Husband Is Very Short Tempered

Stop going out with him till he promises to change.

What is your reaction when you come back home?

Have you ever firmly told him to stop when he misbehaves in public ,in front of those very same people..?

 

To be honest when we urge posters like OP to confront a man who has little self control; i worry that he may react violently when challenged. And it can end badly.

But i support the other idea you proposed - that the OP can quietly change the dynamic by no longer going out with her husband. Or she could go to a party alone. If she is questioned she could explain in a calm, unemotional, matter of fact manner that she is unable to take the humiliation of being shouted at by him in public. The point being made here, tactfully, is that SHE (not he) has a problem on her hands and she is doing something about it, rather than blame him explicitly & demand that he change. It also implies (and OP could say so as much) that they could go out together if she will not be yelled at or humiliated in public.

This would drive the point home clearly without it breaking into an explosive fight.

 

Agree.


Sometimes such guys are bullies who get their highs from acting like the boss in public. If confronted once....They lose face and confidence.They can no longer bank on the silent cooperation of the victim to make them look like boss.They fear losing face.

It need not be confrontation....Just a long stare or a dismissive shake of the head in public .

 

You say he is good except he is short tempered . But the fact that he is publicly humiliating you and your kid shows that yours is not an equal relationship, there is an imbalance in power . He wants to show he is the boss and that he has power over you and your kid . This is not short temper problem , as it happens only when others are around . Why some people are controlling and manipulative that way is something I can't understand . but I feel that if you are unhappy with a situation that you should vent out .

Next time your husband displays this behaviour stage a walk out . Simply don't utter a word , take your purse and kid and leave. Don't talk to him for days until he apoligizes for his behaviour . Create drama , cook bad food , ignore him, make his life difficult . Next time he thinks of yelling at you , he will remember all the incoviniebce caused and will think twice before doing it.

 

Shouting at the wife, IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS , is an act of ultimate disrespect.

 

OP, You need to discuss this issue with your dh and tell him very clearly that you cannot tolerate this kind of behavior anymore. How does he feel if you do the same to him? Tell him that you are very much insulted by this behavior. It is like treating you like a doormat in front of others. Also inform him that others are making fun of him for this nature.
Next time when you plan to go out tell him in advance about the humiliation you suffered and warn him not to repeat this behavior again. Tell him that if he do it again you will walk out of the party and later dont blame you for that as you have given advance warning. Do the same like others mentioned above. Don't entertain that type of behavior in anyway. Give a silent treatment. If he is not ready to change, stop going to that type of occasions... He will learn it slowly. Give respect first, then only take respect.

 

Does he acknowledge he has a problem or not? The change has to come from him, otherwise it is useless. He can try looking at an anger management class where they can teach him how to control his temper so he does not behave so irrationally. If he is not willing to make the change, then you just need to continue to attend events without him so that you still have a support system of outside friends and family. Don't let yourself get isolated.

 

This post brings back bad memories from a year ago.

It reminds me of a couple with whom we used to spend time with. I did not quite like how the husband used to treat his wife, but then it was something that they should talk and resolve themselves. But it so happened that the husband started speaking nonsense in a higher voice disrespectfully with me 1-2 times, in front of my DH. We let it go just because we did not want to start an argument with someone whom we dont even have to meet everyday. But he once refused to give up. All his nonsense, which once used to be directed towards his wife, was then directed towards me, for no reason. Probably because I kept quiet when he did so in the past.

Thats when I shouted back at him. I showed him his place and made him understand that he is a no-one in my life and it would be better for him if he stays within his limits.

So, OP, whatever you do, your husband has to learn for himself how to behave in public. If not you, someone else will give it back to him. The sooner he starts respecting everyone, the better. Or else, he might have to learn it the hard way (someday infront of a bigger crowd which would proabably cause more embarassment to him).