Husband wont send me to India-Torchur

Hi

Saw that no one has responded. But my suggestion: Try speaking to him when he is in a good mood. Tell him you understand the responsibility and hard work he is putting for the family and you will do your part.

Do you have some good family friends, you should let them know this, sometimes it works.

Next you can ask your people (parents or brother) to speak to him and request him to send you and the children.

Last but not the least you have to take help of social organisation (Indian) to help you out of this.

Also one more idea, tell him you will do some tailoring course or something like that for 6 months in India and come back and be a help by doing tailoring for neighbourhood. I have heard in abroad you can earn quite well. This way he will realise that you also want to be a part of the financial burden of the family.

I don't think anyone in this world has a right to run the life of another individual. Dont leave your children and go it is not good.

Be bold, firm, polite and focussed.

don't get impatient and tensed, as this will not help.

Hope you Wishes come true.

Good Luck.

 

Firstly, its never a good idea to involve the parents in your marriage like this and especially so, in financial issues.

Do you have a realistic sense of how your family is doing financially? If what he's saying is true and your family cannot afford to do it, its not really wise to ask your parents to chip in like this. Either way, its never a good idea when one spouse does not support the decision about getting financial help from someone outside your family.

Secondly, don't just take the child and leave for India. If things turn bad in the future, you're going to be labeled as the parent who "took the kids and left..." You can't do that unless both parents agree to it.

Why can't you invite your parents over instead?

 

Dear thozhi4u, Mulan and Vidya

I am moving this to the relationship forum as it belongs there and might fetch more response there.

Thanks
Gayathri.

 

Whatever may be the case you both didn't have good relationship.
That's why he worried that you won't come back and he is thinking the way you would come back to US by keeping one of the kid here.

May be it would be good,leave your daugther here and he need to make arrangements to take care of her and you go with son that way you both get some break and that way may be things get improve.

More than a India trip,you need to establish good environment in your home and you need to love your husband more than his weeksness.

Beucase he knew you don't like him ,that's why he is giving you hard time.
I know you won't have energy with small kids at home.Since you wanted to visit India badly then agree to your husband and you may relaise how hard to take care of a kids and don't worry how he is going to take care of your daughter.

How does he behaves with the kids and does he helps you in the home?

 

If you are having normal relationship then it's extreme your husband not allowing you to india.

So he doesn't visit his parents too right?When was the last time you visisted India?If I were in your shoes,I would leave 2 kids with father and visit my parents.

I don't know his worries?
Is he worried about the money or ????
Or does he not stay alone without you???

If his main worry is about the money,since your brother going to arrange the ticket then leave the kids and visit India.I am not sure how he is going to manage 2 kids?Even if he hire nany,with that nanny cost he could send kids to India with you right.

Anyhow it's his issue.Or does he worry that you won't come back.I am not sure what insecurity he had in mind though.Good think you are not feeling with your relationship and that's good thing.

May be you are not aware of,you might have some phycological issues.

Because my BIL never sent my co-sister to her parents house.He simply can't.You need to understand the real issue.

 

What you have mentioned does not come close to a good relationship,he saying he will not allow you, you feeling caged, he saying he will file a complaint and not allow you to return back, all this is not signs of healthy relationship

If he has money issues he would still try to send you somehow if he is good husband like you borrowing money from your father he repaying it back or he trying to do something else, to go to India how much is that one needs in air fare ? again one can buy a one way ticket to divide the cost over some months, I dont think it is money issue, it is more of his dominant personality .

You are nice and hence you are justifying his actions, but if you see as an outsiders, this is not a healthy set up...

 

I completely agree with tridev. You are failing to see his personality. There is more to this that what you state,I feel. He may be having some other reason in mind or the relationship between the two of you is completely lacking in terms of trust and understanding.

Talk to him once more. Put your plans in place and tell him your plans.I would say,just go ahead with your tickets. Since you already have your GC,legally,nothing should stop you from returning. Tell your husband that tickets are booked for whatever date and leave. He is just controlling you. I think we should not be controlling spouses on when to visit family/talk to family.

Let us know how things progress.