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Husband left me and went

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by suneethaachanti, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    I m 31 years old married for 3 years. Ours is a love marriage we are from two different states. Initially my family didnt accept the marriage but after that they are fine with it.

    My hubby was very caring and loving and i never had any doubts on him. i was having blind trust on him.

    Six months back i suddently realised that he spends somuch time on phone messaging some one. One message i saw from his jr girl in office saying she is all alone at home no one is thr to take care and all. i tried to see the sent messages in his phone but all are deleted. then i fought with him he said she is kid and there is nothing like that. After that one day i cought him talkin to her midnight 3 from balcony thinking that i m sleeping. I stood behind him for 45 mins but he didnt realise that. After that he saw me and told its non of ur business i dont need to tell u anything. Do wat ever u want to do.

    He stopped talking to me and kept passcode for his phone so that i cant open that. He kept on talking to her or msg. After that i went to my home town and by the time i came back he started staying with his bro and told me that he dont want to live with me.

    I begged him that i cant live with out him as i love him somuch. But he didnt listen to me and transferred his job to some other place and its been 5 months that he is away. If i call for some 10 times he picks my call once and replys very rude saying that he dont want to talk to me.

    He told to his parents that i m not following his culture and tradition so he is not getting any feelings on me.

    I am a chartered accountant with 5 years post qualification experience. Still i never show off all that and always homely. He dont like me wearing jeans which i never wear. Still he went and created roumers on me saying that i m not family oriented and all. I prefer to cook for him and even used to pack his lunch. I used to take care of him somuch. I never let him go to office with out break fast.


    Now he says if he stays for one years away from me he gets divorce. he dont need my concent.

    Can any one tell me the legal rights for a wife?

    I really dont want to divorce him in any case. I believe in marriage and never want to break up. I cant think of any other person in my life.


    Can you all please suggest me on this?
     
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  2. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    You need to consult an attorney for your legal rights, if he does not want to stay married to you there is nothing you can do.How much ever we like to believe and stay married sometimes it is better to get divorced.
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    YOU believe in marriage. YOU believe in making things work. YOU want to save the realationship.

    ... but does he?

    It doesn't look like it. See the sad part about relationships is, it takes two people to make it successful, but only one person to break things up and send the other person through hell.

    You seem to be a very level headed and sincere person. Even after knowing he is cheating you with that other girl, you are still wanting to make the marriage work. That shows how strong your values are for marriage. I can understand that, because even I feel that way about marriage. But the problem is if he is not feeling that way, you can't save this relationship on your own.

    If he had a heart, he wouldn't have broken yours by carrying on with his female coworker. If he had ANY morals, he wouldn't have blamed you for the seperation when it's obviously his fault. If he valued marriage like you do, he would have admitted his errors and discussed with you how to get back together and save the marriage. But he is not interested in any of that! You can't save this relationship on your own without his consent. If he refuses to cooperate, then the relationship is over. I know that doesn't seem fair, but that's the risk of a relationship. The other person may betray your trust and run away from his responsibilities.

    I think you should ask him why he did this, and whether he is interested in saving the marriage. You could tell him that you don't want to get divorced and would like to try and work things out. But if he says NO, you can't force him to do the right thing. If he wants to be a jerk, then he will be a jerk, and there is nothing you can do to stop him.

    Good luck.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Call womens protection cell!!! TEll them what ever has happened so far!! beleive me one of my friends BIL did the same exact thing what your husband has done, and now he is in big time trouble as womens cell and private orgs are tracking him down and he has no wehre to go...and came to his wife to talk and go for counselling etc.

    Remember this...even if this guy comes and lives with you, I would suggest its not safe for you....reason..this guy is not trust worthy!!what will you gain by living with such a man think about it

    Its really pitiful to see you talking about how you dont want divorce etc...and this guy sounds like a crappy fool. are you sure by living with him you can trust him and he will take care of you all your life? and that you can have kids with this nasty guy who will just leave you anytime???

    to top it he blames you that you are not following his culture and traditions???:bonkseems like to impress hsi parents and take them into confidence this is the only thing that will work..AS I see that most of the men, who are on the verge of divorce give the same reasons....she doesnt respect my parents/siblings, she doesnt respect me or my culture, she doesnt follow what I say etc.....

    After the way he is talking....what is the point in you wanting to live with him I dont get it really:hide:
     
  5. sangeethakripa

    sangeethakripa Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sunitha

    I am sorry for what has happened for you. I too agree with "asuitable girl's" reply. You cannot work out a marriage life without mutual cooperation. You seem to be a very nice person.. So it is his bad luck that he is missing you..

    One of my close friend came across the same situation as yours after 12 years of married life. Such men are not trustworthy. Even if you try to convince him now and if this repeats or if he cheats you unknowingly, think about it.

    My suggestion is not to plead or beg for your life from someone who has cheated you.. It should bloom based on mutual love,care and trust. Kindly consult a lawyer based on your stand on this issue.

    Wish you Good Luck


    Regards
    Sangee
     
  6. Rebirth

    Rebirth New IL'ite

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    Come out and find another life! Let him live with his bro or with his gay friend.
     
  7. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your reply.

    I am really not able to forget him and undergoing mental taurture from last 6 months. Its not that i m depending on him financially. I have good qualification to take care of myself with a decent lifestyle. I m only managing myself entire house exp like house rent etc., he is not bearing anything.

    But i m too emotional due to which i m not able to forget wat ever is happening.
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Who is telling you to forget? Nobody is expecting you to be a robot and forget the person you married just like that. Whatever pain or dissapointment you are feeling right now is totally normal and it's your full right to feel sad about what is happening. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself cry. Don't take any hasty decisions. Right now you are in shock that this is happening to you.

    The only thing is, you should mentally come to terms with the fact that if HE decides to end the marriage, he can. And he might. Until then, try to contact him and see if he is interested in being in a relationship with you. If not, then at least accept that this situation, this problem, this injustice, is out of your hands and you CANNOT beat yourself up over it. Yes of course you will feel sad and heart broken! There is nothing wrong in that. If I were in your shoes I would be in pieces. But don't let it ruin your life. You are such a nice person and you are so accomplished in your career. You must have friends, parents, maybe a sibling or two... they must love you a lot. You are not the failure here. HE IS.
     
  9. suneethaachanti

    suneethaachanti New IL'ite

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    Thank you somuch for your reply. I will try to implement your suggestion.
     
  10. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Suneetha,

    He was caught red hand thats why he is screaming at you. He is now scared and its his ego which is not allowing him to admit to you. Point he wont live with you.

    Why didnt you informed your PILs about the incidence before he calls and tells different stories to them!!! whatever, they will support their son to keep the pride of family.

    As said by all, he dont deserve you atall.

    This is the phase of emotions which you are facing. This will pass away, after sometime you will realise the fact. And surely you will come out of this crapy life.

    It is good for your life if you dont stay in this marriage. Even if you reconcile with him now. He will take you for granted and commite same mistake at the back of you. And next time he will be smart enough to hide from you completly.

    Since he has decided to divorce you, just give him dose of what does divorce mean to you. You are going through so much pain, why you want to leave him in peace. As srividya's friend did just call women cell and see how he begs to you.

    But take Ilites view here on your marriage " He dont deserve you and better to stay out of this marriage"

    After a while you can marry a person who is good husband, who will respect your qualification, rather show-off that his wife is so well educated, will give you the freedom choice (clothes, thoughts...) and of course he will be loving, caring and sincere in the marriage.
     

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