Husband's sexual orientation

Malavika,

not meaning to pry too deeply, but just out of curiosity, is this also considered a form of foreplay? after the punishment has been given are you both aroused enough to have sex?
of course role plays are great when having sex especially after so many years in marriage, it does liven it up a bit. but just trying to see how this style would not or could not lead up to sex in the end.

 

dear

how is ur life now?
is he still coming up with different fantasies or any change??

 

Sridivya,

OK I will try and answer your questions the best I can.

We do have our disagreements and verbal arguments and most of the time, we resolve those disputes in the vanilla way. We do not go around hitting each other or screaming at each other's faces but we do have conflict resolution protocols and disagreements. If two people are to be in a relationship, there is bound to be disagreements and frustrations.

We do isolate and insulate our fantasy/fetish lifestyle from our mundane everyday life and I am not sure how I can explain this in a meaningful way if you have very little idea of this lifestyle. However, some of the things in our mundane everyday life has segway into the fantasy realm we like to dwell in and it is just a segway in the purest sense. Me dominating him and punishing him and him being submissive to me and accepting the punishment are with mutual consent and prior agreement and the experience is pleasurable and enjoyable for both of us. He likes being punished by me for infractions just as much I like punishing him and keep him walking on eggshells. Why? Because as a submissive, he expects that from me and as a dominant, I try not to disappoint him with the expectations. This is a bit difficult to explain to someone vanilla as you have very little idea of what is entailed in this lifestyle but I'll try my best LOL. Punishing him for not completing his responsibilities or bad behavior are just segway into the fantasy realm and we both mutually agreed to what will lead us into the fantasy realm, so we both have a very good understanding between each other. Sometimes, he will deliberately push my buttons to get a punishment because that is what he desires and craves. We have our own codes to initiate the play and usually we delve into the realm only if both are willing and in the mood to be participants.

Well our whole roleplay and fantasy is a premeditated and pre-agreed upon arrangement and that is the only way it should be enacted. Hitting your spouse in anger or screaming at him impulsively are not part of our fantasy realm. It is very carefully planned and well orchestrated so to speak and it is done only when we both have calm and cool heads and the experience is pleasurable and enjoyable for both.

Believe it or not, ever since we got into this lifestyle our relationship has been very good and we have less arguments and bickerings. And the days I punish him, the quality of sex goes up several notches and he will have very passionate sex and be very attentive to my needs in bed Our sex life in general is very stellar and it will make a lot of married couples envious LOL Sex is mostly a mental affair and as long as your mind is satsified with your fantasies meeting reality, the quality of sex is phenomenal and I can perrsonally vouch for that statement. And I do whatever it takes from my side to keep it that way and fulfill his desires and wants in the fantasy realm and enact them. He is very sexually aroused when I prep him for punishment and enact the rituals like when I am telling him off or when I am flexing my cane or taking practice swings with it and swish it in the air. Its the unknown fear and the anticipation which heightens the experience, according to him and he would not want it any other way and he prefers me to be the strict and stern no nonsense dominant woman because in his fantasy, that is the mental iimage he has conjured up and I meet his expectations in reality.

You are right, sex is mutual but mutual part also includes enacting things in bed which turns your partner on and what he or she likes, not just the way you want to do it for your own pleasure and enjoyment. The experience should be cherished and enjoyed by both and in our specific case, we both do.

I hope that explanation will help you understand this better. And no, you are not intruding on my privacy and feel free to ask me any questions you might have and I am very open minded and have a psychological and rational perspective on things. I'll try and help you understand this the best I can.

 

Yes, it is considered a form of foreplay and arousal in the purest sense. We almost always have mind blowing, passionate sex after the punishments In our specific case, yes it does lead up to sex almost always. Does that answer it?

Was that for me or Manaswini?

 

LOL....I think that question was for you Malavika....and thank you for being so open and honest. I have read a little about this before but haven't heard any first hand experiences....I would think that this is very arousing and congrats for having such an open and free relationship with your husband.

 

My life is very good and our marital relationship and sexual relationship is very healthy and good as well.
Well we do explore other mutual fantasies and roleplay scenarios with the same dominant/submissive underpinnings. We try and spice up our sex life with variety and keep it as interesting as possible as physical relationship is a very vital part of a healthy marriage

You are welcome. I am glad you have read about this lifestyle before and have some basic knowledge. I know it is not for every couple out there unless they happen to share mutual fantasies but in our case, it works very well. I personally think all marital relationships should be open and free and there should be no inhibitions or reservations between the couples in communicating their sexual needs and desires to each other without hesitation and reservation. That is the cornerstone of a successful and healthy relationship.

 

Hi,

I just happened to stumble into this thread. Actually, got curious to know this subject with so many replies... Each one of us has a different perscpective about life. I'm sure each one of us tried to relate this topic within themselves. This situation may not be so common but each one of us have varied experiences which we do not always share with others.

Malavika - Appreciate your qualities of being so open and broad minded. From all your replies, we understand that your advice is as good as a professional psychologist, who would try to save not only two people's married /sex life but also help 2 people who love each other to lead better lives. I admire your courage & wisdom to make the right choice, have the right approach and lead a good lifestyle.

I only wish and hope the OP, Laxmi, got this kind of direction of encouraging words at that time when she needed it most. I do pray(not an atheist) for her that she found a good solution and made the right choice.

 

Malavika,

I feel like we've got an expert in you! Thanks for answering all these questions from us curious folks.

Ok, now I don't think I (or hubby) is into the d/s thing or the other one either, because thinking of it doesn't make me feel anything great. But my question to you is, how do you discover these "fantacies" and "fetishes"? Like, is it something you just naturally KNOW you are interested in, or do you look at lists of stuff on the internet and then try it out and THEN realize you like it? I mean, how do these weird desires become known to us? (I dont mean 'weird' in a bad way, just can't think of a better word). Definitely I can think of different positions (or techniques) that are enjoyable due to what me and the hubby have done in the past. But that doesn't seem like a "fantacy" in the way your describing. I'm searching my brain right now and don't see anything fetishy in there. So how does one find their inner fetish?

Also, do you have any tips for getting our husbands to admit their inner desires? Like, just come out and ASK? I mean, I TALK with my dh about sex stuff, but hearing about what you guys do is making me think that maybe my dh hasn't been completely open because we don't do anything like that. And ultimately I want him to feel happy in that department, so I guess I need to introspect on this and figure out if our intimate moments are... ummmm, reaching their full potential.

 

Malvika,

:hatsoff for your detailed explanation and really really appreciate your open mindedness in all this.

Your husband is truly fortunate to have got you because not all can be that accepting of that fantasy as you are. The first time I read your post, honestly speaking I was laughing and found it really absurd and weird but as I got more kind of 'educated' on this by you, I started seeing that as a normal behavior though I never encountered nor even heard of this earlier.
I don't see any such fantasy appealing to me even in the remote corner of my mind but yeah, got to accept the fact there are different kinds of people in this world and not all think and behave like me. Though it is unimaginable to me but it is quite normal for you........so that's what it is.
Pretty much you have answered all my queries....Thanks a lot.

I wish you a happy life.
Sridivya.

 

If you do not mind can you tell what was your first reaction when you came to know about this fantasy of your husband??

In this kind of relationship does your husband also have the same 'right' (if I can use that word) as you have to punish you if you laze around not doing some chores or if you upset/disappoint him.
And how long does it take for you guys to get into real mood for sex after this disciplining session.
Also who initiates sex after this session.

I guess I got too many questions since this is something that called in for all my curiosity. Sorry if you feel I am prying too much.
Please Please answer only if you do not mind otherwise just ignore.

Thanks
Tara