Husbands / Wives / In Laws Jokes / Experiences which made you LAUGH OUT LOUD!!

ok one from me.....


Husband and Wife were driving through a highway when they saw soime donkeys.
Husband: Are those donkeys your relatives?
Wife: Yes, kind of. They are my in-laws.

 

one more...
husband & wife riding a car in the countryside...As they were passing a mule of pigs husband sarcastically asks to wife,
'relatives?'....
wife replies...."yeah, in-laws'....

 

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

 

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."


A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

 

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

 

some more
1)The clock fell off the wall. If it was a minute sooner, it would have hit my MIL. That clock was always slow!

2)A guy brings his dog into the vet and says, "Could you please cut my dog's tail off?" The vet examines the tail and says, "There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?" The man replies, "My MIL is coming to visit, and I don't want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome!"

 

Once upon a time, a married couple like me, celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary with a lot of fun & flair.

They had become the 'most infamous couple' of the city for not having a single conflict during their period of 25 long years! Local newspaper editors too had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well talked about "happy go lucky married life".

Editor: "Sir, it is amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? Please share your thoughts & experiences for the well being of the Society!"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
"Well, we had been to Napa Valley for our honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay, but the horse on which my wife was riding, seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time"!
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time, she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her the third time, she silently took out the gun from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I could not resist & shouted at my wife: "What the hell did you do, you psycho! You simply killed the poor animal. Are you gone crazy?"
She gave a silent look and in a cool, composed posture, she said: "This is your first time"!!!
And, thenafter we have lived happily... No arguements, No quarrels, No pitty fights!"

Husband concluded: "That's it. We are happy ever after".

 

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 25 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 25 years?"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today".

 

Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out a little too far. He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and holds him back.
The first lifeguard says,"Why are you holding me back? We have to go save that woman!"
To which the other replies, "Don't worry. That woman is my mother-in-law."
"Are you trying to kill her?"
"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent. Just watch."
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman, and ride her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked the first lifeguard.
"Professional courtesy."


Q: Why would you rather deal with a vicious dog than your mother-in-law?

A: A vicious dog eventually lets go!


Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

 

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, ' If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, ' Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. ' Who are you? '
' I am your guardian angel, ' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah? ' the man asked 'And where the hell were you when I got married? '