I'm married for 10 years and I'm posting here for the firstish time. MY husband and I loved each other dearly, we got married and still loved each other until 1 year back. I gave birth to my son 11 months back and I had serious life threatening surgery 2 weeks after he was born. I was in the cardiac unit of my hospital and underwent cardiac open heart surgery with a long scar now! I didn't even know what happened and still there is no cause but I was in the hospital on IV drugs for 3.5 weeks and took me a good 4-5 months to recover. My question relates to the time I was sick: my parents came to stay with me for the birth, they were helpful. Then, I landed in the hospital and they were alone with my son taking care of his for 3-4 days when my dh decided to call his parents to our home as he needed support. I used to like my MIL but not any more. They came over and she acted like she knows everything in my home (their first visit outside the country in 20 years time). I loved my parents too but now after the birth of my son my view is more balanced (they can make mistakes too, and tell me stuff that is not "in the books" for a child). My mom didn't like the way my MIL behaved at home and they were stuck together for 3 weeks together in a tiny apartment. My mom didn't even like the way my FIL behaved ( a bit arrogant asking his woe or hot coffee, meals on time etc). When I came back home from the hospital, I was happy everyone was there. In 10 days time, I noticed my MIL, she would try to feed the baby away from my mom/myself, not cook breakfast daily, make terrible ( I mean TERRIBLE) meals, only speak with her son etc.... My mom said something too about my MIL and that's when I decided i'm done with them and I couldn't care any more. I decided I'll not speak to them and I stopped speaking. MIL is so cunning she acted as if everything is fine and continued to help with cooking, speak to me on & off etc.. I ignored her. And, so it went this way. The time came for my parents to leave and I asked them if they could say ( I could not even shower or go to the toilet on my own at that time, as it was 3 weeks since I came home). My parents refused as they needed medications and needed to be in India to purchase that. I agreed and told them to come back in2-3 weeks time. They said OK. My dh was a bit pissed that they are not helping their daughter but he was OK since they said they will be back in 2-3 weeks. So much happened in the 2 months it took my mom to come back to me, and a few things from prior months/years (1) dh decided he doesn't respect my parents any more and will not speak to them (2) he was also upset at my sister for something she said and doesn't speak to her either (3) he doesn't like his dad much (oh he loves his mom) and doesn't speak much to him (4) he stopped talking to his BIL i.e.: sister's husband a few years back - I never heard of any complaint from their family for this I think my dad didn't want to come back to my home and asked my mom to go alone. My sister and her family decided to come with my mom. He would speak to my sister's husband and suddenly one day they both stopped talking. The trip was a bit stressful for me but I was recovering and can't really be stressed any more. I spoke to my husband 3 times on speaking with my family but he gets REALLY defensive when I start the topic. We have discussed to attend counselling once the virus allows re-opening of the economy. I understand that my husband was very very hurt that my parents didn't even stay with me after my heart surgery ( I was told it takes up to a year to feel 100% - now, 10 months after I feel 100%) and I was OK with him not speaking with any one but he keeps asking me if I want to talk to his mom. Why would I? Frankly here are my reasons and I will say this in counselling (1) she doesn't even like him as much as she likes his sister - she was tauntingly talking to her husband about her own son once and I overheard (2) she never ever has cared for me - not once she asked me to come to her home to stay, not once she visited my family in a different city, not once she said she will come to meet us (3) she was very rude to me a couple of times in front of her son i.e: my husband (4) she was extremely proud that she is the boy's side, so many issues happened with his sister and her inlaws and my MIL will throw everything to give them whatever they ask plus don't ask ( things like eatables, jewelry, clothes etc) . But, for my family she never ever cared. (5) My wedding - she pretty much ruined it due to her ideas of a wedding. OFcourse, I never even knew of her "darker" side until 11 months ago. She always smiles and talks and I was very very young when I got married. Given the above limited background, can I ask how to continue keeping distance from inlaws (note - she has not once called me for the past 10 months)? I don't want to go to their apartment ever again. OFcourse, my husband says they miss my son but I will question that with how many times did they meet their daughter's son - she would barely go to India once every 2-3 years. Also, how to live with inlaws issues forever - both sides?