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Husband's behaviour after a baby

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Nains, May 4, 2007.

  1. Nains

    Nains New IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,

    I am a new Ilite and like this site very much since it's so interacting!!!

    I have a little problem. My baby is 2 months old now and it seems that after a child is born , both me and my husband are totally different persons...everything is changed drastically...i don't know why I am so sad even after getting such a beautiful gift from GOD.

    Me and my husband fight so much...i feel we don't love each other anymore :cry:
    we were so much in love just few months back..now nothing!! we used to go to the party's, movies...now he doesn't want me to go out with him..the whole day m at home taking care of the baby..don't i need to meet other people?

    Please help.
    bye

    Nains
     
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  2. radhavenkatesh

    radhavenkatesh Silver IL'ite

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    entry of a third person into ur intimate shell definetly would take time , patience and distance between husband and wife.
    All day ur with ur child and end of the day ur husband feels ur always with the child and neglecting him but both of u should understand tht child has no voice he is v vulnerable and needs most attention than all your personal reasons
    maybe u shd ask ur husband to help u wht childrens chores more like just changing his nappy or cleaning him once a while when u are doing someother work this makes the husband attached to the child also and u wil have some personal free time .
    dont fret my dear friend things will be ok it happens in everyones life and for the first child.
    u should not neglect few things like taking personal care of ur appearance and sit in the home without grooming urslf gloomy and dull
    child is a boon come on take spirit
    see just imagine in olden days mothers use to be married whn they were 13 -15 yrs old with children in joint families how did they manage all these things
    few sacrifices need to be made on either side and both the spouses shd be ready to make them just sit and discuss if both of u were prepared for the child and have welcomed the child properly if not atleast now try to buck up and its going to be just few more months b4 things wud get normal.

    tc and best wishes for the mothers day i.e may 14.
     
  3. Lavanya

    Lavanya Bronze IL'ite

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    Remember that "this too shall pass". Pregnancy changes a woman's body so much with sudden lowering of some hormones while a surge in others. This can affect the way new moms react to familiar scenarios. It makes them more emotional & tired & moreover taking care of a baby is full time work unlike a 9-5 job. It drains moms physically & emotionally. Since your spouse did not go through the same physical or emotional changes it will be very challenging for them to understand what you are currently going through. Having said that doesn't mean that you should endure pain.
    Try to find good friends or extended family to baby sit for a few hours while both of you go to a movie or play or do something fun. It may just be a couple hours but it will definitely rejenuvate both of your spirits. Also take time off to pamper yourself & don't feel guilty about it.
    I know moms who did not go to a movie/play/out for 3-4 yrs until they could send their baby to preschool. That just wears you out. Moms are humans too, so understand that you are going to be more emotional now & take extra steps to feel better. Get books from library or go to parks or get a girls night out... jus do whatever it takes to put that smile back on your face. That'll bring your hubby close to you once again.
    L.
     
  4. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello,
    It might a baby blues which you both are facing.
    Try to keep calm else it might lead to problems.


    Take care,
    Punitha
     
  5. Zeenat

    Zeenat Silver IL'ite

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    hi nains,
    i had gone thru the same thg some mths back.my little one is 10mths old.it took 7 mths for us to come back to the same romantic phase which v had b4 the baby.c 1st ur hubby meant the whole world to u.u had all d time on earth to spend with him.now in ur world thers a new person.u both r very happy....but ur attention has been diveded.the husband who once upon a time used 2 get 1st preference,now gets 2nd preference.he starts feeling left out.suppose if u r serving food 2 ur hubby and ur baby cries same time .....to whom will u go 1st?...ofcourse baby...but husbands dont undstd ths mother baby bond.v have to tell them.keep telling him the baby reminds u of him when he is not arround.tell u miss him and now dat baby has come u miss him more coz its the symbol of ur love.tell him now u have to take care of 2 babies and the bigger baby needs u more than the small one.talk to him about all the gud times u had 2gether.tell him the baby knows ur heartbeat as well as his.make him feel that the baby loves daddy alot.u goahead and confess to him that u love him,want to be with him,talk to him,go out with him....but u cant do all this coz one small life is totally dependant on u.say u r proud of beiing a mom and that u will feel more proud to go for a walk with him along with the baby.b4 he tells u that u r not gvg him time,u tell 'sorry i do love u very much,but may be actions dont say.please dont get me worng'.
    u both have to work towards it.the best thg is to talk out nicely make him feel he is everythg to u now also.c by actions u cant, do it atleast by words.he too needs u very much.its u a bon between hubby and baby....try to make him a bond between u and ur baby.....then thgs will slowly come on track.

    all my wihes and gud luck to u.

    regards,
    zeenat rizvi :wink:
     
  6. Nains

    Nains New IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thank you so much for your replies:goodidea: . M feeling better now and it was nice to know that i am not the only one going thru this phase.:2thumbsup:

    Thanks once again.

    Take Care
    Nains:wave
     
  7. ayeshanaaz

    ayeshanaaz Junior IL'ite

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    Dear Zeenat,

    Indeed Your reply was so warm and so realistic. I am a mom with a 4 month baby facing a similar proble. with the practical assurance of love towards my hubby(off course your guidelines) I have noticed an overwhelming change in my husbands behaviour. Now he loves me more than I could expect. THANK U ZEENAT.

    I would like to chat with u . just gve me mail at ayesha2701@yahoo.com.

    Love
    Ayesha



     
  8. Zeenat

    Zeenat Silver IL'ite

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    hi ayeshanaaz,
    i am really very very glad that things have become better between u and ur husband.i didnt think that my experience regarding problems after baby wud in future help me to solve other peoples problems.im happy for u and ur husband that the LOVE :2thumbsup: has come back into ur lives.i pray it always remains (aameen) and keeps multipying.

    ive realised one thing after giving birth......ie we women have all the possible strength to face anythg that comes our way.we can face any kind of physical as well as mental pain.women have the strongest will power and if determind can do anythg to get things working in her own way.we have to make our husbands realise v r a boon,a blessing for them.

    one more imp thg pleasedont gv out ur mail id.if u want u can ask thru PM (private message).wud definetly like to have a chat wiht u.i will let u know when i add u in my messnger list.

    till then u take care....may ur hubby loves u more and more.....
    love to ur baby.

    keep in touch.
    bye :wave

    regrads,
    zeenat rizvi.
     

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