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Husband left me and went

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by suneethaachanti, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi.
    I definetely agree with others.

    I see you really want to save the marriage as you are still willing to forgive and live with him even after seeing how badly he's treating you but he doesn't deserve you dear.

    You decided to marry him even when your parents were not happy about it. He knew you are from different culture and obviously he can't expect that you change to his culture 100%.

    Now that he's stuck with an infactuation with another girl at his office, he comes up with all sort of nonsense and puts the blame on you. He doesn't appreciate you. He doesn't respect you. You sure you will be happy with him if he decides to come back to you? And how sure can you be that he won't repeat it with the same or different girls in future? Are you prepared to live feeling insecured all the time?

    Thank God you have no kids yet (I believe so from your post). You are educated and financially secured. You don't have to beg him for love dear. You are still young. I personally feel you shouldn't waste your time and youth with him then later realize it's best to leave him.

    Like Sri Vidya mentioned just call up the cell woman and let him undergo hell for the torture you went through. Then say you want to divorce him even if he begs you falling on your feet.

    I know the pain you would suffer going through a divorce and living away from someone whom you have loved with all your heart. But he's just not worth it. The whole process will be difficult, very difficult but you will over come it and feel proud of yourself.

    May God give you all the strength you need.
     
  2. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Hi Onam Thanks for your reply.

    I informed to my inlaws and BIL's about all these things. I have sent his telephone bills also. His telephone bill for one month is 28 pages and has some 2600 msgs continuously to that girl till midnight 2 and all odd time calls. Even after seeing all this they are still suppoting his son and started spreading roumers about me it seems. They are going for vacations trips with him even in this situation where i m not able to even sleep properly. We have also booked a flat which is due for registration now. It is booked in joint name and loan in also jointly took. Now he says he will sell that house and all my savings are kept in that only.

    Even with out any savings i can still survive with my qualification but i m not able to digest the fact that i have been cheated so badly in life.
     
  3. littlelost

    littlelost Senior IL'ite

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    The previous posters said it all. There is no point in you trying to make this work alone--if he does not want to make it work--there is not much you can do, right? I believe in the same principles you do--I gave up my job, my friends, everything to be with my H. He was beating me, and I still wanted to be with him, to make my marriage work and I loved him so much. It took me 5 years to realize that he did not have the same values about marriage as I did. He just did not care enough to make it work. So, we are not together anymore.

    We cannot make the other person want to be with us, or want to be in the marriage--it is a choice. He has messed up his own life and yours and it not your fault. Even if he comes back to you, would you completely trust him again?

    It is not easy, but think of the rest of your life. Do you really want to be spending a lifetime trying to please this person who obviously does not deserve you? You are educated, come off to me as a very sensible strong person, you are already supporting yourself. So, no have no fear. I know its the emotional side of a divorce that is more scarier. Trust yourself that you will be fine, you have people to support you, your family, your friends and you will be fine.

    Take care
     
  4. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Suneetha,
    Life has dealt you a bad card. Its good that your H showed his true colors so soon.
    His parents and family will always side with him even if he is wrong, they will never support you. Hope your family is supporting you.
    Since he wants a divorce let him proceed with it. He is right that a divorce can be granted if the couple stays apart for 1 or 2 years. He will say that my wife does not want to live with me. Why not pay him a visit to see what he is up to?? Do you know the girl ? You can meet her and find out what he is up to.
    Since the flat is in joint names he needs your sign to sell it .You must see a lawyer who will do the needful.
    Now be practical , even if he comes back to you , he may continue having affairs all his life. Will you able to handle it ? I doubt it.
    Why not safeguard your finances and let him lead his miserable life.
    There is no point in trying to prove anything, you are earning, well qualified ,God will definitely send a good man who will appreciate you.
    Stop begging him to return , why degrade yourself for someone who is unworthy ?
    You can Google to know about your rights, your husband may ask for a mutual divorce which you can contest and say no. Then he may say mutual incompatibility, the case can drag on for years.
    Think about it. Let him take the next step. If you visit him then he cant go for divorce based on 1 year separation.
     
  5. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Hi thank you somuch for your reply. It is of great help for me.
     
  6. grihasta

    grihasta New IL'ite

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    Since you and your husband have signed the papers jointly, you will also need to sign it. However, to be on the safer side, contact a lawyer immediately. Also inform the builder/seller that they should not proceed with any instructions from your husband, and that all instructions should be in writing and have both your signatures. inform them that otherwise, you will drag them to court( to prevent your husband from cancelling the sale etc). Also talk to a good lawyer as soon as possible.

    Even if your husband stays away from you for more than an year, he can't get a divorce easily. He can't invoke the irrevocable marriage breakdown by mutual consent clause as you haven't agreed for it. You can fight it out in the court and the judge can deny the divorce petition.

    However, you have to decide whether you want to force your husband to live with you, and whether such a marriage will bring joy and happiness to either of you. Ultimately, you have to decide on your own happiness and peace of mind. If you think you can win him back, then good luck to you! Hope you will come out of this ordeal without suffering too much!
     
  7. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Thank you somuch for your reply.
     
  8. lakvishy

    lakvishy Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Suneeta,

    I actually consider you lucky that you do not have any kids out of this marriage.

    Agreed you did have love marriage, but this guy showed his true colours after the marriage. So it definitely is a blow to you. But why do you want to sell yourself short ? Why do you want to live a married life with such sort of a creep.

    You are quite well educated, very capable of looking yourself. Get in touch with your parents. They will definetely support you to come out of this mess.

    My sincere advise, do not sacrifice your self respect and at no cost, go back to this marriage. If so, it will boomerang on you big time.

    My prayers will be with you, to get yourself back to your feet ! Do not ditch yourself, when your OWN SUPPORT is much needed for YOU.

    Good luck !
     
  9. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Thank you somuch dear.
     
  10. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Suneetha,

    The above are perfectly said words. Whatever has happened is NONE of your fault. Hence, you should not feel guilty at all. As the above ILite said, it is certainly a blow to you. As she said, do not sacrifice your self-respect .......and do not beg him to accept you. Then, for the rest of life, you will have to sit and silently suffer a life with total loss of resect.

    May be ........after some time / few months/ few years............if (by chance) his affair with that girl fails..............and if (and only if) he realises his mistake...............and he comes back to you, on his own...........and understands his betrayal on you................and if (and only if) he sincerely apologises you..........then, you may consider, going back to live with him.

    I repeat, the words, "you may consider going back to live with him"......(even if, he comes back to you, after ending that affair).

    At this stage, going to him, will surely make you land up in a permanent mess. :)
     

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