob, sob.)

I asked myself you know. Would I know Amitabh Bachchan from behind? Would Madhubala ever rise to such heights in my eyes? Waheeda? Madhuri? I do not know man, but I have this nagging suspicion that even if they ever offered Madhubala for keeps, but made it a condition that one had to recognize her from behind, I would lose the race.

So, I am trying to watch myself from behind me and asking myself as I do so, "Is this the same posterior that I had always assumed I possessed?" I don't know the answer yet. May be I shall never know at all. But once you are into dialectics, as I said, you stand face to face (face to behind?) with a whole new Pandora's Box of problems. I soon discovered the troubles associated with hindsight. It makes you travel backward in time. I found that I was staring at my posterior, not as it is today, but as it could have been around the time of the Sepoy Mutiny. And what did I discover?

I discovered, much to my grief, that there is not a single project that I started on in my miserable life that I managed to bring to a successful end. For example, I began to smoke at a relatively early age and then stopped when I had reached a healthy figure of around 70 to 80 sticks a day. This was followed up by yoga. Within a few years I began to resemble my grandson (not his posterior mind you). This scared me so much that I gave up. I was scared because I didn't wish to be afflicted by the Benjamin Button syndrome. Then I took up reading books. So, I learnt my alphabets and began to struggle. After straining uselessly for a while, I gave that up too. Literacy is too demanding.

And now, as I keep searching into the mystery darkness of my past, I didn't even know (for almost an hour) what more there is that I could start on with the sole purpose of not finishing.

And then, finally, I found the answer. It's the last of my brainwaves I think. It came to me without your help, without Chitvish's inspiration.

I think I know what is the only thing in life you can begin without ever wanting to end it.

It's called LIFE!!

Thanks good friend for helping me think. But I am slightly confused too. Does this revelation make me a complete man or a complete reptile?

oj

 

My dear Anna

Ok va. I had hip bone fracture in the year 1991 in June . Its almost 18 years now. Since the first operation was not done properly, again in 1999 artificial hip joint was replaced by a well known Doctor. I used to work that time.

Good to know that you have positive attitude towards life and even if you feel depressed it lives only for a short time. Life teaches us so many things and friends always help us in many ways.

With namaskarams
viji

 

Hey Cheeniya!


Had a hearty laugh upon reading your post. Strangely though, humans have the uncanny habit of verifying details or plainly imposing their self attuned knowledge.... Ummm.... honestly even I do it many a times

Glad to know you are in good health and will be exercising soon.. Hehehe. All the best! Njoy.

Regards,
Sandy

P.S.: heh! you inspire me a lot to get into a healthy lifestyle... gotta think aba it

 

Dear OJ da,
You write
But I am slightly confused too. Does this revelation make me a complete man or a complete reptile?

No worries! Confusions, revelations etc are typical only for human beings, not for reptiles. They are blessed that way!! We live life; they simply exist, perhapsjust happily!

A woman’s intuition for the following line is ‘superfluous ’!
I am typing away this fb with my eyes riveted on the wall facing the monitor.
There is a mirror in your room, doing the trick!

Now, let me share a piece of information with you! When you come home (which I wish happens early enough – I am already a septuagenarian, for your information!), Vish will hog all your attention, believe me. Having lived in Calcutta, having studied in BHU, he is too fond of Bengal, Bengali Babus, mishtee dhoi, luchis et al. So you both will form a cosy two some, leaving me to my good friend Cheeniya. We chat endlessly, but agreeing to disagree on every topic.

After seeing you both off, I will put my observation to good use and write a post on
The posterior view of two literary giants!

You know of Cheeniya as well rounded, literally as well as knowledge wise!! But, he is well rounded physically also. So, he fits the bill of ‘alround personality’. I saw you on the TV prgramme a few days back – you cannot compete with him ‘figurewise’!!
Do visit Chennai, I would love to meet you!
Love,
Chithra.

 

Dear Sri,

You started my day with a smile allright! Smiling, bcs i am a complete man too, both ways.Now ,Now, dont misunderstand me, i am a happy man, not a gay one.:rotfl

I am a CM, bcs i have two Raymonds suits stitched for my daughters wedding, and CM again, bcs i dont take any medicines as of now.My doctor, unlike yours, loves me, for whenever i go i tell him a joke or two, but still the bugger dosnt give me a discount.In fact he charges others 50/- and me 100/-, for reasons best known to him.

And he loves me,. bcs i dont know anything about diseases, and he must be feeling nice to explain to me, kamal , that pain in yr chest, is not an attack, but acidity,go slow on namkeens, tea, etc etc for a week, i say releived, thanks boss, pay anc come out, and harsha tells me take a dose of my homeopathic Sufi, and acidity will go away, and swear just one dose of it and i am fine and back to eating all rubbish for i know Harsha is there to bail me out.So the fees went waste on the Doc.:biglaugh

As for exercises, well i feel sorry for those hunks jogging, or peddalling away.You have the money, females will swarm over u, and if u are broke hunk, in fact all females will runa way from u.

when will people learn from me and u , Sri :rotflWe will epand on this when we meet soon.HAHA

Great one, Sri, u are at yr best here.Woe be to yr doc !

Regards

kamal

 

@ Chithra

Thanks for the invitation friend. Quite apart from the grand Bengali style "adda" you promise, there is an additional reason why I want to visit Chennai. I liked the city everytime I visited it.

Looking forward to the fun.

oj-da