husband's brother marrying his cousin

This is very typical in a love marriage especially in conservative Kerala Iyer Families .I hail from one of them and have Don't worry you are yet to see the worst even after marriage there might still problems when they start comparing your family with theirs .It is very hard for those people to accept a different tradition or family and think they ar ethe best .Your In laws think knowd devil is better that unknown which if you .Nothing wrong in your thinking just take it easy .Things will get better as years pass by .These are minor things and please let it go as long you and your DH are in the same pace nothing else matters . Please don't compare ur self with that family or the girl and even when they do please just ignore and take only the good .

In my case my MIL is very good and broad minded but the relatives around just try to kindle things and were particular of things and traditions and it annoyed me grealt initially .I hail from Palghat Iyer family and MY in laws were Tanjore Iyers and I use to be really annoyed when they even compare the slightest difference and to the extent of differing people to vadamal and Brahacharanam and use to hate that and nowadsy i can laugh out of it .bonk

So take it easy and live happily

 

hummmm... I can understand the frustration you get looking at the easy marraige in the same family. But it seems like you are paying too much attention to the negativity. Almost every one goes through mis understandings during marriages, those mis understanding will go away with time.
My sincere advise for you is to just wish your would be sister-in-law happy life and concentrate on what makes you happy in your own way rather than expecting to see your bil go through same troubles as you guys went through.
Naturally girls coming from same family are favoured to girls coming from outside families. So expect some disparities, but try not to let them effect you personally.
Good luck.

 

Couple of things here.

One is that yours is an inter-community marriage whereas it is not the case with your BIL. Secondly, his bride-to-be is his mother's niece, so naturally, your MIL already shares a bond with her. Matrimonial discussions with her own brother and his wife will naturally be VERY different than the discussions your PILs had with your parents, who I am assuming, were virtual strangers to them at the time.

When you married your husband, you knew you were doing so DESPITE the problems between the families. You didn't bail BECAUSE you were prepared (consciously or unconsciously) to face any and all the issues that would arise with your respective families, post-marriage. And you also knew that he had a brother, so you had to have been aware that there would eventually (and in all probabliity) be another DIL entering the picture at some point of time, and that BIL's marriage MIGHT be arranged or with a girl from the same community, yes? So, why are you feeling threatened now?

And, moreover, how do you think that your fears will help you in the situation? Let me tell you something - it is in the nature of the "beast" for a family with multiple DILs to favor one over the other. As a person, I am sure you don't like ALL of your relatives EQUALLY, although you may not show it openly. It is the same with your PILs.

Let me close by reiterating as your MIL's niece, your co-sister-to-be is probably close to your MIL and as such, WILL be treated differently than you are. Blood IS thicker than water. Is it fair? Not at all. Is it hurtful? Absolutely.

But by feeling hurt and victimized, you won't do anything to actually improve your position in the family. Just be a good DIL and eventually, your in-laws WILL begin to value you as an important member of the family and let you come into your own.

Until then, just be friendly, nice and welcome your BIL's bride with open arms. Who knows? She may even become a valuable ally to you in your marital home.

 

People marry their cousin?

Where I am from your cousin is considered like your bro or sis.

 

As every else has truly pointed out, you were sub consciously aware such things would happen even before marriage, so just face it.

I completely understand that you are feeling bad/insecure about the whole scenario
It is no good to fear about something bad may happen, instead prepare for it.

Given the earlier scenario I presume you have a loveable and understanding husband, count your blessings. By counting your blessings you feel more happier.
Take things as it comes and there is no point feeling bad/ insecure about the whole scenario

Nevertheless don’t shun away from your duty and responsibility of elder daughter in law, your good deeds will always be remembered. Don’t let the situations manipulate your goodness.

 

Dear chla1978,
Congrats for the pregnancy! Your inlaws are biased in their behaviour towards their two dils. Naturally you are hurt and sad to see this. Its ok to have such feelings, we are humans afterall but please let it go for the sake of your health and baby's health. Relax , if you believe in God then have faith that the wrong doers will get their dues sooner or later. Just engage yourself in other activities and take care of your health. You wont gain anything by fretting and going red by looking at your inlaws acts. Whenever you feel sad think about the little baby who is soon going to be in your arm Count your blessings dear.

Btw, I am in a similar situation. My mil is showing special love for my would be co-sis . She is buying more grand and expensive clothes and jewellery for her then she did for me when I got married. Ofcourse I am hurt just like you. I keep repeating to myself what I have adviced you. Sometimes I feel that mil is doing it purposefully to make me jealous or 'show me my place' because I stand up for myself against my inlaw's wrong doings. So I am not in their good books.
I am taking care of my health and trying to keep my sanity intact for the sake of my little baby I am expecting too.

Regards.
Oaktree