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Husband not getting close - Can you suggest?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sannidhi, Jul 29, 2007.

  1. sannidhi

    sannidhi New IL'ite

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    My husband is keeping himself busy all the time-both during weekdays&weekends ,so has very little time to spend with me, Iam feeling lonely all the time.Most of the activities are of timepass

    Eventhough I have my own activities,career-enough to engage myself I feel to spend quality time with him, as I feel it won't be a good marrige if we don't find time for our selves.

    Any body sailing through the same boat? please give me some suggestions as Iam getting very much depressed.Do most of the men behave like this?
     
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  2. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    Re: Can you suggest?

    Me in the same boat as you, my hubby hardly spends time with me, I mean he is physically there but emotionally somewhere else. He always keeps browsing, watching TV, or going out with friends, I never ever get quality time with him

    I had posted this before and i am still trying to figure out the best way to get close to him physically and emotionally
     
  3. piu

    piu New IL'ite

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    Re: Can you suggest?

    what to say I've the same problem.passing my time with browsing,taking care of my child and read novels in bedtime.we don't sleep together in same time because he have no time for me and my child.he always chatting with others in internet.
    sometimes it is very difficult to tolerate.I feel too bad to cry. then I go there have a sit in his lap for some minutes and come back.
    :cry:
     
  4. Shobanag

    Shobanag Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Can you suggest?

    How about you plan an outing - maybe a picnic on a weekend. That way you will get him out of the house and have some time together as a family. Take some cards for you both to play. If you children are young enough, after they eat, he/she can take a nap while you guys catch up and play cards. Another thing you can do is to plan a special meal and sit together as a family to eat - possibly include them in atleast giving you a menu - I know most men hate to be asked what they want for dinner - you probably know what he likes the most - so plan a dinner around his favorite meal. How about renting a movie and watching it together - with popcorn and other snacks. These are some of my suggestions... I am sure you will hear from other IL's.

    Shobana
     
  5. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    Re: Can you suggest?

    The problem is not so much about time, I mean we do get time together, its just that my hubby is more interested in other things (like internet, TV, friends)

    We do go out and have fun, but it feels like i am his friend and not his wife.....that emotional closeness and attachment is missing for some reason and i cant find a way to re-kindle that flame
     
  6. Shobanag

    Shobanag Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Can you suggest?

    Have you addressed this with your husband? Maybe you can do something with him that interests him - what does he like to do when he goes out? does he like hanging with his guy friends and watch sports? See if you can develop some interest in something he likes (may be you have already tried this?). I can see that this will become a problem if you are not able to connect with your spouse emotionally. Not sure what I can tell you - anyone else resolved a similar issue?

    Shobana
     
  7. anupama

    anupama New IL'ite

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    i guess many husband hav this attitude they hav a world for themselves but definetly needs wife to be with them when required..

    its better to address this directly to ur husband.. i personally feel talking straight will bring good solutions..

    make him understand the time he invests with the family now is what he will gain at his old age..

    when ever i fight with my husband or there is some misunderstanding or when i feel very nice about him i write a ellobarate mail to him.. and make sure not to expect n e reply.. :yes:but i hav always seen the reply as change in his attitude..

    u can make sure to tell him if he is not spending quality time with children and u he can definetly not expect the same when he actually needs u ..

    also we can do some change in ourselves like if he is watching cricket sit with him and get involved, if he is chatting sit with him and get to know his friends..
    Hope u will find it useful , cheerup
    regards,
    Anupama
     
  8. MeenLoch

    MeenLoch Silver IL'ite

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    Interesting thread.I face the same problem.
    He loves keyboard, I love carnatic music, he watches cricket/ mahabharata, i prefer business news.
    He likes outing, I am lazy. We dont share much in common.
    I too feel both are busy with our own activities.

    Movie is a great idea, so are games or some new untried adventure is also nice..
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Why dont you try playing carnatic music on his keyboard or make him play the tunes for your songs. that is really engaging (My daughter learns both and we have this engaging thing on weekends)

    It is a marriage. yes no two persons have the same preferences.it is by meeting halfway you can make it wonderful
    one week u can go for a outing. the other laze,relax at home.
    u can usually read or engage with something when he is watching or u can develop a liking slowly (afterall if u have kids the stories from mahabaratha will be really useful:mrgreen:)
     
  10. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sannidhi,

    After the initial marriage (honeymoon/lovey dovey) period is over Men tend to get back to their routine life, without understanding their behaviour is hurting :-( their partner.

    For women, just as eating, sleeping, working, etc is a part of daily routine life, so also a loving gesture or a warm hug, seems to work in the same way, which men do not understand:bangcomp: . A frank talk in this matter is better

    Sometimes, saying that 'we should rethink our marriage' gives husband a jerk/jolt and they wonder what made their wife think about seperation. They start giving more attention and life gets back on track.

    However this shouldnt be applied, where there are too much arguements and fights over small small matters, cos tired of the tension, husband might too think of seperation.

    All the best :2thumbsup:

    Diana
     

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