Husband Idiots!

well a super topic to discuss on...i have all the freedom to decide on things and on imp matters its a collective decision..well do u knw what??even if husband's are ready to give the freedom to us..u knw what they are called by our near n dear ones..especially in laws..they say tht the husbands are hen-pecked...well we dun bother and just go about our way of doing things.....even if the husbands have a will to share things with us..the ppl arnd him change their minds....so most of them do becum idiots at the end.....

lov
sowmi

 

:rotflThese incidents remind me of my dad!!!

 

Hi Dear All,

I find this topic really interesting and think that I can put some of my thinking.
I feel this problem arise in homes where a child (who is now a husband or a daughter who is now a wife) has never seen discussion between his parents on family matters. The effect/impression about a relation which comes to us when we were child lasts long. If we will see our parents discussing every vital thing or giving respect to each others thinking in spite of gender, we will start behaving that way automatically. But in a Patriacal Indian home where a father RULES, a son will get an instinct to rule over his wife.
So, in this scenario we can't simply blame our husbands for this behaviour but rather we should see the root cause of it and try to solve the problem.
Like Varloo said that she has informed her Hubby about the water leak or tire change but he didn't followed her instruction. She did her part partially here, because I see that she had already foresaw the troubles connected with these leak/tire problem. So, here she could have added one more line like "I can feel the blah.blah....... dangers associated with this problem, so kindly take quick action before any actual accident happens" while informing her hubby about the problems.
At first your hubby may ignore your warnings but when he will face the consequences, the next time he will definitely look for your suggestions.
Also, men are somewhat adamant, it was the evolution who made him like that, we can't blame them rather we can try to put our thoughts tactically.
Just think of our great great................grandfather ADAM, who could not resist himself to our great great...........granny EVE's pleading to bring the apple in a lovely way, so who were our hubby's, I am sure if things can be presented well, anybody will going to listen.
Probably, I am little away from the original topic, but I tried to think abt the reason behind these kind of attitude of our hubbies.

Thanks to all.
:wave
Meeta

 

Hi,

Good thread and interesting reactions.

I do agree to what Meeta said the upbringing and surrounding do have an influence but not always.

At my in-laws place till my husband's grand mother was there all the decisions were taken by her and the sons...i don't think the daughter in laws had much to say.

Mine is an arranged marriage. So when we were meeting before marriage(we met 3-4 times before giving our consent) my husband said that i don't want a door mat and my wife should be capable enough to take decisions. This was very contradictory to what he had seen since childhood. Even today 13 years after marriage we take most of the decisions mutually sometimes we do individually too, but we respect each others decision as each has their own view point while doing so.

I think now the trend is changing. Also i have seen that when the daily help is away for a few days it becomes difficult for me to handle the entire housework alone...here i get the help of my husband and my FIL (who is a doctor) to do the chorus around the house whenever they find time.

But there are a few people who tell that my husband is a joru ka ghulam. I tell my husband that i help you in your business so you have to help me in mine
which is a rare case. An advantage of being in India is you can get domestic help so a lot of your work load is taken over by them.

Roopa.

 

Interesting topic - I basically think that for some reason Indian women feel they need to get their husband's approval and acceptance - why? I will definitely consult my husband and he consults me but there is a limit when it enroaches on one's individuality. As much progress as we have made in the last few years, some things do not change. I have hope for the future generation of women...:2thumbsup:

 

Hello All
I am new to IL and just stumbled here today. I have been married 23+ years and I know I have a wonderful person as my husband . I have never had this situation that you all describe. we both have always consulted each other and he never does anything without telling eme first and me likewise. but we are happy and loving to each other and are each others friends. I think if someone is married for a long time they really should be in a wonderful place in life and rejoice each others company and be grateful to God that we have each other.
I feel the post title shoud have been Wife Idiots. I know women have a lot of power and should be smart enough to handle a plumbing job or eyebrow job etc. (No offense to anyone)
This is just my 2 cents worth.
regards
chitra:tongue

 

I agree with points brought up in the previous replies. The mental block of 'obey your husband, else you are considered arrogant' is imbibed in us since childhood. When children dont see their own parents or other near family members openly discuss matters ,they wont know how to react when they married.
I know a few women who follow their husbands word to the T. They are all educated and some even working! My husband says I cant get added to his credit card b'coz I dont have SSN. What an excuse her hubby used. She had the time in the world to chat with friends online, but not look up the rules on the credit card website for the criteria to add herself!

Another was went a step further. She is working but not her own checknig account for direct depositing her salary. Her husband said bank will charge her extra! Worse! He took out all the money from that account and reduced it to a 2-digit figure just before she left for India. All she did was cry it out to her friend. She is capable of managing work and people at office, what happens when she faces her hubby. Some are plain fools and blame men for their sufferings.

But Vani Ganapathy's situation is ENTIRELY different. A baby is not an unfinished home project to go ahead and deal with it alone. Both should want the baby as its both their responsibility. Her husband was a jerk, only physically grown up but not mentally mature enough to have the courage of taking the responsibilities of a father. Unfortunately she had to suffer before she said good-bye.

I myself have an overgrown baby. We live in a newly constructed house(wood house), the water filter in the garage is leaking damaging the wall. I have reminded him enough times to look into it as he does not like me to get it fixed. He didnt care and I left it. Now the vaccumm cleaner and lawn trimmer both got spoilt due to water accumulation in them. He went ahead and brought new ones! I know he will be ready to spend when he wants to sell the house or the wall collapses. His choice.

To all those women, dont blindly accept what your friends, husbands, colleagues, neighbors or parents tell you. Get the details from the right source.

For household related stuff, just follow Varloo's example - "Taste your own medicine"

 

I have noticed, that women who was very independent before marriage becomes so dependent after....why????? Why do they have to follow thier husbands blindly...to the extent of them being taken for a ride.

We have a saying in hindi..."khud hi apne pairon pe kulhadi marna" is what many of them are doing by blindly following what is put in front of them and then later they regret.